Welcome to The Dugout Generation 3: FanHouse Back Porch edition. I'm happy to be working with the people in this section now, because it gives the strip a more obviously comedic, less newsbite-oriented environment within to prosper. It also gets me away from psychotic Yankees fans who think that every sentence they read is a serious, literal truth, and that one guy who googles "Mark McGwire" or whatever every three months and gets defensive. Also, I run an exponentially smaller chance of being called an idiot for my opinions when my comic is sandwiched between women's soccer updates and live-blogging of the World Checkers Championships.Today's Dugout is after the jump. Warning: it will give you nightmares.
The Dugout
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bud_is_wiser: /staggers down street in top hat with bundle of papers under arm, murmuring to self |
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| **Online Host** Tiny Tim has entered the chatroom! |
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TimTheEnchanter: Good day, Mr. Selig! And my, what a fine day it is! |
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bud_is_wiser: A good day? The season is over, and the Yankees won the World Series. It's all humbug. |
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TimTheEnchanter: But they was the best team, they was! An' the Yankees on top is good for business! |
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bud_is_wiser: Humbug! And why are you smiling? Did you get a great new video game for your ColecoVision or something |
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TimTheEnchanter: I'm smilng because it's CHRISTMAS, sir! Christmas Day, it is! |
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bud_is_wiser: it's f**king november, why are we doing this now |
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TimTheEnchanter: It's Christmas, just look at the smiling children, the snow, and all the festive decorations! Like this Christmas wreath! Here, you can have it! I made it myself! :) |
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bud_is_wiser: this isn't a wreath, this looks like a big ass bag of weed with some bows tied to it |
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TimTheEnchanter: oh. wait, i think i gave you the wrong thing |
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bud_is_wiser: Hold on, what are you doing with a big ass bag of weed? |
| **Online Host** Tiny Tim has left the chatroom. |
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bud_is_wiser: Bah! Humbug! |
| **Online Host** Later that night, in the Bud Selig's Lonely Bedroom Chatroom... |
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bud_is_wiser: /tosses and turns trying to think of ways to make baseball last until January |
| Voice: oooooooooh, OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH | |
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bud_is_wiser: What was that? Hello? Is someone there? |
| Voice: OOOOHHHH /rattles chains | |
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bud_is_wiser: WHO'S THERE?? SHOW YOURSELF! |
| Voice: Oooooooh you are berry berry scareedddddd | |
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bud_is_wiser: .... Sammy Sosa? |
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CorkyRomano: /appears from the darkness |
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bud_is_wiser: AHHHH HOLY SH** WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU |
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CorkyRomano: i ware the chay i fore in life!! i form it ling by ling, yar by yar while i was on earth, an... |
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bud_is_wiser: NO DUDE YOUR FACE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOUR FACE AHHHHH |
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CorkyRomano: what |
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bud_is_wiser: what do you mean WHAT, you look like f**king solomon grundy |
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CorkyRomano: oh perhap you notice my skin color, i aspected you to, but truss me it is a berry berry natural thing |
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CorkyRomano: haven you notice i been gedden lighter since i show up in beisbol |
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bud_is_wiser: No? Uh... no? |
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CorkyRomano: then let me use gost magicks to show you visual aids |
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**Online Host** **Online Host** |
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**Online Host** **Online Host** |
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CorkyRomano: aw come on |
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bud_is_wiser: augh, no, I don't want anything of yours touching me, even on the Internet |
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CorkyRomano: come on bod i wanna give you some aids |
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**Online Host** **Online Host** |
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CorkyRomano: ok firs aids here is me in los vegas for the latin grammies with my beautiful nubian wife sonia /
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bud_is_wiser: oh my god you're terrifying, I'm gonna start vomiting out of my navel in a second |
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CorkyRomano: i denno i look pretty good, with long hair i kinna look like maranda cosgrove from i-carly |
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CorkyRomano: for comparen contrast, here is me a year before you can see im a little bit darker /
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bud_is_wiser: Right, this is what you're supposed to look like. Although your head in that shirt makes it look like someone's killing the Snuggle bear with a cannonball. |
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CorkyRomano: but when i was play beisbol my skin was darker still... /
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CorkyRomano: an the further back you go the blacker i get until sammy starts loogen like sammy davis juniors /
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CorkyRomano: the upper part of my lip is aspecially black |
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bud_is_wiser: that's a moustache |
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CorkyRomano: my condition is much worst when you see me as a rookie /
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bud_is_wiser: And I guess your head has always been pretty huge. Sorry for thinking you did steroids, Sammy. |
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CorkyRomano: is okay |
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bud_is_wiser: So why are you dying your skin to look like a white guy now? |
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CorkyRomano: !!!! thats no what im doin dominican lou woul be so mad at he if i did that, i have a condition call "vitiligo" |
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bud_is_wiser: that's not a real thing |
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CorkyRomano: EES SOOO REAL! is complex an no fully understood... is chronic disorder that causes depigmentation in patches of skin |
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bud_is_wiser: so why do you uniformly look like Powder from the motion picture "Powder" |
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CorkyRomano: because i fell into a vat of vitiligo |
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bud_is_wiser: ...like the Joker? |
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CorkyRomano: probably |
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CorkyRomano: you have know me for over 20 years bod you know that sammy sosas body is a ever-changing eco-science esperiment |
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CorkyRomano: one day im skinny an can hit no tators, then my body change an im abobo from double dragon an all i can do is hit tator |
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CorkyRomano: one day i ask sopehead church to feed old meat to a dog an the next day i wake up with green eyes |
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CorkyRomano: one day my skin is berry berry dark an then my body change an i loog like china the wrestler |
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CorkyRomano: it is the magic of nature bod you know that, next time you see me i prolly have tentacals an dorsol fin |
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bud_is_wiser: whatever, you aren't my problem anymore. |
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bud_is_wiser: Hey, weren't you going to teach me a valuable lesson about Christmas? |
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CorkyRomano: why, it is november |
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