Sports' Newest Hangover: Toxic Tequila

Sports is the last bastion of American society where talent is required to be a celebrity. Oh sure, we can argue about whether a particular player is actually worthy of the attention they receive, but none of us can really dispute that they're talented. Can you say the same about any other realm of popular American life? Does anyone believe that even on his worst day as a professional that Darko Milicic was worse at basketball than, say, Lindsay Lohan is at acting? Or that Tony Mandarich was a better offensive tackle than Lady Gaga is a singer? And being the offspring of a famous sports star doesn't automatically put you in the running for status as it does in many facets of modern life, such as politics. Love him or hate him, does George W. Bush ever become president if his last name is Smith?

Certainly not.

And you know what George W. Bush could have never become no matter what his last name was? First baseman for the New York Yankees. As sports fans we wouldn't have stood for it unless his talent justified the position. Put simply, who is the Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila of American sports? Someone who exists as a sports celebrity despite no discernible talent?

There isn't one ... yet.

I'm wondering about this of late because the death of Casey Johnson, the daughter of New York Jets owner Woody, has given us an entree into what the future of sports might become, a world where connections to sports make the largest stars govern media attention as opposed to a connection to a performance on the field of play. And I shudder at the thought.

So should you.

What am I talking about? Simple, the Tila Tequilization of American sports.

As a refresher, Casey Johnson was the 30-year-old daughter of Woody Johnson, owner of the New York Jets, and Johnson & Johnson heiress. You may have heard of her before. I had, thanks to the glossy celebrity magazines that my wife leaves laying around the house. Which, full confession, I devour while working out on my family's elliptical. (Honestly, that might be the most embarrassing sentence I've ever written in a column).

These glassy magazines have mastered the art of not just selling celebrity, but of creating the stars that they cover. Look at them from one year to the next, yes, some of the celebrities recur, but there is always a new crop of talent being developed. Always a new collection of soap-opera headlines to sensationalize. Indeed, there's a real argument to be made that the reason soap operas themselves are crumbing in the ratings is because these magazines have co-opted real life and turned them into our modern-day soap operas.

And we all pay attention.

In fact, find me a person who doesn't have an opinion of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and I'll find you a damn liar. Johnson, whose Wikipedia page lists her profession as "socialite," owed her fame to her good looks, her friendship with the likes of Paris Hilton and Tila Tequila, and her connection to the NFL through her father's billions. Most hardcore football fans have probably never heard of her. But I bet their wives or girlfriends have. And for those football fans who have heard of Casey, they've perhaps thought, like I have, "Wow, whoever ends up with that hot mess is going to be amazingly lucky. They get a hot billionaire wife and a built-in route to owning an NFL team."

And she's a bisexual with an interest in a slutty reality star?

Who announces her "engagement" while wearing her underwear and lying in bed next to another underwear-clad woman?

I mean, is she for real? That's what male fantasies are made of.

Anyway, Johnson's untimely death via "natural causes" at the age of 30 is a tragedy for her family, but it's also a boon for sites like TMZ.com. And if you say you aren't paying attention to TMZ, you're probably lying. (Further confession, I have the TMZ application loaded on my iPhone and check it five times a day.)

With the advent of the Tiger scandal, TMZ has seen that a national sports figure can drive their site traffic. And TMZ has led the parade in sports stories by focusing not at all on the sport itself. Why? Because your grandmother, mother, and girlfriend, don't care about the actual sports. Nor does your casual sports fan who might watch the Super Bowl and fill out an NCAA basketball pool.

Nope.

They care about the stories surrounding athletes, the celebrity connection to sports.

Don't believe me? Let's look at recent TMZ headlines from the past several months.

The Tiger Woods story has nothing to do with golf, he just happens to be a golfer. Chris Henry's death has nothing to do with football, he just happened to play football. Gilbert Arenas pulling a gun in the Wizards' locker room doesn't have anything to do with basketball, but it's the biggest story from the NBA this season. Think about this year in college sports, LeGarrette Blount was suspended for the year -- at least initially -- not because he did something during a game that was egregious. He was suspended because he did something after the game, punched an opponent, that made America's grandmothers eventually take note on The Today Show. Even the positive stories that capture our imaginations are usually not focused on sports. Michael Oher just happens to play football in The Blind Side, it's his story off the field that made that movie a success.

In fact, for a story to transcend the sports audience and cross over into popular discourse, it almost always, by its definition, is going to be rooted in something other than sports.

Why?

Because sports games have a limited audience that is served by a ton of content providers.

But sports scandal and celebrity?

The audience is unlimited, everyone cares, and it's not a market that's mined very often.

You get the sports fan plus everyone who might be interested in the scandal.

Okay, you might be asking, why should I care about any of this?

Because TMZ is about to debut TMZSports and the way they cover sports is going to be a game-changer.

Let me explain. Right now, ESPN defines what is and is not a sports story. And while all of us take shots at ESPN, the network generally covers sports action as opposed to celebrity-related angles connected to sports. In other words, the primacy of their coverage is the games and the personalities that emerge in connection with those games.

We've all gotten used to this dynamic and ESPN owns their audience. That's you and me. Primarily male, obsessed with games and their highlights, interested in the personalities of our athletes but only if those athletes are good enough at what they do to be interesting off the field.

The game is the thing.

That's all going to change with TMZSports.

Instead of the game action as the hub of all sports coverage, the non-game action is going to become the hub of all stories. That's how we get Tila Tequila and Paris Hilton in celebrity magazines. That's how a sports meritocracy based on talent is going to all come crumbling down. TMZSports will create stars who don't already exist based on their off-field action, and turn their dramas into an off-field sports opera that has little to do with actual game results.

Why?

Because instead of sports coverage being driven by the interests of sports fans, sports coverage is going to be driven by fans of celebrity gossip. And then, lo and behold, the interest is going to be so intense that ESPN is going to be compelled to cover the non-sports story as well.

The engine that drives sports coverage just switched cars.

And the death of Casey Johnson, a woman many sports fans have never heard of, is one of the first canaries in the sports coal mine.

Tweet, tweet, tweet.

Pretty soon the Tila Tequila of sports is coming and then the Tila Tequilization of modern American society will be complete. From across the spectrum of society, you won't have to be good at anything but drawing attention to yourself.

Get ready.

The last refuge of the American meritocracy, is about to become the newest soap opera in American life. And those of us who are actually sports fans are going to suffer.

...

Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now and makes a great stocking stuffer. You have a stocking for Martin Luther King Day, right?