AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: I'm glad you've decided to sign with the Braves!

Elijah_Price: Actually, I haven't made an official decision yet.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: I'm glad you've decided to sign with the Braves!

Elijah_Price: Yes well actually I

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: I'm glad you've decided to sign with the Braves!

Elijah_Price: Well I haven't

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: I'm glad you've decided to sign with the Braves!

Elijah_Price: Is this how you convinced Derek Lowe to sign?

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: Nah, we just caught him with an enormous net.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: But seriously, you'd love Atlanta. Have you been to the Coca-Cola museum? You put your cup on this table, and this fountain of Coke shoots from across the room and pours right into your cup!

Elijah_Price: Yeah, but I've also heard that Atlanta traffic is horrible and that, statistically, you have a better chance of getting to your destination on time if you are a legless, armless, blind, deaf child who is stranded alone in the wilderness.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones:

YES BUT AIRBORNE BEVERAGES

Elijah_Price: Does Atlanta have anything else to offer?

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones:

no, nothing

Elijah_Price: If I move there, it's not going to be because I like the city, so don't worry about that. I like the idea of being closer to my family.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: wait, by "family" do you mean "furniture that's too big to move"

are you married to a snooker table or something

Elijah_Price: No, I just don't want my family to have to uproot and move somewhere else.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: just move your children to atlanta, hand them a million dollars, and tell them to buy some new f***ing friends

Elijah_Price: I don't think friendship works that way.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: /instinctively removes wadded-up $100 bills from underneath hat, throws them around indiscriminately

how much will this get me

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: would you like to come over to my house and watch me play a one-player video game

**OnlineHost** Willie Mays has entered the chat room.

WillAmaze: Kid! The Mariners sent me. I was hoping I could talk with you about your situation.

Elijah_Price: WHOA

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: get out of here you old fart, griffey was just about to come over and watch me play aladdin for the sega genesis

WillAmaze: Ken, the decision is up to you. The Braves are a great organization, and you'd probably be a great fit there.

But you've got to think about your legacy.

Elijah_Price: But every time I think about my legacy it snaps and I spend half the season on the DL.

WillAmaze: To me, it would make sense for you to fill a DH spot. Nobody needs a designated hitter more that Seattle.

Elijah_Price: A move to Seattle would be really nice.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: ha are you serious, they'd probably have to disassemble you, pack you loosely in newspaper, and drive you up there in the same truck they use to shuttle around john f. kennedy's skeleton

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: Besides. At least the Braves have a chance of reaching the playoffs. The Mariners aren't going anywhere. Who would bat ahead of you? Kenji Johjima and, like, Henry Cotto?

WillAmaze: Up to you, Junior.

Elijah_Price: /stares at Mays

WillAmaze: /smiles

Elijah_Price: /stares at Jones

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: /pulls more money out of jock strap

Elijah_Price: Keep your nut money. I'm going to Seattle.

Elijah_Price: Mr. Mays, I have to ask... why are you taking me under your wing all of a sudden?

WillAmaze: To be honest? My old godson broke down and I'm looking for a cheap replacement.

AChipOffTheOl'_erJones: ohhhhhhhhh s****

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Barry Bonds chat!

GoldBonds: /applies for admission to orphanage