**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth and Coco Crisp are stranded in a massive, dark, rancid-smelling network of caverns.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey i'm kyle farnsworth, whats yer name

SoggyInMilk: sigh

Coco Crisp.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ahahahahahhahaha

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey i'm kyle farnsworth, whats yer name

SoggyInMilk: . . .

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey

hey whats yer name

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: cmon whats yer name

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey whats yer name

SoggyInMilk: sighhhhhhhh

Coco Crisp.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: looooooooooool

so yer a cereal

so in modern householts yer servt in a cereal bowl with freshly crackt bison eggs

SoggyInMilk: no, I -- bison eggs? What?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey guess what

SoggyInMilk: What?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i have a billion dollars

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: APRIL FOOLS

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey guess what i have a billion dollars

SoggyInMilk: . . .

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: APRIL FOOLS

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS, hey guess what i have a billion dollars, APRIL FOOLS

SoggyInMilk: My God. Is it even April? There's no light in this cave. We have no way of knowing how many days have passed.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey guess what i have a

SoggyInMilk: We need to build a fire. You see anything around we can burn?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: uh you

what do you think ive been spenden the last fort-night doen

SoggyInMilk: all right fine that was mildly funny

But we're going to starve if we don't eat something. There's nothing in this cave but cow skeletons, fence posts, billboards, and the occasional mangled fast-food sign.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh my god we're in rural kansas

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: theres bount to be a stuckeys in here somewhere

SoggyInMilk: I don't even know how I got here. I was asleep in my bed, and next thing I knew, I was here.

What's the last thing you remember?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: throwen 2x4s at my neighbors cat

then bam, trappt in a enormous cave with 9 essential vitamins an minerals

SoggyInMilk: My God.

MY GOD.

SoggyInMilk: THIS IS NO CAVE

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Kansas City Royals Clubhouse Chat!

TreyHillMix: Fellas, meet our newest members of the team!

/leads enormous, shackled beast into room

Ponson1LegAtATime: rrRRRAAAGH

GreinkeDinks: Oh my God, Sidney Ponson? I don't get it. Weren't we supposed to shore up our bullpen? Didn't we need to find another outfielder?

TreyHillMix: Precisely.

GreinkeDinks: Can he pitch?

TreyHillMix: Oh f*** no he can't.

But if this works as I think it will...

TreyHillMix: Beast!

Ponson1LegAtATime: /absent-mindedly knaws on utility infielder

TreyHillMix: BEAST! I COMMAND YOUR ATTENTION!

Ponson1LegAtATime: rrrrr?

TreyHillMix: You have been traded to the Kansas City Royals.

Ponson1LegAtATime: /furrows brows

/buries face in shackled hands

/weeps

Ponson1LegAtATime: wh

WHYYYYYYYYYY

RAAAAAAAAARRRGHGHHH

Ponson1LegAtATime: /vomits violent on clubhouse floor

**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth and Coco Crisp have been vomited into the chat room.

GreinkeDinks: So that was your plan, huh? All that came out was old cereal and fecal matter.

SoggyInMilk: aw

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: aw

TreyHillMix: Crisp, you'll be starting at center. Farnsworth, you'll pitch 24.2 innings this year and engaging in zany bullpen antics with, uh, Joakim Soria I suppose.

GoobleGobble: but what about me? how are we going to make erotic word plays?

TreyHillMix: We've still got Lenny DiNardo for that. Sorry, we're releasing you.

BEAST! RELEASE HIM!

Ponson1LegAtATime: RRRARGH

/eats Jimmy Gobble

**OnlineHost** Jimmy Gobble has been gobbled.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth:

lenny diNARDo

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh

hey guess what i have a billion dollars

TreyHillMix: what the f*** are dollars