Clemson Tops Kentucky in Music City Bowl, Likely Ends Rich Brooks' Career

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- With the wind swirling at up to 435 miles an hour -- potentially inflated due to my lack of meteorological training -- the Kentucky Wildcats and Clemson Tigers kicked off for the always exhilarating night game in late December. In Nashville. Between two Southern teams. The only thing less popular among these collective fan bases was the drive to legalize gay marriage via state constitutional referendum.

As I walked across the Cumberland River buffeted by the strong air current, suddenly two small children were swept from their parents' grasp and floated, like tiny mewling dirigibles, slowly across the dark ribbon of the river to the east bank of Nashville. There the children, jaws still agape from their ride on the wind, sat in the shadows of the stadium awaiting the arrival of their stunned parents.

OK, that didn't happen.

But if it had it would have been indicative of the game to come: the wind was the MVP of the Music City Bowl. Ultimately, Clemson withstood the wind better than Kentucky did, pulling away for an uninspiring 21-13 victory and sending Kentucky's Rich Brooks into retirement. "I told my team, [there's] probably [an] 80 percent chance that I'm not coming back," Brooks said immediately after the loss.

Let's break down how the game played out:

1. The Cats set the tone early by kicking to C.J. Spiller.

Brooks won't be intimidated by the most electric playmaker in college football. Nope, not at all.

In fact, Brooks is a madman until he faces Tennessee on the other sideline. Then he turns into the most conservative man on earth.

2. Why doesn't the health of skill position players get more attention in bowl games?

I hate to make arguments in favor of the bowl system, but one of the only good aspects of the current system is that players who have been dinged up for months get the chance to recover from injuries and put up stellar final games of the season. And we all get to see them without the distraction of a million other games going on.

That's a small endorsement, but it's a true one.

The two most explosive players in this game, Kentucky's Randall Cobb and Clemson's C.J. Spiller, both took beatings during the course of a grueling regular season. Cobb definitely needed the break since the Wildcats give him the ball as often as his body can bear. And I'm sure C.J. Spiller did as well. In fact, I think everyone in the stadium is hoping that both of these men are going to have stellar games.

So is everyone watching at home.

3. Early on, Kentucky's freshman quarterback Morgan Newton, who throws passes like a young soldier throws grenades at basic training -- i.e. with the general goal of getting within 10 yards of the target -- tosses a perfect 17-yard touchdown pass.

Kentucky takes a 7-0 lead.

As if we needed further evidence of the importance of the Music City Bowl to the Kentucky program, the Wildcats have arrived fired up to play yet again.

4. Right now Clemson fans are thinking, "Why didn't the season end three weeks ago?"

They're thinking, back then we hadn't yet lost to South Carolina or gotten our hearts ripped out in a game no one in the nation noticed against Georgia Tech.

And now we've managed to fall all the way to a cold weather game against Kentucky? A team that puts up flippin' banners outside their stadium if they win the Music City Bowl?

What did we do to deserve this?

5. Also, Clemson fans could be wondering, "Why did we wear these purple tops?"

Even Prince thought they were a bit louche.*

*louche may or may not be a word.

6. Just when it looks like Clemson might be looking to rush back to the sideline and sit on the warm benches all night, C.J. Spiller, gee, he's fast, breaks out for a 42-yard gain on a screen pass.

In that moment, when he hits full speed racing down the sideline in front of Kentucky's bench, Spiller is breathtaking to watch.

Unfortunately, Spiller will not hit his full stride very often in this game.

A few plays later Clemson scores on a 32-yard touchdown pass to tie the score. The play features the Kentucky defensive back diving for no reason at the end of the play.

You see this so often.

Get beat.

Dive.

Do you get extra points in film study if you dive at the end of the play?

Why else dive?

It's such a little league move.

7. College football titles are becoming more and more like Dwight Shrute's title on The Office.

Check out these at Kentucky:

Joker Phillips is head coach of the offense. But Randy Sanders is offensive coordinator.

