Jason Giambi, famous for his seven years with the New York Yankees, an AL MVP award with Oakland in 2000, and an older Dugout buddy icon that made him look like a goomba from Super Mario Bros., has agreed to a deal with the Colorado Rockies, according to multiple sources. Giambi is fresh from a release in Oakland, where he shocked statisticians by somehow getting his batting average into negative numbers.

The addition of Giambi to the playoff-hopeful Rockies gives them a powerful bat and %8000 more worthless fat in their lineup. Will this help them get to the promised land? Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Colorado Rockies Free Buffet Chatroom!
	LongLiveGiambi: nom nom nom nom nom
	LongLiveGiambi: /empties entire tray of mini-corndogs onto plate with sweeping forearm gesture
	BarmesAway: Jason! How are you enjoying the spread? Have you tried the Rocky Mountain oysters?
	LongLiveGiambi: I close my eyes when I eat, so maybe... which ones are the rocky mountain oysters
	BarmesAway: those little fried things /points to buffet
	LongLiveGiambi: oh, I thought that was okra somebody spat in
	LongLiveGiambi: sorry, never been a big fan of oysters... I'd rather eat a cow's balls than eat oysters, haha
	BarmesAway: well hey listen, while I've got you here, I've got to be straight with you... we didn't just bring you here for a buffet.
	LongLiveGiambi: yeah I figured /palms pork lo mein I'm a free agent now, so you want me to join the team
	BarmesAway: you could say that /puts hand on Giambi's shoulder
	BarmesAway: Jason, did you know Jesus has an awesome plan for your life?
	LongLiveGiambi: /stares blankly /slowly takes bite from full rack of spare ribs
	BarmesAway: He came and died for your sins so that you may live with Him forever in Heaven. He loves you *so much* that He wants to give you hope for your life and a future you can look forward to.
	BarmesAway: Would you like to say "yes" to the plan Jesus has for your life?
	LongLiveGiambi: I... uh... how much does it pay
	BarmesAway: UBALDO! Get over here with that inspirational diagram!
	GoUpUbaldo: sí /rushes across room carrying felt board
	Online Host GoUpUbaldo would like to directly connect to your heart. Online Host GoUpUbaldo is now directly connected!
	GoUpUbaldo: /
	BarmesAway: People have tried many ways to bridge this gap between themselves and God. No bridge reaches God... except one.
	LongLiveGiambi: i don't know if i wanna use that bridge, clint, i know somebody who died on it
	BarmesAway: Think of it in terms of baseball... we are "people," yes?
	LongLiveGiambi: you're people who live in colorado, so barely, but yes
	BarmesAway: God represents all things positive and holy, so think of him as, say, a playoff berth.
	LongLiveGiambi: so what you're saying is that in this example, I am Christ
	BarmesAway: you are Christ in no example. Christ stays Christ.
	BarmesAway: if we want to make it to the playoffs, we will need to trust in God that he will believe in us, help us, and occasionally make an umpire say our player touched home plate when he totally didn't
	LongLiveGiambi: the gap between us and the playoffs doesn't look very big, if you climbed down to some of the lower rocks you could jump across fairly easily
	BarmesAway: the gap is much larger in real life, the diagram was made purposefully small to fit in the chatroom table
	LongLiveGiambi: i've been to the playoffs plenty of times, and i've got a few tricks up my sleeveless arm if you want to do it without the lord
	LongLiveGiambi: what if we go out, get as drunk as humanly fr*ckin possible
	BarmesAway: 1 Corinthians 6:10 lists drunkards among those who will not inherit the kingdom of God.
	LongLiveGiambi: okay, what if i grow a mustache? a real bristly one, what makes me look like larry csonka
	BarmesAway: the Bible has a whole thing about not lying with a man as you would with a woman, and mustaches are Leviticus's great bookmark
	LongLiveGiambi: that ain't the only way to bust a slump, what about THONGS? thongs will bust it all night long!
	BarmesAway: again with the Leviticus
	LongLiveGiambi: how about this: what if we kiss each other on the mouth every time we get out, so that way if we don't wanna be gay we gotta win
	BarmesAway: Jason, there is no way to the playoffs without Christ.
	LongLiveGiambi: Wow, you're right. Jesus really IS the way. Tell me, how can I help bridge that gap?
	BarmesAway: Pray to God that you can hit over .200, or ask him to take Mario Mendoza's life.

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