LOOK: Amazing Underwater Photos Of Dogs
Best In Show Winner Declared
It had to happen eventually. Jim Bowden, the beloved general manager of the dynastic Washington Nationals, has made a rare misstep. While scouting their way to the top, the Nats awarded the biggest international signing bonus in team history to a can't-miss prospect without looking into how old he is or finding out his actual name. That puts them right ahead of the Astros when it comes to developing a farm system!Tonight's late night Dugout is after the jump. Unless I'm lying about that, too.
The Dugout
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InJapan_Bowden: All right Esmailyn, this contract is all standard and covers everything we've gone over, all you have to do is initial here and here, then sign the last page. |
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InJapan_Bowden: Oh, and check to make sure your personal information is correct. |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: okay I was gonna ask about that, because right here it says I live in apartment 327 and I actually live in 325, |
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InJapan_Bowden: Oh, does it say that? /checks papers
all right, that should be easy to fix |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: also under the part about pet rent it says I have one cat but I actually have two |
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InJapan_Bowden: that won't effect your rent, don't worry about it, pet rent covers a general spectrum of pet ownership |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: yeah aight |
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InJapan_Bowden: just go ahead and flip to the back, we really need you on our team. |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: Okay. /flips to the back
oh wait, on this part is says I'm 19 years old, but I'm actually 23 |
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InJapan_Bowden: You're... you're what now |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: I'm 23 years old. not 19. |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: lol how did you think I was so much better than the other people in the minor leagues |
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InJapan_Bowden: I don't know, talent? Exceptional talent that we were banking on for the uh, future of our organization |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: I'm playin for the nationals ain't I, how talented can I be |
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InJapan_Bowden: welp, I guess that was miscommunication on our part, heh! That's disconcerting but we can't keep f***ing Kory Casto on the roster forever, sooo.... |
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InJapan_Bowden: I'm gonna get a "talking to" from my bosses, but go ahead and sign the contract. |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: okay but can I get you to change one more thing |
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InJapan_Bowden: oh god what |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: see here on the front where it says "esmailyn gonzález" |
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InJapan_Bowden: ... yes? |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: yeah i dont know why it says that, my name is carlos alvarez daniel lugo |
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InJapan_Bowden: ... all of that? sure you don't want to throw a "Johnson" on the end of it |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: and underneath that where it says I'm from the dominican republic, you need to scratch out "dominican republic" and write "lynchburg, virginia" above it |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: and in the "race" section you should've checkmarked "native american" |
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InJapan_Bowden: /stares down at papers for several seconds; eats eraser off end of pencil |
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InJapan_Bowden: Anything else I should know? |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: no that should rectify all inaccuracies |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: do you need to know about my polygamy or my interest in hemophilia? |
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InJapan_Bowden: No, I think I'd like to know as little about that as possible |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: okay should i tell someone about my wooden leg |
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InJapan_Bowden: /has sad, existential sense of acceptance
just sign the papers please |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: you got a pencil |
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InJapan_Bowden: /hands pencil |
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ThePostOfficeEsmailyn: you got somebody what can teach me how to write |
| **Online Host** The phone is ringing. |
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InJapan_Bowden: Hold on. /picks up phone |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /breathes heavily into phone |
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InJapan_Bowden: Yes Dmitri. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay boss i gotta fess up, memba when i said i ate two a ya twizzlaz |
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InJapan_Bowden: Yes. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: i ate tha hole damn bag |
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