In this photo, Mark Prior is covering the bottom half of his face with a glove because Padres Photo Day started with him wandering into a smelting factory and burning off the lower quadrant of his head with molten acids. In other news, Mark Prior is reporting soreness in his shoulder after a bullpen session on Tuesday at the Padres' Spring Training facility.

The Padres are saying that they will have to "take a step back" with Prior, which means that they will have to knock down a wall or something because this is as far back as you go. Prior cannot pitch to live hitters and has not appeared in the Major Leagues since 2006. He is making one MILLION dollars this year. Chevrolet goes bankrupt, but somebody has a million dollars to give to Mark F'ing Prior. In a related story, Indians reliever Kerry Wood appeared on "Rover's Morning Glory" and had his hands cut off by "The Shizzy."

I am jealous of these highly-paid athletes! The Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	back_in_bud: Mark, how you feelin', buddy?
	MarkPrevious: I've got some soreness in my shoulder.
	back_in_bud: "Some soreness?" What does that mean, exactly?
	MarkPrevious: It means that I performed a somewhat strenuous task using my arm, so there is blood flowing through it now and it feels like a part of my body.
	back_in_bud: That's not good, you were supposed to be soaking it in formaldehyde. What did we do for it?
	DarrenWasteland: the only thing we could do. EXPLORATORY SURGERIES.
	DarrenWasteland: We took a scalpel and sliced into his shoulder, moved all the muscles and tendons out of the way, and stared at the bone for several hours.
	DarrenWasteland: We found out that "Mark Prior's arm was sore."
	back_in_bud: What's the ETA on him returning to the Padres rotation?
	MarkPrevious: "Returning to?"
	back_in_bud: What's the ETA on him ever pitching for us ever
	DarrenWasteland: Can't say. The exploratory surgeries will leave Mark without the use of either of his arms for the next six months.
	back_in_bud: BOTH of his arms?
	DarrenWasteland: we needed to know what a shoulder that wasn't sore looked like, so we could compare and contrast
	MarkPrevious: Now BOTH of my shoulders are sore!
	DarrenWasteland: and I dropped my keys in there by accident before we sewed him up, so now he has my keys in his arm
	MarkPrevious: /shakes body, jingles softly
	MarkPrevious: gurkkk
	back_in_bud: Oh God, what's happening now?
	DarrenWasteland: dammit Mark, I told you to never slightly move!
	DarrenWasteland: siiiigh on my keyring was a novelty pig you could squeeze, and when you squeeze it a substance would pop out of its butt hole to make it look like it was pooping
	DarrenWasteland: the pooping pig keychain
	DarrenWasteland: By all indications, the pooping pig has become dislodged, and either the poop or the entire pig is floating around in Mark's body
	back_in_bud: Is he going to be okay?
	DarrenWasteland: Oh, sure, we'll just do a series of exploratory surgeries on his chest, stomach, legs, and brain to make sure he's good to go.
	DarrenWasteland: I'm just pissed about losing my keychain.
	back_in_bud: You can't find another pooping pig keychain?
	DarrenWasteland: No, you don't understand. That keychain cost one million dollars.
	back_in_bud: A million dollars for a keychain? Why the hell would you do that?
	DarrenWasteland: At the beginning of they asked me if I'd rather spend one million dollars on Mark Prior, or on a pig keychain that poops when you squeeze it.
	DarrenWasteland: I figured I'd get more use out of the keychain.

Hot on HuffPost:

The Dugout: Pig Keychain

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Hot Leads

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You

Hot on HuffPost:

The Dugout: Pig Keychain

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Hot Leads

HuffPost AOL Social News Most Popular

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You