Emmitt Smith Pimps Pork, Tailgating
Which is why I thought ESPN should have never (ever ever ever) put Smith on live television. Let him tape his segments, run them during Countdown, or halftime of Monday Night Football, or whenever, and we're all spared the slow-motion train wreck that had become an Emmitt live spot.
Of course, a lot of people enjoy slow-motion train wrecks. You might be one of those people. If you also happen to love pork, well, you're in for a treat: below Emmitt reports from the shiny, new Jerry Dome parking lot to talk up tailgating, the other white meat, and the Cowboys' chances in 2009. Predictably, unintentional comedy ensued.(Via NESW Sports)
If for some reason you're too lazy to watch the video but enjoy reading Emmitt murder the language, Awful Announcing kindly transcribed the highlights:
"For fans that are going to the ball game, they have an opportunity now to tailgate at a brand new stadium and smoke it up and serenade the whole stadium itself. To me tailgating is a part of game-day experience. And what we found is that 42 percent of the people prefer pork over the other meat. And at tailgate parties I can understand why because pork is easy, easy to cook, its simple and it's affordable, and so going to game day stadium, look for everyone out there to be tailgatin'. To be using some type of pork meat on their grills."
A couple things. First, even if Emmitt had gone with "marinade" there, how do you go about marinading an entire stadium? Second, if 42 percent of the people prefer pork over the other meat, doesn't that mean that 58 percent of the people prefer the other meat?
In Emmitt's next segment he will give the stadium computer techs advice on how to properly shut down Windows while speaking in ASCII.