What the Lakers Stand to Gain

The Larry O'Brien itself is plenty of motivation for the participants in the 2009 Finals. But there will also be a few individual goals driving those involved.

Kobe Bryant: The commercial failure of Kobe Doin' Work made it apparent No. 24 needs much more face time. Can he get an ad campaign, maybe something with a puppet? It's evident Kobe can only get the media and popular culture attention he deserves by winning a championship. (Let's be honest, though: after that 2002 championship jacket, Kobe doesn't deserve to touch the trophy ever again.)

Andrew Bynum: Drew really needs Kareem to get off his back. Oh, did I say Kareem? I meant Nicole Narain. It's hard to show on the pick-and-roll with a playmate on your shoulders!

Also: What the Magic Stand to Gain

Phil Jackson: What could be better than snuffing out Red Auerbach's big cigar in the sky with Title No. 10 against ... err, Orlando? (It would have been sweeter last season, I'm guessing.) At least this time Phil's critics can't claim credit should be primarily given to his team's unbelievably stacked roster. (Oh, wait ...) Maybe the real goal is to avoid more "strained" evenings of woe with Little Phil's lady friend, Jeanie "The Boss' Daughter" Buss. Win for love!

Lamar Odom: If the Lakers lose, Odom could average 20/10/5 and still be accused of malaise, or laziness, or (unfortunately) dimwittedness. With L.O.'s Last Big Contract coming this summer, dude really needs his team to win.

Adam Morrison: The perks that come with being named the Council of Irrelevant Busts Who Nonetheless Win a Championship Within the First Three Years of Their Careers (C.I.B.W.N.W.C.W.F.T.Y. for short) are amazing. Plus, with immediate past-president Darko Milicic potentially fleeing for Europe, there could be an open board position. Wicked!

Pau Gasol: Someone must undo the damage done by Mark Madsen.

Trevor Ariza: Ariza is clearly the most important NBA player of our time. Well, of this series. Kind of. "TrevAr!" (the exclamation point is silent) has already earned a serious payday in unrestricted free agency this summer. But killing Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu softly these next few weeks could make July less dramatic, and more lucrative.

Mitch Kupchak: A championship (technically) without Jerry West will finally give Kupchak the confidence to demand a reserved parking space at Staples. (Yes, this is a big series for Mitch.)

Luke Walton and Derek Fisher: More TV time, more attention, more stalkers. Wait ... that's not a good thing. Well, if it appears Luke and Derek are attempting to throw the series, we'll know why.

Shaquille O'Neal: Shaq's anger at Dwight Howard's identity theft and sniveling hate for Stan Van Gundy far eclipses the big fellow's age-old dislike for Kobe, Bynum and Kupchak. (That's definitely one method to escape Diesel's doghouse: just wait for him to pick a fight with someone new.) I'm not sure what Shaq necessarily has to gain from a Lakers victory, other than some schadenfreude. I just felt it needed to be pointed out how many people involved in this series have been the target of Shaq's barbs at one point or another.

Sasha Vujacic: Currently, the second most prominent Slovenian to win an NBA championship is Beno Udrih. The Slovenian National Bureau of Slovenian Pride and Honor has offered up a substantial reward for the man who displaces Beno on this list. Vujacic, Dragic: the race is on.