Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a few hours since I verbally assaulted a loved one and flashed my piece. Elijah Dukes, everybody.

I've been living in DC for almost a year now, and I'm looking forward to maybe seeing the Nationals win a game this year. I went to 6 games last year and they didn't have the lead for a single inning. In fact, they were only not losing for 2 innings. Sad.

But this is a new year! The rebuilding years are over! Finally, DC has a team it can be proud of.

Alex Ovechkin after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Washington Nationals Chat!
	ActaFool: This is it boys! The moment of triumph! It took 40 "rebuilding years", but we've finally assembled a World Series cailiber team. Congratulations!
	SecretOfTheGuzman: /clap clap
	ActaFool: Uh, where is everyone?
	SecretOfTheGuzman: Well, after 4 seasons here I can say with the utmost confidence: abusing drugs and women.
	ActaFool: This is important! I'm unveiling the brand new Nationals!
	SecretOfTheGuzman: You'll never get them here all at once. You're better off going to them.
	ActaFool: Where are they?
	Online Host Welcome to Smithsonian Swingin' Salties Chat
	ActaFool: Ok, gang. I'll try to make this brief. I know I'm intruding on, uh... Well, I'm really not sure what. Is this a strip club or a crack den?
	DukesOfHazzard: mothafu**a this is neither a club nor a den
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: c'mere ho /slips crack vial into stripper's thong
	ActaFool: Whatever. You guys have endured the tortures of being a Washington National, and I'm happy to say that you'll soon be reaping the benefits.
	ActaFool: Management has approved several changes, including "improving" ourselves and bringing in new talent that is considered to be "good".
	GoodGasMilledge: sounds compcated
	ActaFool: We worked tirelessly, leaving no nuance unconsidered. Every waking hour of the offseason was spent building up and tearing down the entire program, statisticians and risk management teams poring over portfolios and MLB championship precedence.
	ActaFool: The result? Given the front office's current budget we have arrived at what is undoubtedly the finest organization possible, and I mean that quite literally.
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay am i on it capn
	ActaFool: Dmitri, last year you got so fat that you couldn't play the game of baseball. Do you have any idea how f***ing fat one must be to make the rigor of standing at first base, catching flies with your fat mouth, too physically demanding an activity to handle on a daily basis?
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /creates roast from cigarette butts and ABC gum /pants heavily
	ActaFool: But yeah you're on the team.
	SecretOfTheGuzman: What did we do?
	ActaFool: We were able to get our most valuable asset on a strict diet and workout regiment. He lost 75 pounds and is in the best shape of his life!
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay thank you /sips on Jack and Pork
	ActaFool: Introducing the new and improved Screech!
	Screech: /does Bushwhackers dance
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: yo bro bring me two swinekens since ya ass is up
	SecretOfTheGuzman: Is that it?
	ActaFool: oh and we signed one of the most effective hitters the game has seen in years for relative peanuts
	GitErDunn: you gonna finish that roast
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: this brahs aight round a martinis fa me n my new boy
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: bacon not stirred

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Beware the Dugouts of March: The Washington Nationals' 2009 Preview

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