**OnlineHost** Welcome to Citizenship Test Chat!

TheBayBoy: why do i have to take a test?

can't i just be like, "here is all the money i have, please take a cut of it and use it to build prisons, now give me a flag and open the freaking gate"

**OnlineHost** Sorry. It doesn't work like that.

**OnlineHost** There are two ways to become a citizen. Either you can fall out of an American womb like a gumball in some sort of arbitrary gumball machine, or you can take a test that demonstrates your knowledge of who did or did not invent the cotton gin.

TheBayBoy: eli whitney

**OnlineHost** Congratulations! You have just answered the first 16 answers correctly.

TheBayBoy: this is stupid

**OnlineHost** Come on, be a sport! We have to be certain that you will be an upstanding American citizen, just like Pat Sajak and the baby who was born in Cedar Rapids ten minutes ago.

TheBayBoy: alright, fine

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #17: There are three things or ideas that the United States has yet to declare war on. Name them.

TheBayBoy: um

those stupid barbed-wire arm tattooes, fig newtons, hubris

**OnlineHost** Correct!

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #18: If this major American city were to magically disappear one day, not a single person would notice.

TheBayBoy: indianapolis

**OnlineHost** Correct!

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #19: Rank the following American Presidents from the most times murdered by John Wilkes Booth, to least times murdered by John Wilkes Booth: John Adams, Jimmy Carter, John Quincy Adams.

TheBayBoy: john adams, jimmy carter, john quincy albums (tie)

**OnlineHost** What?

Oh okay, wait, no, you're right.

**OnlineHost** Correct!

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #21: What is your reaction to this photo?

TheBayBoy: SOMEONE STOP THAT MAN

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #22: What is your reaction to this photo?

TheBayBoy: sorry gotta run, i have to pick up my kid from soccer practice

**OnlineHost** Wow, you are acing this test.

TheBayBoy: you pick up the nuances pretty well once you're here for a few years

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #23: What is Canada?

TheBayBoy: sigh

TheBayBoy: america's silly hat

**OnlineHost** Correct!

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #24: In the Presidential order of succession, the Vice President is first, and the Speaker of the House is second. Who is 201,926th?

TheBayBoy: ummmmmm

umumumummm

oh god i know this

TheBayBoy: jerry don gleaton!

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #24: Correct!

**OnlineHost** Last one.

**OnlineHost** QUESTION #25:

What does "being an American" really mean?

TheBayBoy: /shrug

**OnlineHost** CONGRATULATIONS! You have received a perfect 100% score. You are now officially an American citizen. Go get 'em, slugger!

TheBayBoy: thanks

/exits to waiting room

IWouldFloat500Maels: oh hello

IWouldFloat500Maels: my name is maels rodriguez, i made it to america by fording the freaking gulf of mexico via a crudely-constructed raft

TheBayBoy: oh cool

TheBayBoy: i drove across the border in a 1995 nissan with a power sunroof

IWouldFloat500Maels: high five

TheBayBoy: high five