I want to see Peter Gammons interview Chris Brown.

Gammons: "Chris, you beat the crap out of your girlfriend, put her in the hospital, and bit her on the arm. Was it hard filming those Doublemint Gum commercials?"

Brown: "It has been a difficult time for all of us" etc.

Anyway, nothing we could write would be as easy-going and predictable as the actual Gammons/Rodriguez interview, so tonight's Dugout is just me copy and pasting text from the transcript into the field next to the images. Just try to picture Pete gnawing on his upper lip like he does while you read.

The Dugout

	Gammondorf: Alex, instead of asking you questions I'm going to write on these softballs in sharpie and lob them to you underhand, is that all right?
	ster_rod: /nods; purses lips
	Gammondorf: This weekend Sports Illustrated reported that in 2003 you tested positive for testosterone, an anabolic steroid known as Primobolan. What is the truth?
	ster_rod: THE TRUTH EES THAT I DRANK LIKE A PEEG FROM A TROUGH LABELED "STEROIDS" BUT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS TAGINGK
	ster_rod: EVERYONE HAS DONE THAT STEROID, PEETER, EVEN JI
	ster_rod: JIM THOME! HE THOUGHT IT WAS A VITAMIN THAT MADE JOO REALLY GOOD AT BOWLING
	Gammondorf: Would you say that you took the steroids between 2001 and 2003?
	ster_rod: THAT EES PRETTY ACCURATE, YES. I ALSO TOOG THEM FROM 2003 UNTIL NOW AND BACKWORDS FROM 2000 UNTIL BIRTH
	Gammondorf: What kind of substances were you taking?
	ster_rod: PEETER THAT'S THE THINGK, IT WAS SUCH A LOOSEY GOOSEY ERA, THE LOOSENESS OF THE GOOSE MADE IT DIFFICULT TO KNOW ONE STEROID FROM ANOTHER
	ster_rod: I TOLE RAFFI TO TIGHTEN HISS GOOSE BUT HISS FINGKERS WERE ALL LIKE /does spirit fingers
	ster_rod: HE COULD'AVE BEEN PUDDING FUN DIP UP MY KEESTER, aRAH WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN
	Gammondorf: How loose is your goose? Actually, let me preface that with another question; how funky is your chicken?
	ster_rod: WE PLAYED BASEBALL ON A FARM WITH MANY PROMISCUOUS ANIMALS
	ster_rod: JOSE CANSEGO EES WRITINGK A BOOK IN THE VEIN OF ANIMAL FARM THAT EES PRETTY F**GKED UP
	Gammondorf: So how about this Selena Roberts from Sports Illustrated? What is this broad's deal, am I right?
	ster_rod: THIS WOMAN EES TRYINGK TO THROW THINGS OUT THERE LIKE I TRIED STEROIDS IN HIGH SGOOL
	ster_rod: I MEAN, THAT'S THE BIGGESS BUNCH OF BALONEY I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE
	ster_rod: AN TRUSS ME, aRAH HAS BEEN AROUN A LOT OF BIG BALONIES
	Gammondorf: That's right, you're on a team with Derek Jeter.
	ster_rod: EGSACTLY WAIT, WHEN aRAH SAYS "BIG BALONEY" DO YOU THINK IT MEANS THE /makes motions towards crotch
	Gammondorf: do I look like the kind of guy who ever means /makes motions toward crotch
	ster_rod: BUT NO, SELENA ROBERTS IS THE DEVIL, I HAVE THE PAPER HERE /holds up picture

	Gammondorf: is she holding a trident
	ster_rod: NO THAT EES SPOST TO BE A DEVILS PITCHFORK
	Gammondorf: for doing his haywork
	Gammondorf: do you really think that the devil is supposed to look like the meandering grandma president from this season of 24?
	ster_rod: MY ARTISTS RENDERINGK OF THE DEVIL EES SOMEWHAT LOOSEY-GOOSEY
	Gammondorf: What has she done to you that is so bad?
	ster_rod: SHE TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT THE BAD THING I WAS TRYINGK TO KEEP SECRET
	Gammondorf: ...
	Gammondorf: ... and?
	ster_rod: AND UH
	ster_rod: SHE STOOD OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE AN STARED AT ME THROUGH THE WINDOW OMINOUSLY
	ster_rod: SHE DEVELOPED A SINGLE WHITE FEMALE OBSESSION WITH DEREK JETER AN THEN USED DRUGS TO HIT A BUNCH OF HOME RUNS
	ster_rod: SHE CHEATED ON HER WIFE WITH MADONNA
	Gammondorf: Have you ever, even for one second, thought about something other than yourself?
	ster_rod: JOO ARE RIGHT, IS SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THOSE NASTY THINGS ABOUT JEET
	ster_rod: BUT JOO KNOW ME, ALWAYS STICKING IT TO NUMBER TWO
	Gammondorf: A lot has been said about the fact that the union did not get those samples destroyed, which involves over a hundred players.
	Gammondorf: Are you bitter at all that the union didn't get those tests destroyed?
	ster_rod: NO, GOD HAS DONE THIS FOR A REASON. I CAN CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT THE UNION DID. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT SELENA ROBERTS DID
	Gammondorf: The expression is that you "couldn't" care less. Could not. By saying you could "care less" you are saying that you care less about it than you do, suggesting that you care.
	Gammondorf: Also, God did this because he hates you.
	Gammondorf: Wait a minute, I forgot I was Peter Gammons. /writes "what is your favorite color" on ball /lobs ball to A-Rod
	ster_rod: /fumbles throw /acts like he's going to throw, but doesn't /makes a mad face
	ster_rod: /reads ball BLUE LOL

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