On the top row, from left to right, rest the following: Barack Obama, Tim Tebow, Jesus.
As the sun begins to decline over across the muddy Mississippi, and night comes on, Tim Tebow's college career still has 60 minutes left, a Sugar Bowl tilt against the Cincinnati Bearcats.
I ask Maurer how the $50 Tim Tebow paintings had been selling.
"Not that well," he says. "I haven't sold one yet. Most people are focused on drinking and they don't want to carry around a painting. Lots of people have stopped and looked, though. I think the Gators are upset about being here."
The only other football figure for sale is legendary Alabama coach Bear Bryant.
"To tell you the truth," says Maurer, "I was kind of hoping Alabama was going to be here again. I was expecting it. Last year, I sold 11 Bear Bryant's to Alabama fans."
My wife stands alongside me. She speaks before I even say anything. "You are not," she says, "buying a picture of Tim Tebow."
Let me be clear, I love Tim Tebow because he is the most authentic figure in sports today. Maybe, in all of American public society. Too often our sports heroes like Tiger Woods or Mark McGwire are steeped in artificiality. The same is true of our political figures, our religious leaders, virtually everyone in the public arena today is selling us something that has nothing to do with reality. In an age when we crave authenticity more than any other trait, when our television shows seek to capture reality and when players, coaches, and everyone associated with them sells an artificial image of themselves, I love that Tebow is refreshingly honest, direct, disarming, a man in full.
I don't want to be sold a false image anymore.
And, what's more, I don't want a player to do or say something because he thinks I want to hear that. We've reached an era where player and coach answers are so cliched, they don't even realize that they're spouting cliches anymore. We've all seen athletes and coaches interviewed on television so many times that we know what's coming before it's even said; our athletes are all playing roles.
Tebow isn't playing a role.
Because his role isn't to be cool, or to be calculated, or to do anything like that, it's to be as real as real can be.
That's why no matter how many times Tim Tebow scored touchdowns against my team, no matter how many times he triumphed over other teams that I was rooting for, I don't want to see Tim Tebow leave college football.
Watching him play is too much fun.
As the Gators took the field on New Year's night 2010, come along for an italicized recap of the game interspersed with a retrospective of Tebow's career.
Call it Tebowiana.
1. Do you remember when we all watched Tebow play in the MTV reality show, Two-a-Days?
He was a top recruit then, a home-schooled lefty with a rocket arm. His team lost to Alabama's Hoover High School and a few months later Tebow spurned Mike Shula to join Urban Meyer's first full recruiting class.
Imagine how much the world of college football changes if Tebow picks Shula and Alabama. Is Shula still at Alabama?
Forget two national titles, has Urban Meyer won a single national title at Florida?
The fine fault line between success and failure is exposed in that decision, the moment when Tebow first became a star.
Recall the Two-a-Days television conversation.
"Is he good?" a Hoover cheerleader asked.
"Yeah," the Hoover player said, "he's real good."
Kickoff arrives in New Orleans.
One play after Jeff Demps is carried off the field -- Cincinnati fans in front of me are chanting, "See you later, alligator" --Tebow hits Aaron Hernandez with the 19th touchdown pass of the season, and the 86th of this career.
Tebow is 7-for-7 on the first Gator drive.
2. Tebow and Verne Lundquist first became an item on a September night in Knoxville. A then-freshman Tebow came in for a fourth down conversion against the Vols.
The Gators trailed 20-14 in the fourth quarter. Tebow lined up under center.
I was watching from a sports bar in Auburn, Ala., having just watched Auburn beat LSU 7-3.
"Are they really running him out of the shotgun?" my friend asked.
Yep, they were.
Tebow converted and celebrated on the field.
The Gators won 21-20.
Lose this game and not only do the Gators not play Ohio State for a national title, but they don't even win the SEC East.
On the second drive, Tebow uncorks an NFL-caliber pass down the seam. It's one of three more completions that Tebow has to begin 10-for-10 and give the Gators a 9-0 lead.
