**OnlineHost** Welcome to Kansas City Royals Chat!

GreinkeDinks: We'll each start with 200 chips. I take it you're all familiar with the rules of Hold 'Em?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i havent held em all season an kyle the benevolent farnsworth aint about to start

GreinkeDinks: Okay, listen. Each of us are dealt two cards. Five community cards are dealt on the table. The best five-card hand wins, and

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you wear yer hat like a f***en d***head, how the f*** did the bill of yer cap get to be that way

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: did you stack the book of psalms on the bill an leave it like that overnight, it's so f***en flat

GreinkeDinks: Uh

/deals

Joakim, check or bet?

JoakimBackKotter: Check.

GreinkeDinks: Farnsworth, check or bet?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no but fer real, i could eat cheesy porridge off that f***en hat an youd be none the wiser on because of its so big

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: it looks like a lego hat, did you get one o those boring ass lego kits with the barn and the smilen farmer guy an take off his hat an take it to a hatsmith an say, "make my f***en hat look exactly like this because im an ass hole"

GreinkeDinks: No. That is not at all how events transpired.

I'll call.

Sidney, you're small blind. Call?

Ponson1LegAtATime: graaaar

/eats chips

ba?

GreinkeDinks: Brian, you're big blind. Check or eat?

brian_bar_bannister: I'll eat ten.

I mean, I'll bet ten.

GreinkeDinks: Farnsworth?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: cant we just play omaha

GreinkeDinks: Your ERA's like 7, right? You'll be down there soon enough.

Do you call?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i call that yer hat is so straight that whenever you have to slice a loaf of bread you just bang yer head against the counter like a f*** wood pecker

GreinkeDinks: Okay, Farnsworth folds.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: pffff yeah right im all in, i have five of a jokers wild

GreinkeDinks: Fine. Fine! Farnsworth is all in.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah im all in yer s*** fer wearin yer hat f***in stupid an looken like a idiot 6 year old communist gay baby

GreinkeDinks: I've had about enough of you making fun of my hat. I wear this hat this way because I think it looks cool. Leave me alone.

JoakimBackKotter: All right, guys, that's enough.

I fold.

brian_bar_bannister: It's only May.

JoakimBackKotter: but we're the royals

brian_bar_bannister: oh yeah hahaha i fold

GreinkeDinks: Come on, guys. I set up this game so we could come up with positive analogies between poker and our upstart baseball team. I was hoping we could say something like "Royal flush" or this team "has the nuts" or "we've got aces" or something.

JoakimBackKotter: how about "we will definitely not be able to sustain this momentum and we will finish ten games out in the AL Central," that's a poker term right

but whatever, i'll call all in

brian_bar_bannister: I'll call too.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: how about you, kid from the sandlot part 1 of a trilogy

GreinkeDinks: STOP MAKING FUN OF MY HAT

MY MOM MADE ME THIS HAT

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you mean she took a cursory glance throughoutst her kitchenette an turnt a mixin bowl upside down an duck taped a cuttin board to it an put it on yer head and said "i hate you zach, thats why i namet you zach cause i hate you, now go play based ball in bumf*** missouri"

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you look like a f***en platypus with that big ass hat, why dont you just frolic in a muddy pond an go extinct

you should look up "duck billt platypus" in the dictionary britainica, youll probably see yer jpeg

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh wait you cant look up, yer hats too god dam heavy

GreinkeDinks: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I'M ALL IN

JoakimBackKotter: All right, let's show 'em.

**OnlineHost** Joakim Soria has Queen, Six, suited.

**OnlineHost** Brian Bannister has King, Three, non-suited.

**OnlineHost** Sidney Ponson has a pool of vomit in which fragments of an antelope skeleton can clearly be observed, non-suited.

**OnlineHost** Zach Greinke has Ace, Two, non-suited.

**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth has a pair of Aces.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: alright what in the flip does "A" mean

am i looken at asses

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: when i was in the locker room in yankeed stadium i saw plenty o asses an arod would always say i had the nuts

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: holt on im tryen to think of a double ententray fer the word "poker"

GreinkeDinks: godddddddd

JoakimBackKotter: Hold on, dude, let's see the flop.

GreinkeDinks: f*** it, we're gonna flop in mid-June anyway, i can wait

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey if you spin arount fast enough maybe yer hat will work like a propeller an you can fly back to yer home planet where they wear f***en giant measuren spoons fer hats

GreinkeDinks: /bangs head against poker table

/bill punches hole through table

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yer hat is real big