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Tampa Bay Rays mananger Joe Maddon is still wearing those eyeglasses that make him look like Lizzie McGwuire's mom, but he has made an important change by dying his silver hair black. The change was made in preparation for a themed road trip, and because he totally hates his Mom. The story is being reported by MLB.com, ESPN, and the Associated Press because it is... news? Dusty Baker buys a sweatshirt, news at eleven!Anyway, Maddon's hair is now as black as Tampa's chances to win the AL East and it becomes my job to report this in a way that does not involve any charming, Entertainment Weekly-quality human interest wordplay.
Joe Maddon is in favor of the change at the top of the Rays on-field leadership (d'oh!) in tonight's Dugout, after the jump.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Joe Maddon's Living Room Chatroom! |
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Maddon10: /flips through newspaper |
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ChasingGarz: Coach? |
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Maddon10: mmhm? |
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ChasingGarz: It's time. |
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Maddon10: /looks up from newspaper |
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EvanAlmighty: You'd be a really nice catch for somebody. |
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ChasingGarz: /presents box
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EvanAlmighty: pleeeeeeeeeeease |
| **Online Host** Just For Men takes five easy minutes. Targets only the gray hair. And can start something great. Just For Men. |
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Maddon10: Wait, what are you doing in my home? My granddaughter is sleeping in there! |
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ChasingGarz: we want you to dye your hair so you can go out on dates and report back to us via camera phone |
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Maddon10: Sorry, not interested. I think the silver hair makes me look distinguished. |
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Maddon10: And when I cut it short like this it makes me look like Susan Powter! You boys are old enough to remember Susan Powter, right? STOP THE INSANITY? |
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ChasingGarz: no, not even close |
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EvanAlmighty: i'm not even old enough to remember district 9, i only know about it because of VH1 |
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Maddon10: well regardless, not interested. /resumes flipping through newspaper |
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EvanAlmighty: we thought you'd say that, so we brought along a couple of guys to help convince you |
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BlackFrazier: Joe, your gray hair has put you in a rocking chair! |
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MexPower: Your beard is weird! |
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BlackFrazier: Your 'stache is trash! |
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Maddon10: I don't have any facial hair! And I bought this rocking chair at IKEA! It cost me 300 dollars! Who let you in here? |
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MexPower: Your hair gives me a scare! |
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BlackFrazier: Your follicles are diabolical! |
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MexPower: Your gray fills me with dismay! |
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BlackFrazier: Your scalp needs halp! |
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Maddon10: I don't appreciate- |
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BlackFrazier: SILENCE |
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MexPower: You may not interrupt us while we berate you into compliance with rhyme! |
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BlackFrazier: Your trim is grim! |
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MexPower: Your perm makes me squirm! |
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BlackFrazier: Your cuticles make me need pharmaceuticals! |
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MexPower: Your hairdo makes me declare "spew" |
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Maddon10: ENOUGH! GET OUT, AND STAY OUT! And you have stupid usernames! "Mex Power," what is that even supposed to mean? |
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MexPower: Our screen names have been deemed lame! |
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BlackFrazier: No play for our alphanumeric display! |
| **Online Host** MexPower and BlackFrazier have left the chatroom. |
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Maddon10: And you two! I would've expected better from you than bringing desperate old sports personalities into my home |
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Maddon10: other than "you are ugly" and "you need to find a 20 year old girlfriend," give me one good reason why I should dye my hair black |
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EvanAlmighty: because we are going on a road trip and it is Johnny Cash themed |
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Maddon10: what? Couldn't I just do a bunch of drugs and cheat on my wife? |
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ChasingGarz: no, the Yankees are already doing that theme |
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Maddon10: okay then |
| **Online Host** Five Easy Minutes later... |
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Maddon10: Does this make me look too much like the creepy guy from LOST? |
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MexPower: His edge is back! |
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BlackFrazier: He's right on track! |
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MexPower: BACKFIELD IN MOTION! /points idiotically |
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BlackFrazier: He MOVES and GROOVES! |
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Maddon10: How did you get back in here? Where are Matt and Evan?? Wait, where is my wife? HONEY? HONEY!??? |
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BlackFrazier: HE SCORESSSSS |
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