3. Then, later that freshman season, came the jump pass against LSU.
I was in Athens, Ga., getting ready for the night game between Georgia and Tennessee. The only thing that united Bulldog and Vol fans was rooting against SEC East foe Florida.
As Tebow threw his jump pass for a touchdown, the tailgate reaction was stunned silence.
Eventually, a Bulldog fan grabbed my arm. "Before he is done at Florida," said the Dawg, "Tim Tebow is going to be more hated in college football than Shane Battier."
But that never happened.
In fact, it never came close to happening.
Of course I also wrote then, "Urban Meyer has forbidden Tim Tebow from ever flexing both his biceps at the same time. The last time Tebow flexed, every coeds' top at the University of Florida miraculously rose at the exact same time. This caused two plane crashes, 96 fender benders and all classes were canceled at the university."
What I should have written was this, "When Tebow flexed, every coeds' top at the University of Florida miraculously rose at the exact same time ... and Tebow covered his eyes."
On the third drive, Tebow runs his streak of complete passes to 12, converts a fourth down on a shotgun draw, and tosses a perfect touchdown pass to Deonte Thompson. He's now 14-of-15 for 168 yards and two touchdowns.
4. Tebow converts on fourth down at The Swamp during Florida's 17-16 victory over South Carolina, and then heads out to The Swamp, the restaurant on University Avenue in Gainesville, for a postgame meal.
People forget once more what might have been. Lose that game against the Gamecocks and Meyer is 0-2 against Steve Spurrier.
Uneasy would lie the headset on the coaching crown.
Instead Tebow carries the Gators to victory.
That night, Tebow goes out for a post-midnight meal. Word spreads that Tebow is in The Swamp Restaurant and gives me the first indication of what it would have been like to see Elvis in his prime.
Tebow is in the building!
There's a rush to the second floor where an 19-year-old is having a meal. Or trying to have a meal. He's swarmed.
Just three months after turning 19, Tebow, wearing an oversized white shirt and jeans, is already a star.
Still more, Tebow leads the Gators to a fourth consecutive scoring drive and with seven minutes remaining the Gators are up 23-0.
Tebow's eye black? Ephesians 2:8-10
8For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
It didn't matter that the picture was fake, it was everywhere.
Barry Bonds once said: If 70,000 people are willing to boo you, you must be good. Now it's time for the Tebow addendum, "If every Southern football fan has seen you photoshopped in jean shorts, you must be pretty good too."
On their fifth possession of the half Tebow hits Riley Cooper for an 80-yard touchdown. Did you know that they are roommates? I'm told that Thom Brennanman shared the most overtold stat immediately on the Fox broadcast.
Somewhere Verne Lundquist chortled.
6. The next year, in early September, Tim Tebow was stopped by Ole Miss on a fourth down sneak and the Rebels stunned the Gators 31-30.
Lots of attention has come from the "promise speech" that Tebow made after the loss. That's always been secondary to me. Because I was more interested in the response across the SEC.
No one could believe that Tebow had been stopped on fourth-and-short.
What's more, the failure offered a more interesting narrative, a player challenged as opposed to a player who was always dominant. In responding to defeat, Tebow became more interesting than he ever was in victory.
Tebow goes over 300 yards passing, 320 to be exact, with three touchdowns and 28 yards rushing tossed in for good measure.
At the half.
If Florida leaves him in for the entire game, he'll pass for 500 yards.
7. The circumcision of Filipino boys is something only Tebow could pull off.
Yeah, it's absurd and funny. And something that you and I wouldn't do.
No matter what.
Because even if it's beneficial to someone, you and I aren't touching Filipino foreskin because we would get killed for it by friends.
Question: "Where'd Clay go on his vacation this year?"
Answer: "Oh, you know, he went and circumcised Filipino boys again."
Result: For the rest of my life I hear about this after any friend has more than a beer.
He makes circumcising Filipino boys cool.
Okay, maybe even Tebow can't pull that off.
At the half Cincinnati has 55 total yards on 28 plays. Tebow has 348 total yards on just 31 plays.
