I am going to keep reusing this picture of Stephen Strasburg until you've lost track of which article you're reading, and everyone clicks this looking for draft coverage and we get tons of traffic. Typing typing typing, something about the "spirit of the game," blah blah. This guy is really something, though, and he's going to save the Nationals if he ever ends up pitching for them. I'm going to put him, Matt Wieters, and Jay Bruce on the Baseball Superfriends. Jose Canseco can be Solomon Grundy.

What you need to know: the Washington Nationals selected the San Diego State pitcher No. 1 overall pick in the 2009 MLB Draft. He once struck out 6,200 batters in one game. He looks like he should be playing bass for Incubus.

What you don't need to know: We are not qualified to cover the draft, and that tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	SternLecture: with the first pick in the 2009 MLB Draft... the Washington Nationals select, Stephen Strasburg, from San Diego State.
	SternLecture: The Philadelphia 76ers are now on the clock.
	Online Host Stephen Strasburg has registered a screen name and logged on to the Washington Nationals Chatroom!
	ActaFool: All right, everyone, I want to introduce you to the man who will single-handedly save the Nationals...
	ActaFool: ...'s minor league teams until three years from now when we stuff him into a package deal and send him to the A's for a near-dead Jason Giambi...
	ActaFool: ...Stephen Strasburg!
	SteveStrasburg1: hey everybody, thanks for having me, you know, it's an honor to get to play for a great coach like Manny Acta
	GoodGasMileage: hahaha yuppp its a real honor to play for the fat part a hermans head
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: lookin like mike scioscia ate up a dam p-balloon up in mario world 1
	DukesOfHazzard: hey yo kid, whats with yo screen name
	SteveStrasburg1: What do you mean?
	DukesOfHazzard: /clicks tongue i mean why you pick yo screen name n***a explain it to me
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: yee i aint get it
	SteveStrasburg1: well, uh, there isn't really a lot to explain... my name is Steve Strasburg, and I was drafted #1 overall in the draft... so... SteveStrasburg1?
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: do what
	GoodGasMileage: nah i still dont get it
	ActaFool: Now be nice, guys... you should see Stephen pitch! He once struck out 23 batters in a single game!
	DukesOfHazzard: against who
	SteveStrasburg1: The University of Utah!
	DukesOfHazzard: dis n*a say "university a utah," like thas spost to be some sh
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: that team named after a joke from my cousin vinny, who you take us for
	GoodGasMileage: ay anybody else think this boy look like the devil
	SteveStrasburg1: oh come on, I'm like the heroin addicted Brandon Webb!
	GoodGasMileage: ah ah, lookin like that zombie off dawn of the dead that got the top of his head chop off by the helicopter blade
	DukesOfHazzard: lol neva seen a head so flat, like somebody drop a anvil on jack swagga
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: imma eat skittles off ya head
	SteveStrasburg1: Sorry, my mother gave birth to me while crotch-first to a brick wall. If having a boring handle is the only thing keeping you from accepting me, what should I call myself?
	DukesOfHazzard: mebbe instead of "SteveStrasburg1" you call yourself "ToddVanPoppel2"
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ha, todd van poppel, i loved that mufu**a
	GoodGasMileage: what, why
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: the man fit into his own pouch to make a fun ball for me
	GoodGasMileage: hmmm a screen name... strasburg... stras... burg... hmmm
	DukesOfHazzard: how about "hidenburg"
	SteveStrasburg1: Yeah! Because I'm "about to blow up!"
	DukesOfHazzard: because every time i look at your face i say oh the humanity
	GoodGasMileage: lol hindenburn
	SteveStrasburg1: You guys don't have great screen names, I don't even understand them. SteakGrowsOnDmitri? What does that even mean
	DukesOfHazzard: what, you think because we are african-american criminals who can't win at baseball that somehow makes us stupid
	DukesOfHazzard: the washington natinals is a clever crew, dawg, i ain't even bullsh***in
	GoodGasMileage: puns, muh n***a, puns! yee yee
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: you gotta say da namez outloud, rook, you cain just skim an look fa cuss words, there is a technique cuz, a flow
	SteveStrasburg1: but meat doesn't grow on trees, what the hell is wrong with you
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: how bou you make ya screen name "strasburg grows on dmitri's nerves an gets got"
	SteveStrasburg1: the only one I understand is Elijah's, and that's just because it's the name of a television show
	DukesOfHazzard: yeah but it works on multiple levels, because
	Online Host DukesOfHazzard wants to directly connect. Online Host DukesOfHazzard is now directly connected.
	DukesOfHazzard: /
	SteveStrasburg1: oh is that how it's gonna be, well
	SteveStrasburg1: /
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: huh
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay yo duke, i like his better
	GoodGasMileage: yee, me too duke
	DukesOfHazzard: maaaaaan /clicks tongue
	Online Host Several minutes later
	SteveStrasburg1: /licks pieces of Star Crunch off of plastic wrapper
	SteveStrasburg1: so who do you think the Mariners are going to pick
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: big dog glenn robinson
	SteveStrasburg1: The basketball player? From the 90s? This is the 2009 MLB draft
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: it dont matter, none a this sh** ever make sense

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