
This is when a suspension is not a suspension, a major fine is not a major fine.
It took months to figure this out, how to word it perfectly, but on Monday,
the International Tennis Federation did it.
It gave
Serena Williams a punishment that wasn't a punishment.
The $175,000 fine and two-year suspended ban from the U.S. Open and probationary period for her f-bomb laced, threatening tirade at a tiny U.S. Open line judge do sound like big words, don't they?
They aren't. Break it down, and Williams will end up paying just $82,500. She recently referred to $50,000 as the furniture budget in her home remodeling.
If she doesn't have another major outburst, the fine is cut to that number, and the suspension thrown out. She will not miss a tournament. Her debt will be paid.
Look, the fine means nothing to Williams. She won't feel it. But the ITF can say that it's a record size.
OK, Serena? Is this OK with you?
I can only imagine ITF officials pleading with her to please, please let them appear to be an actual governing body.
You remember what happened. The line judge called footfault on Williams, who then waved her racquet in the judge's face and threatened to take the ``(f-ing) ball'' and shove it down her "(f-ing) throat.''
That led to a point penalty on match point. So the match was over.
Let's be honest: Race is an issue. It always is with tennis and the Williams sisters. Some people will think Williams was given a record fine because she's black. Others will think she was given a pass because she's black.
Some people think she was the bully, some think she was victim of a bad call.
The ITF doesn't really care what's right. That was never an issue. The only issue was this: How do you give a penalty that looks big but isn't?
The point isn't that she was punished too much or too little, but rather that it was a non-justice based on non-truths, when true leadership was crying out because people's real feelings were involved about the game, Williams, race, and sportsmanship.
The feelings are so real that some people insist the video evidence proves she never footfaulted. Others demand the video evidence proved she did.
Here's the truth: There is no camera shot, video or still, that can determine anything.
There are lots of truths missing here, a mess that has made tennis look uglier than ever. Williams' smokescreen reasons for her tantrum, her ``punishment,'' the ITF's naked self-interest, John McEnroe's irresponsibility.
The ITF let this thing drag on so long that hard feelings only grew. It became a social debate lining up mostly along racial lines.
So the ITF points out that this is the biggest fine ever at a major. Jeff Tarango got about half as much for storming off at
Wimbledon and calling a chair ump corrupt. His wife later slapped the judge, too.
Of course, the ITF doesn't mention that Tarango was also banned from two majors. McEnroe was once suspended for two months.

But McEnroe had been a brat for years, and that could have been a career-achievement punishment. Serena has not behaved bad nearly as often, though she did threaten a player who cheated her at this year's French Open. In fact, one tennis official told the New York Times, "We're not talking about a John McEnroe type character here."
Here was the telling quote, a bit of truth, from ITF president Francesco Ricci Bitti a few weeks ago:
"I don't think (an Australian Open ban) would make much sense, because it would penalize the people handing out the punishment. For the grand slam committee to exclude her from a grand slam doesn't seem likely.
"A significant financial penalty makes more sense. But it has to be significant enough for the fans.''
They didn't want to kick her out of a major tournament because that would hurt the tournament. How is that's a concern to a governing body?
And they wanted a fine big enough to look like justice, not to serve it.
Let's go back over what really happened, over the truth.
Williams was in the semifinals of the U.S. Open playing
Kim Clijsters in a tight match. Williams had been spouting off all year about how she was the real No. 1, not No. 1 ranked
Dinara Safina. That had racial overtones. So did the sudden popularity of teenager
Melanie Oudin, a white girl from the South, at the Open. How much of her appeal was that she was the great white hope?
So that was the setting. And Clijsters, just back from a 2 1/2-year break, was beating Williams. Williams was two points from losing when she was called for footfault on her second serve.
Did she footfault? Yes. Absolutely.
I was sitting just behind the line judge, several rows back. Other media members were sitting there too. She clearly stepped way out onto the thick baseline.
