Starting 11: Buckeyes 1 Flag From Bills

Thanks to my wife, I root for Michigan.

It's a fringe benefit of marrying into fandom, I get to watch Big Ten games with a rooting interest, but experience none of the pain if Michigan loses. Such was the case on Saturday. While I sat in Neyland Stadium and watched Tennessee's season unravel around me, I occassionaly got a cheery update on the progress of the Wolverines. By 8PM, my wife was upbeat; I was despondent.

But I wasn't alone, I had Oklahoma State fans accompanying me down the primrose path of shattered dreams. Same thing with Notre Dame fans. If opening weekend Saturday was an eye-opening jaunt into the welcoming embrace of college football season, this past Saturday was the day when the cruel hard hand of reality pimp-slapped many of us. Doubt me? Ask Ohio State fans how they feel this week. In fact, let's play a game inside the ClayNation Starting 11, what if Miami doesn't get flagged for pass interference in 2003?

1. Then "THE" Ohio State Buckeyes are college football's Buffalo Bills, even more so, right?

Ohio State would have lost the 2003, 2006, and 2007 title games. They already lost the big game at home to Vince Young and Texas in 2005, the big game to USC in 2008 and now 2009, the big game to Texas in 2008's Fiesta Bowl. Think about this for a moment, absent that one single, belated penalty, Ohio State is the untrammeled master of failed expectations. Jim Tressel isn't a genius in a sweatervest who owns the Big Ten, he's just a guy in a sweatervest who is the best of a bad lot of teams. The guy in charge when Michigan switched identities.

If Buckeye fans think they have it rough now, just imagine what happens if that flag doesn't come out of that official's pocket at the last possible instant.

2. Funniest quote from the weekend. As we watch highlights of Michigan upsetting Notre Dame, a former UT football player puts his arm on my shoulder and sighs wistfully, "Do you know how much ass Tate Forcier just got with that pass?" he asked.

Yeah, a lot.

Another question, how much does the last name Forcier redeem the first name Tate? As is, Tate Forcier is an awesome name. Brent Musberger is already salivating at the thought of pronouncing it on air. But imagine if his last name is Smith.

Tate Smith? (Ed: We apologize to New Mexico's Tate Smith and invite him to discuss the shortcomings of the name Clay Travis. Or his thoughts on peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Your move, Lobo.)

That's right up there with Casey Dick as names go. He probably doesn't even end up a quarterback. (Ed: Except in New Mexico, America's goober grape state) In fact, Tate Smith doesn't even get selected for the fraternity he wants to join.

But Tate Forcier? The last name redeems his entire future. Do you think his parents had this debate? I'm picturing the mom being completely behind Tate and the dad agreeing only because the last name somehow combines with the first to make the name awesome.

3. On the South Carolina-Georgia game, how much would have you wagered if someone had said, "I'll give you an over/under of 77 in that game."

I probably would have put my house on the line.

Seriously.
I would have thought this was the equivalent of getting to invest in the Microsoft IPO in 1986.

South Carolina managed seven points in their first game, Georgia 10. Then, inexplicably, both teams arrive on the same field and a shootout emerges. Joe Cox and Stephen Garcia turn into Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, both teams surge up and down the field. And the game doesn't end without South Carolina trying to score to go over 40 as well.

Question for Bulldog fans, how many points would I have to give you before you put your house on the line against Arkansas this weekend? Would you feel comfortable with the win if I told you your team would score 42?

No, right?

Is there any clearer indictment of a defensive coordinator? I give you 42 points and you still don't feel that sure you're going to win the game.

4. Oklahoma State becomes the first newly arriving Top-10 team who can't handle the hype.

Somewhere T. Boone Pickens just bought more windmills to blow away his tears.

All season long we hear all about Georgia, then Houston -- not the Texans -- roll into Stillwater and hang 45 on the home team. I bet this loss stung worse than the collapse of oil prices last season. After a long offseason where we all debated who in the Big 12 South, Oklahoma, Texas, or Oklahoma State would dominate, two of the three teams already have losses before the midpoint of September arrives.

Who was the biggest national loser in this game? Dez Bryant. He put up 162 yards receiving on just 8 catches. Before long his defense is going to run him right out of the Heisman race.

5. How amazing is USC's Pete Carroll in big games?

I don't think we write or talk about this enough.

Is there anyone you would rather coach your team in the biggest game of their season? Wouldn't this be the ultimate scientific experiment, trying to quantify the Carroll effect in big games? Like, what if Michigan got him for Ohio State week? Or Georgia for Florida week? Shifting gears, what if UCLA got him for the USC game? How many points is his preparation for a big game worth?