Also at the half Ephesians 2: 8 10, what Tebow is wearing on his eyeblack, is the No. 2 search result on Google hot trends.
What's No. 1?
8. Yeah, I asked Tebow if he was saving himself for marriage.
And all his answer did was burnish the mythological and otherworldly image of Tebow. But what it also did, was provide still further evidence that Tebow was refreshingly honest, someone who was willing to live his faith and continue to propound that faith even when it might not be cool.
I'll be honest, if I'd have to choose between being an SEC quarterback on the field, or an SEC quarterback off the field, I'm picking off the field. And you'll know exactly what I've meant if you've ever spent any time on SEC campuses.
In my experience, some of the biggest hypocrites on earth are those who profess themselves religious and evangelize for their faiths.
But Tebow's different.
My mom e-mails me the Bible verses he puts on his eyeblack.
On the first drive of the second half, Tebow runs his tally up to 366 yards passing and, on fourth down, after drawing the defense tosses a pitch to Emmanuel Moody to put the Gators up 37-3 and end all talk of the Big East being in the BCS title game in the foreseeable future.
Amazingly, Cincinnati was one second being put back on the clock from playing Alabama for the national title.
9. His lack of fear in returning when only a perfect 14-0 season and a championship could sate Gator fans.
Think about this for a moment, the Gators went 12-0 in the regular season and lost a single game, the SEC title. Tebow had a chance to become the greatest college football player ever, but he'd set the bar so high for himself that anything less than absolute perfection disappointed us.
And because he didn't achieve perfection, we devalued him.
Think about this for a moment, if Tebow leaves early, is drafted somewhere and heads to the NFL, do we rank him higher as an all-time player?
I think so.
Because Tebow occupies such a high perch in our estimation that we would have given him a perfect season and a national title by default.
We really would have.
And, by the way, if you don't favor a playoff then you're a damn fool. Having Tebow end his career in the Sugar Bowl, a game that is virtually meaningless, against an awfully matched team is a complete anti-climax. It doesn't do justice to Tebow's career.
Tebow is now 28-of-31 for 435 yards passing. As if that weren't enough, he scores on a four-yard run to make his tally 471 total yards rushing and passing. That 471 yards is the most by any player in BCS history.
Prior record holder, Vince Young put up 467 against USC in the title game.
What's most amazing about Tebow's yardage?
There's still 2:40 left in the third quarter.
10. Crying at the end of the Alabama game in the SEC Championship.
If any other player on a team cried after a loss, I'd mock them to no end. I might even write an entire column about it.
But somehow this was the perfect ending for Tebow's SEC career.
Because Tebow cried even though Alabama fans cheered his crying. He's so honest with us, that when his team lost, he didn't even think about the joby he might be providing to Alabama fans via crying. Nope, he just reacted as he saw fit.
And Tebow wept.
On the final complete drive of his college career, Tebow runs his total yardage stats into the stratosphere: 31-of-35 passing for 482 yards and 14 rushes for 51 yards. Add it all up and that's 533 total yards in a BCS game, a record that might stand for decades.
With 3:13 remaining in the game, Tim Tebow leaves the field for the final time of his football career. The crowd, mostly Gator fans, chants,"Thank you, Tebow," Tebow raises his hands in acknowledgment, and one of the greatest careers in college fooball history is over.
But not quite yet, as the witching hour comes to New Orleans, Tim Tebow doesn't want to leave the field just yet. He sprints to midfield, in front of the few fans remaining, and runs a semi-circle around the Superdome field, slapping hands with Gator fans.
Until, at long last, Tim Tebow leaves the building.
"It was better than a dream," Tebow says later.
For four years, Tim Tebow wasn't better than us, he was honest with us.
And that's why when I show up back in Nashville, I'm going to be carrying a Tim Tebow painting that spent Sugar Bowl week resting on the fence outside Jackson Square.
OK, not really.
But a Tennessee fan even thinking about it, says all you need to know about Tebow's career at Florida.
Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now and makes a great stocking stuffer. You have a stocking for Martin Luther King Day, right?