This morning, White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle drank sangria in the park. He fed animals in the zoo, then later, a movie too, and then home. Just a perfect day. And he finished it with a single pitch. Do they give peabody awards for sports blog intros? They should, because the next line is going to be presented by itself, so that you know it is more important.

A perfect game.

The 18th in the history of Major League Baseball.

Tonight's perfectly reasonable approach to a Dugout about these events is after the jump.

The Dugout

	WordUpThome: SO THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU ANYMORE
	WordUpThome: YOU SLID A SLIDER TO JOHN OLERUD IN THE SIXTH, AND YOU FELT A POP, AND THOUGHT "OH NO I ROUGHT TOO FAR AND BANGED MY GRABBERS ON JOHN'S EXPOSKELETON"
	WordUpThome: WHICH'D BE TRUE, ON ACCOUNT OF HOW RUDY WEARS SO MUCH ARMOR AT THE PLATE YOU COULD TOSS HIM OFF THE SEARS TOWER AN ALL IT'D DO IS BUST UP YOUR PAVEDMENT
	WordUpThome: HE WAS STRUCKEN OUT, BUT YOU TORE YOUR LABRUM, WHICH YOU SAY IS PART OF YOUR SHOULDER, AND NOT WHAT SCIENTISTS DRINK
	WordUpThome: YOU REHABBED FOR TWO YEARS, AND FOR WHAT
	WordUpThome: A 75 MILES TRAVELED-PER-HOUR FASTBALL, A BELOW AVERAGE HIGH SCHOOL CURVED BALL, AND A CHANGE-IT-UP WHAT LOOKED LIKE GRANMAW BOLWING
	WordUpThome: WOW I NEVER KNEW THAT TEARING YOUR LABRUM COULD MAKE YOU PITCH LIKE JOSE LIMA
	WordUpThome: YOU COULD NOT MAKE IT BACK TO THE BIGS, AND THAT IS WHAT CAUSED YOU TO START JUICING
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: PEER PRESSURE CAN BE HARD, I STARTED JUICING BECAUSE JACK LALANNE'S DRINKS LOOKED SO DELICIOUS
	WordUpThome: YOU BEGAN TO TAKE HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE, PRESUMABLY FROM A WINDOW SILL WHERE THE LADY OF THE HOME HAD PLACED IT TO COOL
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: YOU KNEW THAT TAKING HGH WAS EVEN RISKIER THAN EATING AN ENTIRE TUB OF BUTTER SUBSTITUTE
	WordUpThome: SO YOU ONLY TOOK A FEW INJECTIONS, AND THEY HELPED YOU TO FEEL BETTER, BUT YOU STOPPED
	WordUpThome: ETHICALLY DO YOU FEEL YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: MY NAME ISN'T EXTREME AKEEM SO I AM IN NO PLACE TO JUDGE YOU
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: THE DRUG THAT YOU TOOK AND PUT INTO YOURSELF WAS NOT BANNED BY BASEBALL, MERELY "FROWNED UPON" BUD SELIG FROWNED AND RESTED HIS SWEET HEAD UPON A BED OF HGH BOTTLES
	WordUpThome: YOU TOOK THE DRUGS, BUT YOU STOPPED QUICKLY. YOU STOPPED FOR YOUR FAMILY, BUT TAKING MORE DRUGS WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU BACK INTO THE BIG LEAGUES, WHERE YOU COULD'VE HELPED YOUR FAMILY EVEN MORE
	WordUpThome: YOU COUNSEL TROUBLING YOUTHS ABOUT DRUGS, EVEN THOUGH YOU BARELY DID THEM
	WordUpThome: YOU ADMITTED TO USING, BUT ONLY WHEN MITCHELL'S REPORT CAME OUT
	WordUpThome: YOU FESSED IT UP TO THE CHICAGO SOME TIMES, BUT YEARS LATER, WHEN YOUR CHANCES WERE ALL GONE
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: ARE YOU TRULY A GREAT MAN IF YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW IT WITH "I GUESS?" /removes hat, wipes brow
	WordUpThome: IT MAKES PHILOSOPHICAL JIM HIT CONTEMPLATIVE DINGERS, THAT IS FOR SURE
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: WE ARE ALL REPLACEABLE COGS IN A MODULAR MACHINE -- THIS IS A BASIC CONSEQUENT OF HOBBES
	WordUpThome: IS THERE A REASONABLE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO THINKS THAT ETHICS AND LEGALITY ARE COEXTENSIVE, EITHER TERMINOLOGICALLY OR IN PRACTICE
	WordUpThome: DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOME PROFOUND DIVINATION, CAN YOU CONCISELY SUMMARIZE WHAT THE HECK YOU DID WITH YOUR LIFE
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: AHHHH WHAT IS THE MIND
	Online Host YerMainGuy has entered the chatroom.
	WordUpThome: HEY JI
	WordUpThome: JIM, IT'S GUYS
	YerMainGuy: Mark Buehrle is pitching a perfect game, you should get out here and watch this.
	WordUpThome: I CAN'T RIGHT NOW, I AM HAVING AN EXCHANGE OF TOUGH GUY PHILOSOPHICAL RIGHT AND WRONG WITH FORMER PITCHER JIM PARQUE
	YerMainGuy: You aren't talking to Jim Parque, you're reading what he wrote in the newspaper
	WordUpThome: THAT EXPLAINS WHY I WAS TALKING TO JOHN ARBUCKLE THIS AFTERNOON
	YerMainGuy: and that isn't Jim Parque, that is an empty tub of margarine, because apparently you have been eating breakfast for the last 12 hours
	margarine: /sits emptily on table
	WordUpThome: HE TELLS ME THAT MR. AND MRS. COUNTRY CROCK HAD A BABY, WERE YOU AWARE
	YerMainGuy: I don't know who those people are.
	YerMainGuy: Gah, whatever, you should come out and watch this, it only happens like, nine to fifteen times in a lifetime
	WordUpThome: BUT I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT TO ASK
	YerMainGuy: to the margarine
	WordUpThome: .... POSSIBLY
	YerMainGuy: uhhh, all right, but make it quick, after the game we're going to have a pizza party and Ozzie's going to slur and possibly attack us
	WordUpThome: OKAY CATCH YOU LATER BILL AND TED /returns to paper
	Online Host YerMainGuy has left the chatroom.
	WordUpThome: HOW DID THE BOSTON CELTICS PLAY BASKETBALL WITH YOU ALL OVER THEIR FLOOR
	margarine: parkay
	WordUpThome: I CANNOT BELIVE THAT THIS PRODUCT IS NOT BUTTER

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The Dugout: A Perfect Game

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The Dugout: A Perfect Game

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Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

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ON FACEBOOK

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