The NBA Is Not Cool With Dwyane Wade's Band-Aids

OK, sure, flopping is rising back to pre-2007 levels, DUI is still a significant problem, we may be facing a lockout in two years, and the league never really did anything to clear up that whole referees gambling on games scandal -- but rest easy, fans! The league is swiftly moving against the real threats to the game: unauthorized fashionable bandages!

Yes, the long arm of the league delivered a swift blow to that outlaw, Dwyane Wade and his fun yet stylish band-aids he's been wearing since receiving six stitches before the All-Star break. It's not yet known at this time whether the fact that Wade was copying Nelly was a factor in the league's decision, though maybe it should have been.

Wade had been featuring band-aids under his eye with an American flag, the word "Flash" for his nickname (something else Shaquille O'Neal can lay claim to, along with 45 points on Friday and crushing the soul of Steve Nash), and his own name, just in case anyone forgot hearing it from the announcer and the scorecards and the commercials and every NBA media outlet, ever.

Since the league frowns upon individuality of any kind, and especially the kind that mirrors early-00s Midwestern rappers (or the "M-I-crooked-letter-crooked-letter-O-U-R-I, no one can do it better" for the uninitiated/under-eight crowd), they snuffed it out. Wade won't be fined, since, um, that would be insane, but the league also knows Wade won't push their buttons. That's why he gets politely asked to remove them, whereas J.R. Smith would have been fined. It's the silly NBA rules equivalent of saying "Sir" to the cop that pulls you over for doing 56 in a 55.

It's comforting to know that while there may be a concussion problem in the league, the powers that be are watching over the real dangers.

Latest NBA Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the rebound against the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki

NBAE/Getty Images

Academy Award-nominated actor Bill Murray, right, watches the clock as he sits with Emmy Award-winning director Spike Lee, left, during the fourth quarter of an NBA basketball game between the Atlanta Hawks and the Cleveland Cavaliers, Sunday, March 1, 2009 at Philips Arena in Atlanta. The Cavaliers won 88-87. (AP Photo/Gregory Smith)

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors drives against Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Tim Heitman/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Chris Bosh;Brandon Bass

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors drives against Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Tim Heitman/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Andrea Bargnani;Dirk Nowitzki

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Brandon Bass;Chris Bosh

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Brandon Bass;Andrea Bargnani

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the rebound against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki;Chris Bosh

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Jason Kidd #2 of the Dallas Mavericks passes off what would turn out to be his 10,000th assist against Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jason Kidd;Andrea Bargnani

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki;Chris Bosh

NBAE/Getty Images

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Jason Kidd #2 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the lay up against the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jason Kidd

NBAE/Getty Images