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Manny Ramirez is in the news again for saying... well, I don't know. I haven't had a chance to make the news rounds yet, but I'm going to bet Manny spoke to reporters long enough to tell them that Jamie Hoffman or whoever has severe mental retardation and is therefore "not really a person," and how Manny should be starting in his place, suspension or no. Then two days later Manny apologizes, and we forgive him, because he is really, really good at baseball.I find it a lot easier to forgive Manny Ramirez on the internet, where his sociological problems can be explained away as childlike innocence. Other things I enjoy doing on the Internet: making grown up millionaires talk like messed up babies, and posting today's Dugout, which is after the jump.
The Dugout
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MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play yet |
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bud_is_wiser: No, not yet. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: /tucks front of XXXXL jersey into pants how bou now |
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bud_is_wiser: No. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play dh, is barely even beisbol, i no feel or run or anything |
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bud_is_wiser: No, you play in the National League. They don't use the DH. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play a ole-star gay |
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bud_is_wiser: No, you're suspended. That wouldn't be fair to the real players. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: what if ppl vote for manny |
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bud_is_wiser: Then we'll put a do-rag on Manny Corpas and let him play instead. You can't play baseball right now, just deal with it. You didn't want to play anymore anyway! |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: what if manny went an play for clevelan indians, hit home run into dour city |
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bud_is_wiser: No, right now the Indians are still technically a major league team. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play for boson red sogs |
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bud_is_wiser: Sure! Why not. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: i, uh |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: no nevermine manny is suspented it woul no be fair |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: can manny at lease be the funny dotcher in the chat room who make evrybody heart shine with laughter |
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bud_is_wiser: Nope, you've already been replaced there, too. |
| **Online Host** Meanwhile, in the Los Angeles Dodgers Chatroom... |
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Pierrepants: Okay, I got one! What did the tree say to the baseball player! |
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EthierOr: What? |
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Pierrepants: Babe Root? Wait a minute, I messed it up |
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CunningStults: Man, you are terrible at this. |
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EthierOr: Yeah, but did you notice how scrappy that joke was? His comedic intangibles are great. |
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Pierrepants: /steals two bases, befriends online community with mistimed knock knock joke |
| **Online Host** Back in the MLB General Chatroom... |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: oh come on budd why woan you let me do any thing |
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bud_is_wiser: Because you were suspended for 50 games for violating our Performance Enhancing Drug policy. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: what happen happen, i talk to frank magort, i apologize. i spoag to joe, my tea mates, i am ready to move on |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: i did no kill anybody, i did no rape anybody, so thats it, i just gonna come and play the gay |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: rape an murder are the only thing i shoul ever be discipline for |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: is not like i compare you to adolf hitler the man, say that you concentrate on jews an make holocosts, perhap that would be groun for suspention |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: rape, murder, callin you adolf hitler the man an maybe steeling if i steeled somethin big like a gar |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: i just gonna come and play the gay |
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bud_is_wiser: Nope, you aren't going to do either of those things, you're going to stay at home and watch cartoons and keep thinking up dumb things to say so people will write about you. |
| **Online Host** bud_is_wiser has signed off the chatroom. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: aw |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: papi what has happen to our hood, all the ol red sogs player havin troubles. manny is suspented... |
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OrtizItThisOne: I'm doing so badly I've been bumped down to 11th in the lineup. Francona has me batting behind Wally. |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: even papelbom is messin up |
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KingOfPap: no im still jawsome |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: o |
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KingOfPap: u wan play spies |
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MannyTheTorpedoes: k |
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OrtizItThisOne: That sounds like fun! I'll play, too. |
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KingOfPap: ok manny me n u play the good spies, papi u play terrible bench spy |
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