In an attempt to improve their struggling pitching staff, the New York Mets have given $66 million dollars to a mid-.200s outfielder who spent what seemed like sixty years playing for the Pirates before fading into the white-out of Boston. Yes, Jason Bay is headed to the National League. He will be playing next season in Citi Field, where he can enjoy Daruma of Tokyo Sushi while people boo him for striking out.

Now the only thing left to do this offseason is to have Matt Holliday wake up in the middle of the night, turn on his bedside lamp, and say "hey you know what? I'd really like to play for the Nationals." Tonight's Dugout is below. High fives!

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Dilapidated Shanty Chatroom!
	WilponDeReplay: HOW'S THIS, JERRY /holds "NEW YORK METS 2010 SEASON" banner against wall with hands
	InstructionManuel: Almost, just a little to the left.
	WilponDeReplay: LIKE THIS /moves banner to the right
	InstructionManuel: Perfect. /lines up hammer and nail
	InstructionManuel: /holds the hammer steady /pulls hammer back /destroys thumb and half of shanty wall with errant hammer strike
	WilponDeReplay: /falls from stepladder into nearby trashcan
	Online Host TheBayBoy has entered the chatroom.
	TheBayBoy: hey, what are you guys doing
	InstructionManuel: Building an orphanage! We need room if we're going to keep housing the people nobody else wants!
	TheBayBoy: what's the problem, why does it look like something I would drive by on I-77 North
	WilponDeReplay: this hobo's shack is s'post to be a beautiful ball stadium! We build and build and build and everything goes great, so we paint it and tie a red ribbon on the front door
	InstructionManuel: but then we try to cut that ribbon with scissors, and at the last second everything collapses and we accidentally sever our arm
	WilponDeReplay: and we choke to death trying to eat the ribbon
	TheBayBoy: that sounds great, so hey, I was thinking you guys should give me some money to play for your team
	WilponDeReplay: how much we talkin', kiddo?
	TheBayBoy: I was thinking 270 million dollars for two years
	WilponDeReplay: Heh! HEH! 270 million dollars, he says. You hear that?
	InstructionManuel: give us a break, kid, you can't just waltz in here and expect to get Endy Chavez money
	TheBayBoy: I read about baseball on the internet, I know you guys have got to have money lying around here somewhere
	WilponDeReplay: Well let's see... DAVID! C'MERE A MINUTE
	DudleyDoWright: /takes break from building a makeshift fire engine from a wagon and some bicycle horns with local street youths
	WilponDeReplay: David, this guy... hold on, what's your name?
	TheBayBoy: Jed Lowrie.
	WilponDeReplay: Jed Lowrie needs some money to play for our team, you think you could spare a little a yours?
	DudleyDoWright: /fumbles through pockets /exposes bit of lint, spare button, six-year $55 million extension
	WilponDeReplay: How about this, Jed, you wanna play for a button?
	TheBayBoy: I don't know, how much is the button worth
	InstructionManuel: You know, in some cultures, a button like that could be exchanged for goods or services.
	TheBayBoy: if I throw the button into the air above a stripper does it constitute making it rain
	TheBayBoy: nah, no way, not playing for a button
	DudleyDoWright: what about this lint? This is great lint! It came off of my Pedro Feliz jersey!
	TheBayBoy: look, I don't really care about baseball so if somebody would just give me my money I can vanish into the background like I do every season
	DudleyDoWright: If you need money so bad, why don't you just dig through the dumpster?
	TheBayBoy: I thought that was what I was doing
	WilponDeReplay: No, he's talking about the dumpster, right over there... it's got the big "NY" logo on it
	TheBayBoy: /squints that doesn't look like your NY logo
	InstructionManuel: we know, that's where they keep all of their money. We just root through it every now and then. We found Gary Sheffield in there once!
	WilponDeReplay: and Casey Stengel
	TheBayBoy: /wanders over to dumpster, begins sifting through it
	TheBayBoy: what are all these little glass bottles full of windex
	InstructionManuel: that's Derek Jeter's cologne. Keep digging! The money is down there somewhere
	TheBayBoy: /leans into dumpster I don't see anything, are you sure this is-
	WilponDeReplay: /shoves Bay into dumpster, closes lid shut
	InstructionManuel: Go ahead and wheel him over there, we'll use him in the outfield this season.
	DudleyDoWright: I don't know, guys, we can't keep getting players like this. He just doesn't feel like a Met!
	WilponDeReplay: okay, how about this
	WilponDeReplay: /tosses bag of money into dumpster /pulls Bay's leg out of dumpster, violently smashes and breaks it with dumpster lid
	DudleyDoWright: now he feels like a Met