But that's not really the point. With several chances, Williams could not bring herself to play the final point. Why?
Because to her, that was less embarrassing than losing to a woman just back from maternity leave.
Williams quit this match, not planning to get thrown out, but knowing at some level that she would.
Meanwhile, McEnroe, still the face of the game in many ways, was on TV ripping the line judge, saying he didn't see a footfault and that a judge doesn't make calls like that such in a crucial situation. Juan Martin del Potro, by the way, was called for a footfault in a crucial third-set tiebreaker last week during the ATP Finals.
But whatever, McEnroe, famous for being a jerk to officials, was irresponsibly and unwittingly fueling a racial debate even though there was this truth:
From where he was sitting, he could not have seen whether Williams had actually foot-faulted.
The next day, Williams issued a statement calling it an "unfair line call.'' The day after that, with endorsers presumably upset, she issued a real apology.
She went on to win the tour championship, reclaim the No. 1 ranking, appear nude on the cover of ESPN the Magazine, pitch her new book, appear on Leno and every other show.
Did she get away with this? Obviously.
But was justice served? Well, that was never a consideration.
Email me at gregcouch09@aol.com.
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Serena Williams Photos
FILE - In this Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 file photo Serena Williams, of the United States, argues with a line judge over a foot fault call during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock tells The Associated Press that Serena Williams has been fined a record US$82,500 for her tirade at this year's U.S. Open and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" in the next two years. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, of the United States, talking to officials after arguing with a line judge, far left, during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock's ruling was released Monday, Nov. 30, 2009, and he said Williams faces a "probationary period" at tennis' four major championships in 2010 and 2011.(AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, of the United States, talking to an official after arguing with a line judge over a foot fault during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock's ruling was released Monday, Nov. 30, 2009, and he said Williams faces a "probationary period" at tennis' four major championships in 2010 and 2011. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, talking to a U.S. Open official during her match against Kim Clijsters, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock's ruling was released Monday, Nov. 30, 2009, and he said Williams faces a "probationary period" at tennis' four major championships in 2010 and 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing a line judge leaving her chair to report an argument with Serena Williams, left, of the United States, during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock's ruling was released Monday, Nov. 30, 2009, and he said Williams faces a "probationary period" at tennis' four major championships in 2010 and 2011. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, of the United States, talking to an official after arguing with a line judge during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock's ruling was released Monday, Nov. 30, 2009, and he said Williams faces a "probationary period" at tennis' four major championships in 2010 and 2011.(AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)
AP
FILE - In this Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 file photo Serena Williams, of the United States, speaks to reporters after losing her semifinals match to Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was involved in an argument with a line judge over a foot fault during the match. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock tells The Associated Press that Serena Williams has been fined a record US$82,500 for her tirade at this year's U.S. Open and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" in the next two years. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
ASSOCIATED PRESS
FILE - In this Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 file photo Serena Williams, of the United States, argues with a line judge over a foot fault call during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock tells The Associated Press that Serena Williams has been fined a record US$82,500 for her tirade at this year's U.S. Open and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" in the next two years. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, of the United States, at a news conference after her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined at least a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years, Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock told The Associated Press on Monday, Nov. 30, 2009. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)
AP
FILE - This is a Sept. 12, 2009, file photo showing Serena Williams, of the United States, at a news conference after her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Williams was fined at least a record $82,500 for her U.S. Open tirade and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" at any Grand Slam in the next two years, Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock told The Associated Press on Monday, Nov. 30, 2009. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa, File)
AP
FILE - In this Saturday, Sept. 12, 2009 file photo Serena Williams, of the United States, argues with a line judge over a foot fault call during her match against Kim Clijsters, of Belgium, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York. Grand Slam administrator Bill Babcock tells The Associated Press that Serena Williams has been fined a record US$82,500 for her tirade at this year's U.S. Open and could be suspended from that tournament if she has another "major offense" in the next two years. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings, File)
AP