**OnlineHost** Welcome to Minnesota Twins Team Meeting Chat!

RonGarde: Next point...remember that we're moving to a new stadium next year.

RonGarde: Luckily our stadium is already lined with a giant garbage bag, so cleanup will be quick and easy.

RonGarde: And with that, our timeless "Metrodome outfield walls look like trash bags" trope has been transformed into sad, poignant metaphor. Next subject: the weatherman was saying today that the Twin Cities area is supposed to get up to three hours of sunlight today, so make sure to

**OnlineHost** Brett Favre has entered the chat room.

BallFavre: /unsteadily hobbles into room, pulling a wheeled podium in tow

BallFavre: /adjusts microphone

BallFavre: in case anyone's curious, i cart this around wherever i go in the event that i have something to say

ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: psssst

why does this old man's dialysis machine have a microphone on it

BallFavre: /taps mic

i'd like to formally announce that i am coming out of retirement to join the twins

RonGarde: Um, sir? This is a closed-door meeting. I'm not sure how you got in here, but--

BallFavre: i am confident that i can help this team win

this isn't about me. all i want to do is win. this is a team full of winners, and at this point in my career i just want to win. my name is Winny McWinnerton and i believe the Winsville Winners will give me the best chance to win.

BallFavre: /expectorates sputum

LawnMauer: Is that Latin?

BallFavre: yeah, it's latin for "gut snot"

BallFavre: anyway, i'll be glad to take your questions at this time

RonGarde: /raises hand

Do I know you?

ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: /raises hand

Were you the grandpa from Little Big League? Is that how we know you?

ICasillaThing: /raises hand

How do you play baseball? I've been asking this all year and no one will tell me.

LawnMauer: /raises hand

Wait, you're Brett Favre! Do you crave attention so selfishly because you're bitter that you've been famous for fifteen years and nobody can agree over how to pronounce your last name?

DudeYerGettinADelmon: /raises bat

ya got any ole man candies

BallFavre: okay

okay these are all good questions

BallFavre: ummmmm which one should i answer first

BallFavre: uhhhhh

BallFavre: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

BallFavre: /is sacked

RonGarde: Pops, I don't know what this is all about, but we've, um...our roster is pretty much set.

BallFavre: but i can throw objects really really fast

RonGarde: OH MY GOD PLEASE SIGN THIS CONTRACT

ONE YEAR, $500 MILLION, $900 TRILLION OPTION FOR 2010, FEEL FREE TO GO DIRT BIKING OR PLAY GUITAR HERO AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD LIKE

BallFavre: ehhhhhh

RonGarde: And we'll install the world's largest Jumbotron and show, on continuous loop, that two-second clip of you running helmetless down the field with one finger aloft.

BallFavre: hmmmmm

RonGarde: And we'll leave in the original audio, so it'll be two seconds of the announcer saying "BRETT FAVRE HAS WON TH--" on infinite loop as well, and it will be annoying as sh**.

BallFavre: DEAL

RonGarde: Terrific. You can have Liriano's spot in the rotation.

LirianoHuffington: Aw, come on, skip!

RonGarde: Listen, kid, I've given you ever chance I could, but the simple fact is that your neck is missing.

LirianoHuffington: What, no it's

AHH OH MY GOD

RonGarde: So can you take the ball on Monday?

BallFavre: we'll see how things play out. i have the family to think about. i have to think about my family. also, i have to think about my future. so basically, i have to think about both my family and my future. future is important, and so is my family. hello, my name is family mcfamilyson. family future family future family future fmaily futur famly fturuefkdsjabskjgb

BallFavre: /grimaces

/weeps

BallFavre: looking back on my career, i have no regrets. there are several corollaries to this. a) there is nothing that i regret. b) the number of things i regret is zero. c) i suppose that if there were things i regret, i would regret things, but as it presently stands, i do not have any regrets. d) i'd do it the same way all over again, on account of the fact that i have no regrets.

BallFavre: i proud of the way i played the game. of the things that i am proud of, the way i played the game is one of them. i'm proud of the....proud of...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Did he...I think he just fell asleep.

LawnMauer: WAKE UP GRAMPS

BallFavre: zz-zzz--

aw c'mon ma, just five more sportscenter retrospectives

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

LirianoHuffington: So does this mean I get my rotation spot back?

RonGarde: No. The ligaments in your arm are snap bracelets.

LirianoHuffington: Fine. Fine, then. I retire.

RonGarde: nobody cares