Don't Fall for Vick Redemption Tour

In the first act of Michael Vick's Redemption Tour, Tony Dungy visited the world's worst dog owner in prison Tuesday.

In the coming weeks, expect Oprah, Diane Sawyer and Larry King to get an audience. Then Jesse Jackson will host a Town Meeting where Vick tearfully apologizes to Lassie, Snoopy and all living and dead members of the Westminster Kennel Club.

If everything goes as planned, the public will believe Vick really, really regrets his dogfighting days. Now can't we just bury the past like one of those skeletons found in Vick's backyard?

No.

Well, you can if you wish. I just don't want you joining the long list of suckers who fell for Michael's mea culpa routine.

Dungy's no fool, but he also has one of the world's most forgiving hearts. He didn't comment on the meeting, and Vick's agent would only say it was "positive."

Score one for Vick's handlers, who might have the hardest job in public relations history. How do you stop people from automatically associating Vick with a pile of dog you-know-what?

You start by getting him a gig with PETA. Yes, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was kicking around the idea of making Vick a spokesman.

It sounds like an Onion spoof, but PETA figured a redeemed Vick might be more effective than splattering blood on old ladies wearing mink coats. Then last week it saw a federal report which said Vick didn't just run a dogfighting operation:

"He enjoyed placing family pets in the ring with fighting pit bulls and that he laughed as dogs ripped each other apart."

So much for PETA's blessing. Now the group wants Vick to have a brain scan to see if he's even capable of feeling remorse. The hitch there is that to have a brain scan, one must first have a brain.

Latest Michael Vick Images

FILE - This Aug. 27, 2007 file photo shows Michael Vick. Vick's house is still available. Lawyers for suspended NFL star Michael Vick said Tuesday, April 28, 2009 they are making progress on a new bankruptcy plan, but they are not ready yet to submit it to a judge for approval. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Sussex, VA - NOVEMBER 25: Protesters hold signs outside Surry County Circuit Court where suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick after plead guilty on two felony counts connected to dog fighting on November 25, 2008 in Sussex, Virginia. Under a plea agreement, Vick, who is currently serving a term in prison for federal dog fighting charges, will serve one-year of probation for the state charges. He is scheduled to be released on July of 2009. (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Vick

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Sussex, VA - NOVEMBER 25: Suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick (R) leaves Surry County Circuit Court after entering a guilty plea on two felony counts connected to dog fighting on November 25, 2008 in Sussex, Virginia. Under a plea agreement, Vick, who is currently serving a term in prison for federal dog fighting charges, will serve one-year of probation for the state charges. He is scheduled to be released on July of 2009. (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Vick

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Sussex, VA - NOVEMBER 25: Suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick (C) leaves Surry County Circuit Court after entering a guilty plea on two felony counts connected to dog fighting on November 25, 2008 in Sussex, Virginia. Under a plea agreement, Vick, who is currently serving a term in prison for federal dog fighting charges, will serve one-year of probation for the state charges. He is scheduled to be released on July of 2009. (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Vick

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Sussex, VA - NOVEMBER 25: Suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick leaves Surry County Circuit Court in a car after entering a guilty plea on two felony counts connected to dog fighting on November 25, 2008 in Sussex, Virginia. Under a plea agreement, Vick, who is currently serving a term in prison for federal dog fighting charges, will serve one-year of probation for the state charges. He is scheduled to be released on July of 2009. (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Vick

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JULY 09: Dogtown medical director Dr. Michael Dix of "Dogtown: Saving the Michael Vick Dogs" speaks during day two of the National Geographic Channel 2008 Summer Television Critics Association Press Tour held at the Beverly Hilton hotel on July 9, 2008 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dr. Michael Dix

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JULY 09: Lead trainer John Garcia and rehabilitated Michael Vick dog Georgia of "Dogtown: Saving the Michael Vick Dogs" attend day two of the National Geographic Channel 2008 Summer Television Critics Association Press Tour held at the Beverly Hilton hotel on July 9, 2008 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** John Garcia;Georgia

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My Labrador has one the size of cough drop, but she's still discovered the downside of eating soap. Vick seems incapable of learning from his mistakes.

Where do we start?

The time one of his entourage flunkies stole a watch from an airport screener? Assuming the name "Ron Mexico" after a woman claimed he gave her herpes? Flipping off booing fans after losing 31-13 to New Orleans?

Blowing off his appointment to speak to Congress about after-school program funding? Overseeing a foundation that devoted a whopping 12 percent of its budget to charitable programs? Testing positive for marijuana while out on a bail program that stipulated random testing?

Along the way people like Dan Reeves, Andrew Young, Arthur Blank and countless teammates and fans supported and defended him. They inevitably learned how Charlie Brown felt whenever Lucy held the football for him to kick.

She swore she wouldn't pull it away. Poor Charlie always believed her, only to end up kicking at air and landing with a thud.

Now Lucy Vick owes "between $10 and $50 million," according to the latest bankruptcy filing. He told the judge he has a construction job lined up that'll pay him $10 an hour after he gets out on parole later this month.

Gee, with no overtime he should have his creditors paid off in about 600 years. Unless he gets back into the NFL. That's where the PR campaign comes in.

Vick has to convince Roger Goodell he's seen the error of his ways. Perhaps he'll include a letter for the warden stating when Leavenworth showed "Old Yeller" at movie night, Vick always cried at the end.

The fact is Vick lost the benefit of the doubt about a dozen screw-ups ago. Just last month he told a bankruptcy judge that he feels "true remorse." Then he admitted he'd withdrawn $150,000 from his pension fund in the past year despite being warned it was improper to do so.

Vick undoubtedly sounded remorseful during Tuesday's visit. I can't read his mind, assuming he has one. Maybe he is truly sorry for what he did and not just sorry for getting caught.

All I know for sure is when it comes to sincerity, Vick has pulled a Lucy every time. And I'd hate to see a good man like Tony Dungy end up looking like Charlie Brown.

David Whitley has been a sports columnist at the Orlando Sentinel for 10 years. He previously worked at the Tampa Tribune, San Antonio Light and Tallahassee Democrat. Like all journalists, he has won numerous awards, though most of his have been at state fairs when he dressed as various farm animals. He lives in Orlando with his wife, two daughters, two dogs, two cats, all of whom are forbidden from owning a fantasy team in any sport.