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Over the last few months, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa has been involved in a complicated legal matter with social networking site Twitter over the unauthorized use of his name and person for a parody, kinda-sorta identity thieving Tony La Russa Twitter page. Now that the matter has been settled, it is safe for us to write about without Tom Nieto (or whoever) rushing to his legal team to protest the idea that he once dropped a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the ground outside of a Radio Shack.This afternoon's Dugout is @ the jump.
The Dugout
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LaRussasOnFire: All right, the All-Star Break! Now I finally have time to catch up on the things that really matter. /puts on reading glasses |
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LaRussasOnFire: what's been happening on my stories? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: David becomes more and more convinced that Liza is passing off his and Amanda's baby as her own. |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Ryan and Erica enjoy their afternoon together but she ends up soaking wet after a mishap. Kendall arrives at the penthouse to find Erica wearing nothing but Ryan's shirt. |
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LaRussasOnFire: Hmm, sounds interesting! Which one is Erica, again? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: The xenomorph. She spits acid, and her claws can- |
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LaRussasOnFire: No, no, I know who she is now. What happened at the fights? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Lesner pulled a horseshoe out of Mir's ass and beat him over the head with it. The fans booed him for daring to make MMA entertaining. |
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LaRussasOnFire: And what about in pro wrestling? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: nobody attempted to make it entertaining |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: last week's episode of Raw was just two hours of handicap matches, all against John Cena, and he won all of them |
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LaRussasOnFire: How fares the Internet? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Everything you experience is either the best or the worst thing you've ever done. Everything you say is either really crucially important to you or a personal attack on someone's opinion |
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LaRussasOnFire: What about my social networking sites? Facebook? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: someone you talked to once a long time ago "became a fan of walking around in bare feet," whatever that is supposed to mean |
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LaRussasOnFire: Myspace? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: nobody has logged into Myspace in eight months, but 250 bikini models are moving to your town and want to get to know you |
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LaRussasOnFire: Friendster? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: became glaciologically covered in sheets of ice several thousand years ago |
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LaRussasOnFire: tonylarussa.diaryland.com? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: do you consider an abacus to be a "social network?' |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Should I check your Twitter? |
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LaRussasOnFire: my what now |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Twitter? To monitor your tweets? The tweets that you twot? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters, displayed on the author's profile page and delivered to other users - known as followers - who have subscribed to them. |
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LaRussasOnFire: 140 characters? What the hell is this, The Wire? How do I use it? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: you type a sentence, notice that it is too long to tweet, and then gramatically rape it until it is incomprehensible enough to be skimmed by teen girls, who may or may not choose to @ you |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: this could cause you to ROTF whilst L-ing YAO, or, if it is a negative @, make you want to GDIAF |
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LaRussasOnFire: is that Chinese you're speaking, or am I drunk |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: I'm pretty sure you're drunk. |
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LaRussasOnFire: all right then, check the Twitter and tell me what it says |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Miley Cyrus says that she is bored, and then laughed about it. Rapper Puff Daddy wants to put all of his followers into a train and ship them to France, which sounds a lot like "being a Nazi," and Shaquille O'Neal made an onomatopoeia and then explained what sound it is supposed to be |
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LaRussasOnFire: that's it? That's all you learn from Twitter? It doesn't have like... a calculator, or like a clock radio on it or anything |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: Nope. But if you want to know how Wil Wheaton's sandwich tasted, this is the site for you. |
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LaRussasOnFire: can baseball players do this? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: yeah, Jaokim Soria, Carlos Delgado, and Matt LaPorta all have Twitters. Jim Thome told me he had a "TWI," but I don't think that's actually a thing. |
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LaRussasOnFire: All right, you've convinced me... when people think "Tony LaRussa" they think "cutting edge of pop culture." Make me a Twitter! |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: That's what I like to hear! We're Cardinals! We're supposed to tweet! /heads to Twitter signup page |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: uh... well hold on a second ... according to this, you already HAVE one. |
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LaRussasOnFire: I do? Did the Internet already set one up for me? Can it do that? |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: No, this is somebody pretending to be you... it's full of vulgarities and Cardinals-related updates that are basically just you calling Scott Spiezio the F-word |
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LaRussasOnFire: I don't know, that sounds like me |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: No Mr. LaRussa, this is identity theft. You should abitrarily start suing people until this matter is resolved. Think of what it could do to your good name! |
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LaRussasOnFire: You're right, Nick. For a guy who is only around when the real players are injured, you're a wise soul. |
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LaRussasOnFire: Can you imagine it? Someone using your name and image online, pretending to be you, putting words in your mouth? They could make you say or do anything! |
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LaRussasOnFire: that is pretty much the worst thing I can think of |
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ItllBeJustLikeStavinoha: I agree. I'm glad you're going to take action. |
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LaRussasOnFire: I will. Let me finish drinking this case of wine and I will drive as fast as I can to my lawyer's office |
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