In surprisingly out of character news, Ozzie Guillen is losing his ability to remain positive in light of the unfortunate, existential things happening to the White Sox lately. They've suffered fourth walk-off losses in the last two and a half weeks, the percentages are failing, lineup changes are fruitless... basically Ozzie is standing on the dugout steps while everything else cracks and breaks and is swallowed into the Earth.Today's Dugout takes a step back to examine the psychological reasons behind the Chicago collapse. Hey guys, it's the examined life!
The Dugout
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: /looks at index cards "Wrong." |
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WordUpThome: RIGHT |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Bark." |
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WordUpThome: BIGHT |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Shark." |
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WordUpThome: HEY M |
| **Online Host** OzzieOzzieOzzie has entered the chatroom. |
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WordUpThome: MAN JAWS WAS NEVER MY SCENE AND I DON'T LIKE STAR WARS |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: What? What's going on in here? Jim, what has the chihuahua from Oliver and Company been telling you? |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: It's me, coach, Brent Lillibridge. |
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WordUpThome: ISN'T HIS SCREEN NAME A GUT BURSTER |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: We were just doing a little word association, trying to figure out what is going on psychologically with the team. |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: I already know what's going on with the team... Murphy's Law. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: Nothing is working and everything is falling apart. I just look at it and shake my head and say "wow, what's next." |
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WordUpThome: I THOUGHT MURPHY'S LAW WAS ABOUT REVERSING NEGATIVES |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: No, that's DALE Murphy's Law. |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: I'm willing to try anything at this point, I don't want to turn into a nihilistic John Leguizamo voice |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: You haven't reached nihilism, or "Big Hurt's Law" yet, where baseball becomes anarchic and we stop wearing numbers |
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WordUpThome: OR ITS COROLLARY "THE BILL RIPKEN PROPOSITION" WHEREUPONIN WE CARVE SWEAR WORDS INTO OUR BATS |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: Since when did you know so much about psychology, Rory Gilmore? All you ever do is talk |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: I'm Brent Lillibridge, skip. |
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WordUpThome: WHAT BARRY PEPPER IS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT YOU SHOULD TRY WORDED ASSOCIATION |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: How does it work? |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: I say a word, and you tell me what it makes you think about, or how it makes you feel. |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: okay, let's give it a try |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: /looks at index cards "Minnesota" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: metrosexuals and trash bags |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Detroit" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: metrosexuals IN trash bags |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Cleveland" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: I should call them and see if they'll give us Grady Sizmore for a box of trash bags |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: but the wimpy ones, not the Hefty Hefty sinch sacks |
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WordUpThome: DEAR LOORD NO THOSE ARE OUR BEST SACKS |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Kansas City" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: where I'm gonna go if I ever get fired from here |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: I could drag Buck O'Neil's corpse to the mound in the middle of the game, piss on his face, and they'd give me a 3 year contract extension |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Lou Piniella" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: a north side guy who I hope burns in Car Noise for all eternity |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Brian Anderson" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: stupid spear chucker |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Chicago White Sox" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: SON OF A [beep] PIECE OF [beep] sucking [BEEP] who [beep, beep] can kiss my [beep] and juggle my [beeping] [beeps] |
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WordUpThome: HEY MY HOT POCKET IS READY... WAIT, NO, WAIT, YES, WAIT, NO, WAIT, YES, OKAY, YES WAIT NO, HOLD ON |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: "Ozzie Guillen" |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: seems like a nice, level-headed guy |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: /stares at index cards for several seconds |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: I'm not sure anything on these cards can help us. |
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WordUpThome: PUT YOUR CHIN UPWARD, COACH -- LIKE DOO-DOO, SLUMPS HAPPEN; IF WE PULL UP OUR SOX AND PLAY HARD WE SHOULD BE OUT OF IT BY NOVEMBER |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: You're right, Jim. I'll try to stay positive. With great players like you and Roger Maris here, we're sure to come out of it. |
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FrogsCrossALillibridge: my name is Brent Lillibridge, coach |
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OzzieOzzieOzzie: How long did you stay in the womb before you were born? It looks like you have a teacup for a head |
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