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Mark Teixeira's debut for the New York Yankees was an 0-for-4 affair that was blamed on the unusually harsh Baltimore Orioles fans that felt betrayed by the guy who spent 8 years saying he wanted to play in Baltimore, then went to play directly AGAINST Baltimore for like 200 dollars more a year.We're a month and a half into the season now, but Teixeira is still playing every game like Prop Joe is in his ear, yelling about how he is greedy and low, in the Dickensian sense. When will he snap out of it? No, I'm asking you. He's on my fantasy team and I'm in 20th place in an 18-team league.
Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the New York Yankees Warmup Chatroom! |
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TeixMeix: /swings away, makes no contact |
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TeixMeix: /swings away, makes no contact |
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TeixMeix: /swings away, makes no contact /swings away, makes no contact /swings away, makes no contact |
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ThisEilandEarth: Hey, uh, Mark? I uh... haven't thrown the ball yet. /holds up baseball |
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TeixMeix: huff, huff, sorry coach |
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JetersNeverProsper: Jared! Jared the Subway Guy, hey, stay right there for a second! |
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TeixMeix: I told you, my name isn't Jared Fogle, it's Mark. I've been playing with you for like two months |
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JetersNeverProsper: yeah, well, a lot of marks play for this team |
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JetersNeverProsper: But hey, listen... I was going over our lineup sheet for this afternoon, aaaaand... well, it turns out we just don't need you on this team! |
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TeixMeix: what |
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JetersNeverProsper: Don't get me wrong, we think you'd make a good fit for the Rangers or the Braves... just not for the New York Yankees. |
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JetersNeverProsper: Sorry! This is totally our bad! ^_^ |
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TeixMeix: You don't own the team, can you even do that? |
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JetersNeverProsper: Uhhh, yes, as team captain I am afforded certain responsibilities, including "letting go" certain "talents" when they have outlived their usefulness. |
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JetersNeverProsper: What do you think happened to Bernie Williams? |
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TeixMeix: Oh come on, I'm a former all-star, what's the difference between me and you? |
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JetersNeverProsper: Uhhh, huh huh, isn't it obvious? |
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JetersNeverProsper: You get almost two hits per ten at bats. That means you're objectively terrible. I get almost three hits per ten at bats. That means I am good-to-great. |
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JetersNeverProsper: Also, I am one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People and you look like the guy who put his dick in the pie. |
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TeixMeix: Didn't the Steinbrenners bring me here to produce? To play baseball? |
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JetersNeverProsper: That was the idea, but right now if the Yankees were a fantasy baseball team I would release you and replace you with Chris friggin Burke |
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TeixMeix: the... retarded guy from Life Goes On? |
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JetersNeverProsper: yyyep. |
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TeixMeix: What changed? |
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JetersNeverProsper: It could have something to do with the New York Media, it could have something to do with mechanics... |
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JetersNeverProsper: It could have a lot to do with A-Rod coming back from his steroid hibernation, causing New York City to rethink its position on the rotational axis of the Earth |
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ster_rod: LA LA LA LA LAAA LAAA /skips through infield |
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TeixMeix: All right, fine! After several questions and a little bit of whining, I can take a hint! I'll go somewhere where they want me! Where I'm WANTED! |
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Baltimore Orioles Chatroom! |
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TeixMeix: Hey guys, I just thought I'd step in here and- |
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MonsignorMontanez: BOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOO |
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FredFlintstoneAndino: /shoots the double bird |
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TeixMeix: aw |
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MonsignorMontanez: SEVERNA PARK HATES YOU TEX |
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FredFlintstoneAndino: WHERE IS A-ROID |
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TeixMeix: oh come on you guys aren't even the real Orioles, where are the actual Orioles |
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MonsignorMontanez: If you give me one dollar I will tell you, if you give me two dollars I will kick you in the ass |
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TeixMeix: well the only sensible deal would be for me to give you two dollars, I think anybody in my position would do that /hands over two dollars |
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FredFlintstoneAndino: haha I got your two dollars now, fool, what you gonna do about it huh, nothing and like it thas right |
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FredFlintstoneAndino: /boasts unrepeatable claims about Teixeira's mother |
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TeixMeix:  |
| **Online Host** Welcome to the New York Yankees Chatroom! |
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TeixMeix: This is terrible, I don't know what to do. I feel like getting less than one hit per ten at-bats |
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HanksForNothing: hey kid... Mark, c'mere for a minute |
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TeixMeix: Yes, Mr. Steinbrenner? |
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HanksForNothing: turns out we've got a use for you after all. |
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TeixMeix: *gasp* Really??  |
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HanksForNothing: Yeah, you've got a lot of money, right? Of course you do. |
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HanksForNothing: how much you gimme for this old Yankee Stadium chair? Once sat in by Kevin Maas himself! |
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TeixMeix: uh, zero dollars |
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HanksForNothing: lol i'll pretend you said 1500 |
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