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The Chicago Cubs have finally won. They've got a new owner who isn't afraid to go straight to the local media and announce that the Cubs are going to the World Series. Boastful words, considering that the Cubs haven't even made it to the playoffs since Abraham Lincoln was in office. But it's just this sort of powerful, positive thinking that can do wonders for a ballclub, and as far as baby steps go, this is a pretty freaking big baby.The transcript of Tom Ricketts being prideful before another season full of "every Cubs season" is after the jump.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Wrigley Field Chatroom! |
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LuckyRickett: GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE MY NAME IS TOM RICKETTS AND MY FAMILY HAS JUST PURCHASED THE EFF STAR STAR STARRING CHICAGO CUBS |
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LuckyRickett: OUR ONE YEAR GOAL: 1. ??? |
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LuckyRickett: I WILL NOW FIELD QUESTIONS |
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Reporter: Yes, hi, my first question: why are you yelling at us |
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LuckyRickett: I'M NOT YELLING, THIS IS HOW WE TYPE LETTERS AT INCAPITAL LLC. |
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LuckyRickett: WE DO SERIOUS, HIGH-LEVEL INVESTMENT BANKING FOR TOP SHELF CLIENTS, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES WE WILL TAKE A LOWER CASE |
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Reporter: Okay. My second question is- |
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LuckyRickett: IS YOUR SECOND QUESTION ABOUT THE GOAT, BECAUSE I BET IT'S ABOUT THE GOAT |
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Reporter: Yeah! There's this goat, and because of this goat, we can't win the World Series! What are you going to do about this goat! |
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LuckyRickett: I UNDERSTAND THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF THE CUBS FAN. MY FAMILY, WE'RE ALL CUBS FANS. I MET MY WIFE IN THE WRIGLEY FIELD BLEACHERS. |
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LuckyRickett: SHE KEPT YELLING "WOO" AT ME, AND WE'VE BEEN PITCHING IT EVER SINCE |
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Reporter: but this goat |
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LuckyRickett: I THINK THE GOAT WOULD BE LESS OF A PROBLEM IF ANYONE HERE THOUGHT POSITIVELY FOR MORE THAN TWO MONTHS AT A TIME |
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Reporter: Hi, I've got a question. Are you aware that your last name is homonymous with a malnutrition bone disease? |
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LuckyRickett: I AM AWARE OF THAT, YES |
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Reporter: and are you aware that from 1994 to 2006, our President and CEO had the word "fail" in his last name? |
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LuckyRickett: YES |
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Reporter: and that the guy working the interim after him had "dunno" in his last name |
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LuckyRickett: WHAT IS YOUR POINT |
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Reporter: I was wondering if at any point in my lifetime the Cubs weren't going to be run by a guy who didn't immediately remind me of failure, confusion, or imminent death |
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LuckyRickett: AS I'VE SAID, THE CUBS WILL BE RUN BY COMMITTEE, INCLUDING PETE, TOM, LAURA, AND TODD RICKETTS, SO EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, YOU'RE GETTING RICKETTS |
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LuckyRickett: AND IT'S NOT JUST THE FAMILY, I WILL BE HANGING ON THE EVERY WORD OF MY SPECIAL ASSISTANTS, SUCH AS ED LYNCH |
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LuckyRickett: HE WILL BE JOINED BY SENIOR ADVISOR JOE FLOUNDER, BASEBALL INFORMANT EDUARDO LOS ONEHUNDREDGAMES, AND COOKIE! THE CLOWN WHO NEVER GOT TO LEAD THE GRAND MARCH ON THE BOZO SHOW |
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Reporter: and you're SURE you're going to win the World Series this year |
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LuckyRickett: YES, IT IS A 100% STATISTICAL CERTAINTY, UNLESS THE YANKEES OR THE PHILLIES OR SOMEONE ELSE WINS IT FIRST |
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Reporter: I've got a question - earlier you mentioned positivity... how can we be positive after 101 years of disappointment? |
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LuckyRickett: BY FOLLOWING MY THREE STEP PLAN FOR INSTANT POSITIVITY |
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LuckyRickett: STEP ONE - KEEP OUR PARK NAMED "WRIGLEY FIELD." WE AREN'T CORPORATE SELL OUTS LIKE SOME TEAMS BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, WHO WANTS TO PLAY IN HUBBA BUBBA STADIUM OR THE GUSHERS DOME |
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LuckyRickett: STEP TWO - KILL MILTON BRADLEY WITH A BATTLE AX AND BURN HIS REMAINS |
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LuckyRickett: STEP THREE - I AM GOING TO STARE AT THIS GOAT UNTIL IT DIES |
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LuckyRickett: OH AND STEP FOUR, WIN THE WORLD SERIES. IT IS A FOUR STEP PLAN |
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Reporter: How do you expect to get these ideas across to your team? |
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LuckyRickett: BY SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE |
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: GOD DAMMIT TOMMY I BEEN CUSSING THIS GOAT OUT FOR 45 MINUTES AND HE WON'T DIE |
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LuckyRickett: NO YOU'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO STARE AT IT |
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: THANK CHRIST "STARE" AND "SCREAM" AT THE ONLY TWO SPEEDS I GO |
| **Online Host** SteakGrowsOnDmitri has entered the chatroom. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: uhhh scu me |
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LuckyRickett: YES, CAN I HELP YOU |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: i google "gusher" an "dome" an it brung me to this chat room |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay anybody gon eat this goat |
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