Rich Brooks is head coach. But Joker Phillips is also, "coach-in-waiting.

With all of these minds, you'd think Kentucky might have an offensive game plan that didn't consist of, "Give the ball to Randall Cobb."

And if they stop Randall Cobb?

"Give the ball to Randall Cobb again."

And if they stop Randall Cobb again?

I think you get the picture.

8. It's 14-10 Clemson at the half and the Clemson majorettes make the most impressive play of the game by stripping down to their bikini-esque outfits and, shoeless, performing for the band.

I'm still in awe over this.

Not just because they're hot, young and nubile, but because they're willing to strip down for this game to be surrounded by a bunch of geeks in the band.

I wouldn't have been willing to do this.

And I have amazing upper thighs.

9. Five minutes into the third quarter, Lones Seiber makes a field goal to cut the score to 14-13.

At no point does the kick ever get more than 10 feet off the ground.

That's fairly impressive.

What's more impressive?

Lones Seiber is a IV!

How did I not know that before now?

And Seiber is a senior? A thousand curses to everyone who didn't make this a national story.

Namely, Verne Lundquist.

10. Chris Johnson, the man who has made C.J. Spiller a lot of money with his NFL success, is at the game tonight. He just tweeted the following to his 40,000 followers: "YO!! Yo."

Still think Twitter isn't going to revolutionize our universe?

11. It's freezing out there and Kentucky fans are breaking out new Christmas gifts, blue snuggies to help ward off the power of the wind.

In fact, a reader emails me, "Am I the only one that thinks that 'Cats Wear Snuggies' would rival 'Gators Wear Jean Shorts' as the default fashion taunt of the SEC if Kentucky was ever a contender for conference titles?"

Agreed.

With Clemson stopping Kentucky's wildcat package, Kentucky fans stare morosely into their snuggies. All Wildcat offense is nonexistent.

12. At this point, the wind becomes the story of the second half.

First, Clemson misses a 44-yard field goal.

Short and not even close.

The wind is so strong now that the entire stadium is staring up at the flags blowing hard in the distance of the river.

From here, Kentucky takes a timeout, their second of the half to force Clemson to punt into the wind before the third quarter ends.

Seriously, timeouts to take advantage of wind.

December football is grand!

13. I fill out my Music City Bowl MVP form.

My vote?

Wind.

(I actually did this. You had to put the player, "Wind," and team -- I wrote: "God." Tim Tebow is going to be so proud.)

14. After a game without turnovers, early in the fourth quarter the Cats fumble the ball and Clemson takes over at the Kentucky 19.

A few plays later Spiller scores from 8 yards out and it's 21-13 Clemson.

15. With Kentucky's offense stalling and attempting to drive into the wind, Rich Brooks rolls the dice for a fake punt.

The Wildcats convert on the fake, but a few plays later on fourth down Morgan Newton comes up a yard short of the first down.

The game is effectively over.

16. The few Clemson fans in the stadium -- since Kentucky has at least 80 percent of the crowd -- commence a derogatory C-A-T-S chant.

All night long they've listened to the chant, and now they screamed into the cold night air, their own taunting redemption. "C-A-T-S."

17. As Clemson celebrates their 9th win of the season on the field, Rich Brooks, Kentucky's 68-year-old coach who had three consecutive bowl wins prior to this game, announces there's an "80 percent chance I won't be back next season."

Later Brooks says, "I think it may be time for Joker (Phillips) to take over."

On the other sideline, Dabo Swinney celebrates the first bowl win of his career. "I didn't think I was a risk hire," he cackles when asked about the circumstances of his hiring.

And Swinney can exult: only Oregon has had a more successful first-year coaching staff.

18. Outside the wind is still blowing strong over the Cumberland River, and Kentucky fans have filed into the bars to drink away their sorrows.

"Damn the wind," said my friend Tardio. "Damn that wind.

"At least we've got John Wall."