I'm not even sure what he does that works so well. Clearly, having good players is part of it. But he manages to get those players to play better in big games than any coach in America does.

Basically I'm convinced that every team in America would do better against their rivals if Pete Carroll coached them that week.

6. Auburn's Gus Malzahn will be a head coach somewhere next year.

Remember when Gus Malzahn arrived at Arkansas fresh out of Springdale High School and Houston Nutt usurped the play-calling duties? Malzahn huffed and puffed a bit and said something like, "High school football isn't much different than college football, there's only a few things a defense can do." And everyone sort of laughed and then he went off to Tulsa and vanished.

Sure, you knew he was putting up big numbers, but you didn't pay much attention because he was at Tulsa.

Now he's back at Auburn and he's got Chris Todd (Chris Todd!) helming an offense putting up over 550 yards per game.

I'll say it right now, if you're a college program in America in need of an immediate upgrade, Malzahn should be your guy. And here's the kicker, he's only 43 years old. Some lucky program is going to get him as their coach next and the sky is going to be the absolute limit.

7. If you're a Florida State fan, how much do you already want this season over?

And if you were a really smart Florida State fan, does any part of you want you to pay off Jimbo Fisher, fire Bobby Bowden and hire Gus Malzahn at the end of the season? Or is that too wacky?

See, I kind of think almost losing to Jacksonville State, while the probation penalty plays out in court, might be a good cue for Bowden. It's clear he's not calling the shots, why allow the program to suffer?

By the way, I'm going to start questioning everything at Florida State. Why are you guys playing at BYU? Are there tons of great football players in the state that you don't presently have access to? I get why BYU wants to play Florida State, but I have no idea why Florida State wants to play BYU.

8. Cal fans get no national attention until they play USC. So I'm going to try and remedy that by pointing out that they do play at noon ET this weekend at Minnesota.

Yep, it's breakfast in Minnesota and Cal fans have to be nervous about this set-up.

Why? Because Cal was also a 14- point favorite last year in Maryland when they traveled across the country, kicked off at daybreak, and lost.

I've had an issue with this for a while, but if I was a commissioner of the Pac-10 I would insist that my team not play before noon pacific time for any games anywhere. The teams aren't on an even playing field, the players are tired, they can't go to sleep the night before the game -- midnight eastern is 9 pacific -- their bodies aren't adjusted when they wake up in the middle of the night pacific time, and the results show.

All so the game can be on television?

It's not worth it.

9. Brian Kelly and Cincinnati are storming the Top 25.


Has anybody in the country been more impressive than the Bearcats out of the gate? An epic beatdown of Rutgers in a game they were expected to lose, and then hanging 70 on Southeast Missouri last week.

Add Brian Kelly's name alongside Gus Malzahn as a coach that is destined to make a bigger program happy for a long time. Notre Dame anyone? And if he stays at Cincinnati could they really contend for a national title one day playing there? Hell, I wouldn't put anything past him so far.

10. Crazy Mike Leach is rolling Texas Tech into Austin with a 2-0 team.

Can you imagine the Big 12 South carnage if Leach pulled off the impossible and snagged another upset victory over Texas? Wouldn't this be the perfect capstone to the month of September? Seeing Leach waving a pirate sword up and down the streets of Austin?

Hell, he might stage his own pirate parade in the Warehouse District.

11. Even LSU fans blink when they see the top 10. "What the hell, we're the No. 7 team in the country?"

LSU's schedule is so backloaded that they should be 4-0 when they head to Georgia the first week in October, but right now the Tigers have played as poorly as any top 10 team in recent memory. Absent a bobbled first down catch, Vandy could have been tied with them in the fourth quarter of a relatively even game. Not to mention that LSU fans still haven't gotten over the close game against Washington.

Les Miles was so upset after the Vandy game that he accosted athletic director Skip Bertman in the hallway.

Les: "Skip, I'm this close to bolting. These fans don't know what I've done for them. Patrick Swayze just died. You seen Roadhouse? Red Dawn? If he can die, any of us can."

Skip: Says nothing.

Les: "Skip, you hear me. I'm going to be like Tecumseh, first in the West, first in peace, first to get out of here. Wolverine, man, Wolverine."

Skip: "Les, you do realize that Jennifer Grey could have won four SEC games with your talent last year, right? How many did you win?"

Les: "Nobody puts Les in the corner."