Knuckle Puck: Area Sports Fans Ask for New Hockey Joke

Each and every Saturday this season I'll be taking a look at the random happenings and absurdities that occur in the world of hockey. Feel free to suggest stories, complain or otherwise babble at me via electronic mail.

Earlier today, a group of local sports fans led a petition for originality from sports media humorists*. Standing outside a local bar the group spoke to reporters with local citizen Michael Davidson representing the group, which was composed of about 10 18-to-35-year-old males and females. The group of fans say that they are "upset" and "distraught" by blogs, websites and sports media who continue to make the same joke about hockey each year.

"We've had enough and we're not going to stand around and let them continue to recycle the same garbage over and over," Davidson said. "I can't tell you how many times I've logged onto The Onion or read a hockey post on Deadspin only to see the same joke made over and over -- that nobody pays attention to hockey. Maybe if they did a little research, they could at least make jokes about how Alex Ovechkin badly needs a shave or Sidney Crosby being a whiner. Instead, we're left with the same material about how nobody in the mainstream knows anything about hockey. Honestly, we think sports humorists have been mailing in their lone hockey joke since 2002 and we've had enough."

While some onlookers of the press conference were clearly confused by the sight of a press conference outside the local watering hole, a few were heard cracking jokes like "hoc-key?" or saying things like "if it doesn't involve a grown man putting his hands between another's legs and yelling manly things I don't care about it" to each other. The press was only slightly more coherent.

"But doesn't the joke still apply since hockey is still irrelevant?" asked one reporter.

"That's not what this is about," replied Davidson. "This is about websites we know and love mailing it in time and time again. If College Humor was making the same beer or boob joke everyday you would be pissed too. It's headlines like 'Hockey Hall Of Fame Ceremony Held At Steve's Place,' 'NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team,' and 'People Probably Affiliated With Hockey In Some Way Inducted In Hockey Hall Of Fame' that grind our gears. It's been five years since the lockout and in that time, you would think they could have come up with another angle."

Dr. Scott Slausmann, a sports humor professor at UC Berkley had some sympathy for the protesters. "Imagine David Letterman cracking the same joke every night for five years... Wait, no... Imagine Jon Stewart continually laying into conservatives and republicans... Err... Look. The fans simply would like some variety but the truth is most comedy is copied or regurgitated."

The protesters didn't seem to make a lot of head way during their press conference, but Davidson vows that they will continue on. "You can laugh at us, but deep down you know that there's room for more than one hockey joke in this world."

*None of this ever really happened

YouTube of the Week and Knuckle Pucker of the Year Rolled Into One

Each week, we'll nominate someone who deserves to be recognized for their outstanding service and commitment to giving me something to write about. By the end of the year I'll come up with some way to declare a winner. Today's nominee is...

...the 1986 Boston College hockey team. They're at the head of the pack right now alongside the Killer Cyber Bear from Alaska for this... For whatever in the name of Peter, Paul and Mary this is.



Jokes I Can't Resist Making
- This has as many awkward white guy high fives as there have been in the entire history of golf.
- Aerosmith realized they needed the help of Run DMC to break into hip hop. These guys need Jay-Z, DMX and at least half the Wu Tang Clan.
- It's a tragedy that this is the height of Scott Gordon's rap career.
- There's a 'high quality' button on the video. If you press it a giant hand pops out of your monitor and slaps you for your insolence.
- This makes the 1985 Chicago Bears look like the Jackson Five.