Uga VII Dies: William Henry Harrison of Georgia Bulldog Mascots

Uga VII, not surprisingly, the son of Uga VI, succumbed to an unexpected heart illness Thursday. The Bulldog mascot, in just his second year prowling the sideline, was only four years old. Presumably, he is survived by many other dogs given that Georgia uses lineal descendants to anoint the next mascot. The mascot-less Georgia team will play on Saturday against Kentucky without their English bulldog on the sideline. In a show of support, the entire team will lick their balls at halftime.

The conclave will soon convene to nominate the next Pope/Bulldog. Wait for white smoke to enshroud the city of Athens. An early betting line on favorites was scrapped after oddsmakers realized that every dog that might replace Uga already looks exactly like Uga and no one would realize he'd actually changed. Head coach Mark Richt, seriously distraught over the dog's death, channeled every reality show television show when someone is voted off, telling the Atlanta Journal Constitution. "You never think something like that could happen that quickly but it certainly did, " Georgia coach Mark Richt said. "It's sad we won't have him on the sideline anymore."

Back on August 30, 2008, no one could have foreseen this calamity. On that bright late-summer afternoon, Uga VII debuted as mascot, at a robust 56 1/2 pounds. He was the biggest bulldog mascot ... ever. And perhaps, in those halcyon days when everyone rubbed his belly and grinned, was sewn the seed of Uga VII's demise. Like many of the grown men and women who barked furiously in his face, he had difficulty turning away from a full plate of food.

Now comes the funeral.

Uga VII, with a Ray Goffian lifetime record of just 16-7, will be interred in the stadium mausoleum alongside his forebears. In the end, Uga VII is the William Henry Harrison of Bulldogs, catching the equivalent of pneumonia as he delivered his valedictory bark.

But all is not lost, his final game was a 31-24 victory over Auburn in the South's oldest rivalry. And his passing, while untimely, is not without benefits.

To wit, 10 good things about Uga VII's passing.

1. He will not have to be on the sideline for the Georgia Tech game.

2. Defensive coordinator Willie Martinez', "It's not me, it's the mascot," explanation for why his defense stinks will no longer fly.

3. A new dog will get to stare down the plunging necklines of the amply endowed Bulldog women when they pose for photos alongside him -- making men everywhere jealous.

4. Internet site traffic for the Atlanta-Journal Constitution will soar once sicko Georgia fans log on for retrospective photo gallery of Uga VII's reign.

5. A new dog gets to stud while looking at pictures of Herschel Walker.

6. The black collar with silver studs that Uga VII wore around his neck can go to someone who really needs it ... Quincy Carter.

7. Tony Barnhart's new book, "Uga VII: A Dog, a People, a Tradition," will climb the Georgia bestseller lists when a special memorial edition is released replete with Barnhart's own brand of hair dye.

8. He will no longer have to travel to the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and be urinated upon by Florida fans.

9. Richt's contract ceases thanks to crafty lawyering. Quoth the contract: "In the event Uga VIII or any number hereinafter attached to an English bulldog on the sideline prowling as mascot (henceforth"Uga"), shall die, then this contract shall become void."

10. The two girls one pup viral video is going to be gold.

Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now.