Earlier this year, Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino did a joint interview with Jon Gosselin from the TLC reality-docudrama "Jon and Kate Plus Eight." I guess that makes them best friends forever, because online newspapers and gossip communities frothing at the mouth for something to rag on during the Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" video delay are "reporting" that Victorino invited the fertile d-hole to his Saved by the Bell-style Hawaiian wedding this month.

Tonight's Dugout, which might as well be a bunch of still photos of celebrities walking, is after the jump.

The Dugout

	NoVictorinoPeace: yeah, sure, you're invited. We're doing it on the 14th in Hawaii.
	GosselinMallard: aw awesome thanks man I appreciate it, it's been real hard finding work lately
	NoVictorinoPeace: this isn't work, it's my wedding. I'm getting married.
	GosselinMallard: so uhhhh are you okay with me also inviting 15 strangers to film me being there so I can sell it to someone, I'm runnin out of smokes and cocoa butter, I need the cash
	NoVictorinoPeace: don't worry, I wouldn't have invited Jon Gosselin if I didn't want someone to exploit me without asking
	NoVictorinoPeace: we've set up an entire section for parasitic sacks of sh**, you're on the same pew as the Octopus Mother and Tucker Max
	GosselinMallard: thanks for inviting so many losers to your wedding
	NoVictorinoPeace: well I was already inviting the Phillies, so I thought "what the hell"
	NoVictorinoPeace: say, what were you planning on wearing to the wedding?
	GosselinMallard: these hot pink Ed Hardy pajama pants and the same pit-stained t-shirt I've been wearing since June
	GosselinMallard: do you mind if I bring my haggard, chain-smoking teenage girlfriend
	NoVictorinoPeace: Are you still dating her? I thought you guys had an emotional row on the Insider or whatever
	GosselinMallard: oh i don't know, i lose track of what's on TV and what isn't... for a whole week i thought i was dating that 45 year old goth chick from NCIS
	GosselinMallard: turns out i was just watchin a sh**load of NCIS
	GosselinMallard: i don't know what to think or do until perez hilton draws all over my picture in MS paint
	NoVictorinoPeace: If you want to keep your career going, you should really try to get back together with what's her name, the lady with the cockatoo ass on her head
	GosselinMallard: are you gonna be okay having all eight of my kids at your wedding? i hear they all have personalities now
	NoVictorinoPeace: come on, Jon, I once did the Monster Box with Mitsuharu Misawa... I know a thing or two about controlling a room full of Asians
	GosselinMallard: sigh
	NoVictorinoPeace: What? What's wrong?
	GosselinMallard: the phrase "monster box" always makes me think of my ex-wife
	GosselinMallard: how many babies are you planning to have with YOUR wife?
	NoVictorinoPeace: a normal amount, because I earn money by providing some sort of service to the community
	GosselinMallard: hey i'm sorry to cut this short, but i haven't talked to access hollywood for like twenty five minutes and i'm starting to get the shakes
	GosselinMallard: but thanks again for inviting me
	NoVictorinoPeace: no problem, Jon, nothing says "good omen" like inviting the Mascot for Divorce to your wedding.
	NoVictorinoPeace: have fun using the rest of your life constructively
	GosselinMallard: cool, bro, i will.
	GosselinMallard: /hides in attic, tells media that he is trapped in a runaway hot air balloon
	Online Host GosselinMallard has left the chatroom.
	NoVictorinoPeace: hahaha, man, I'm glad I'm not pathetic like that guy
	NoVictorinoPeace: /whines some more about getting hit with a beer

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The Dugout: Wedding Guest Plus Eight

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