**OnlineHost** Welcome to Tampa Bay Rays Chat!

Maddon2009: Time to fill out the lineup card.

NotOzzieGuillen: Yeah.

Maddon2009: Hoo boy.

Maddon2009: This is a lineup card we're talking about.

NotOzzieGuillen: As your bench coach, I agree with you.

Maddon2009: It's a big responsibility.

NotOzzieGuillen: Uh...yeah, I guess.

Maddon2009: No, really. You might not realize it, but this is a really difficult process.

NotOzzieGuillen: how is it a difficult process, you've been manager of the tampa bay rays since 1963 and you've started evan longoria in the three hole since calvin coolidge was in like fourth grade

Maddon2009: There's a lot to consider.

NotOzzieGuillen: What? No, there isn't.

NotOzzieGuillen: Last season was demonstrative proof that you've built a model of success, and given our team's talent, it's not all that difficult.

NotOzzieGuillen: I would think that by this point, the act of penciling in the batting order would be intuitive.

NotOzzieGuillen: Like, you could be surprised in a back alley by a mugger, and rather than reaching for your wallet, you would instinctively mime the act of writing, "Upton, Crawford, Longoria, Pena, Aybar, Zobrist, Iwamura, Bartlett, Navarro," on a piece of paper.

Maddon2009: You're naive. The situation changes with every game

NotOzzieGuillen: Yeah, granted. If the opposing pitcher were a soul-seeking fire-breathing mythological Norse lizard-beast who could seek through the soul of Ben Zobrist, it might be best to start Gabe Gross.

NotOzzieGuillen: Apart from that, there's no way that your lineup could affect the outcome the game by more than, say, 5%.

Maddon2009: I guess you're right.

Maddon2009: Okay. Here we go.

NotOzzieGuillen: What?

Maddon2009: I'm going to write this lineup card.

NotOzzieGuillen: Okay.

Maddon2009: okay

pfff

pffffffffpfffpffpfpfpffffffffff

Maddon2009: okay, the first step is to take this pen and put it to the paper

Maddon2009: step number two is to write things

NotOzzieGuillen: You're doing well so far.

Maddon2009: /puts pen to paper

/draws unintelligible scribble

Maddon2009: whew

okay whew

this is hard

NotOzzieGuillen: You know what? I'll just put last night's lineup card in the copier and give it to the umpire.

Maddon2009: no, no, i can do this

Maddon2009: okay here we go

Maddon2009: /sketches uncanny likeness of Hamid Karzai

NotOzzieGuillen: Maybe I should just write the lineup card.

Maddon2009: No! You don't understand how difficult this is.

Maddon2009: I have to pencil in one guy at pitcher, one guy at catcher, one guy at first base, one guy at second base, one guy at third base, one guy at shortstop, one guy at left field, one guy at center field, one guy at right field, and one guy at designated hitter.

Maddon2009: This is like trying to solve a freaking Rubik's Cube.

NotOzzieGuillen: no it isn't, it's like trying to solve a fisher-price block puzzle that you have already solved 200 times

Maddon2009: You're right. You're right.

Maddon2009: Okay, how does the designated hitter work again?

NotOzzieGuillen: It means that a player bats in place of a pitcher.

Maddon2009: What? That's not baseball!

NotOzzieGuillen: I know it's not baseball. It's the American League.

Maddon2009: oh yeah

Maddon2009: okay, here we go

i can write this lineup card

**OnlineHost** After the game...

Maddon2009: We won!

NotOzzieGuillen: well yeah, but you lucked out

Maddon2009: What do you mean?

NotOzzieGuillen: your lineup card didn't have any words on it

NotOzzieGuillen: it was just a drawing of an anthropomorphic refrigerator driving a tank toward berlin circa 1945

Maddon2009: It was?

NotOzzieGuillen:

Maddon2009: ha

NotOzzieGuillen: well at least you're not a blogger

Maddon2009: yeah bloggers make elementary mistakes

NotOzzieGuillen: yeah

Maddon2009: yeah