Who Wants a 4,800 Calorie Burger?

Have you ever been sitting at a baseball game with a hot dog or hamburger in your hands, and as you're eating your $6 investment in gastrointestinal fury thought to yourself, "It tastes good, but darn it, it's just not big enough. I don't feel my arteries hardening as I chew it, and as a red-blooded American, this just does not sit well with me."

You have?

Well then I suggest you stop by a West Michigan Whitecaps -- a Single-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers -- game the next time you're in Michigan. They've got just the burger for you. It's called the Fifth Third burger, and it can all be yours for the price of $20, but if you eat the whole thing, you'll get a free t-shirt. Though I'd wait to hear what's on the burger before assuming you can eat it.

Start with an 8-inch sesame seed bun that requires 1 pound of dough and is made specially for the Whitecaps by Nantucket Baking Co. of Grand Rapids.

Spoon on nearly a cup of chili and place five one-third pound hamburger patties on top of that. (Get it, 5/3 pounds of beef for the Fifth Third Burger?)

Add five slices of American cheese and liberal doses of salsa, nacho cheese and Fritos. Top it off with lettuce, tomato and sour cream, and you have a burger that can be sliced with a pizza cutter and feed four people for $20. Jalapenos are optional.

I feel fatter just for having read that.

It should be noted that this isn't the Whitecaps' first foray into expanding the backsides of people throughout western Michigan. In recent years they've also introduced the world to deep fried Twinkies and deep fried Pepsi. How exactly one goes about the process of deep frying a soft drink, I don't know and I'm not sure that I want to.

(Hat tip to SPORTSbyBROOKS)