College Football's Real No. 1 Is SEC

As I wrote last week, there is no better way in American life to have gotten pretty wealthy in the past decade than to take the SEC team in the BCS title game. If you'd put a $1,000 on the first SEC team in the title game, Tennessee back in 1999, and kept rolling that money into the games for the next 11 years, after Alabama's 37-21 victory you'd have had $64,000. That's enough money to pay for a four year education at any in-state university in the country.

And all you had to do was pick the SEC in every title game contest.

In a game redolent of Friday Night Lights and Varsity Blues, Colt McCoy is gone from the start. Suddenly Colt McCoy/Jason Street/Lance Harbor is replaced by Garrett Gilbert/Matt Saracen/Jonathon Moxon. After a boneheaded play call from Mack Brown/Eric Taylor, the Texas team finds themselves trailing 24-6. And then, at that exact moments, comes football magic.

Only Saracen and Moxon didn't have to come back against SEC defenses. And Gilbert did. Come along as we dive in for a 26-stop trip through the BCS championship telecast.

1. Why, oh why, did the title game begin with a poetry slam alternating between stunted Brent Musburger narrations?

Is there a more awkward pairing on Earth? I mean besides Mark May and eyeglasses. The poetry slam achieved a brief moment of popularity in 1998. Since the two months when poetry slams were cool, they've been ridiculed and lampooned by anyone with a pulse.

Evidently ABC producers never got that memo.

Or Maya Angelou is in charge of the telecast. Which completely explains the second quarter caged bird angle.

2. Back to Mark May's eyeglasses that were so darkly tinted it appeared he was broadcasting from the surface of the sun.

All season long, ESPN's in-studio show producers have to have grimaced over Lou Holtz's obscene orange tan. Then, mercifully, just in time for the championship game Holtz loses his tan. The producers had to be giving each other fist pounds all week long out in Pasadena.

Until May showed up with these glasses.

I'll ask this question, is there no one on the staff to tell him how much of an idiot he looks like? Can he not see it on the television monitor himself?

Wouldn't you?

And if you didn't, wouldn't your wife blow up your phone with text messages telling you how much of an idiot you looked like?

I'll leave you with this, unless May suffers from some sort of light sensitivity we're wholly unaware of, it's clear he has no actual friends on that studio show, because if he did, he wouldn't have been wearing those glasses.

3. Texas should be in the SEC.

There are three schools that I think fit the culture of the SEC pretty well without being in the conference. Texas, Clemson, and Florida State.

But Texas would be my pick.

And not just because of the chaps their dance team girls wear.

For the record my biggest gripe on this telecast was that those girls were only featured once.

4. An ABC/ESPN graphic credits Alabama with only seven national championships.

This is roughly 248 less than the Crimson Tide claim.

It's clear ESPN bias at work.

No doubt.

Although, as they say in Alabama, you can't spell bias without the u.

5. Nick Saban calls the fake punt from his own 24 on the first possession of the game.

This is very un-Sabanesque.

Texas picks off the pass and appears to be in business for an early score.

Only, in a devastating few plays Texas loses McCoy to an injury, has a touchdown called back for an illegal procedure, and settles for a field goal.

6. Colt McCoy's injury effectively changes the complete structure of the game.

Immediately I receive a text message from a friend, "The Big 12 should be ashamed. That hit takes out their best quarterback?"

Later someone will ask me whether Tim Tebow leaves a game with that injury.

The answer is no.

But there's no doubt the game changes.

How much?

Alabama only attempts 11 passes for the entire game, completing just six.

7. Remember four years ago when Matthew McConaughey made a spectacle of himself running around on the sideline in that ridiculous brown leather jacket?

He's clearly a huge Longhorns fan, right?

So I contacted his publicist three weeks beforehand to see if he wanted to talk about the game.

And his publicist e-mailed back and said, "He's not doing interviews about the game."

How many people could have possibly asked him about the game that he needed to instruct his publicist of this three weeks before the game? McConaughey doesn't even make movie decisions three weeks before they start filming.

This explains Sahara and Two For the Money.

8. Bama doesn't field a short kick and this leads to another Longhorn field goal.

This represents the black death of Alabama football beginnings. A team that has only had 10 turnovers all season has set up their opponent on two consecutive possessions.

What's more, the failure to field the short kick is a glaring error because Texas began the game by kicking off short.

Yet Alabama's defense holds and the Tide only trails 6-0.

9. Texas' back-up quarterback is someone named Garrett Gilbert.

I've never heard of him, and neither have you. I'm picturing Musburger slamming down a notepad during the first commercial break, "Figure out who his roommate is pronto, dammit, now, now! I need anecdotes."

In fact, and I honestly wonder this, what are the odds that Vince Young, who is standing on the sideline at the game, knew this guy's first and last name before the game started?

Also, would it really surprise you if the camera turned to Young on the sideline and he wasn't wearing a shirt? If so, we'd get to see one of the greatest tattoos in the history of sports, Vince Young has, and this is completely true, his name tattooed on his back "V. Young" exactly how it looks on his jersey.

That's pure genius. And insanity.

The Vincent Van Gogh self-portrait of athlete tattoos.

10. Mark Ingram scores a touchdown and his mom finally gets attention in the crowd.

In the past month, the Governor of Alabama signed a bill proclaiming it Mark Ingram day. Ingram, a native of Flint, Mich., has been in the state for about 18 months.

It took the state of Alabama several years after the federal government first celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. day to celebrate it itself.

Guess King should have played running back for the Tide.

11. Trent Richardson scores from 49 yards out to give Bama the 14-6 lead.

Richardson, it's worth noting, is a better running back than Mark Ingram, one of several backs in the country who would have won the Heisman if they'd been the starter for the Crimson Tide this season.

In fact, let's be fair, Ingram is the Gino Torretta of running backs, a person who won the award solely because of the team he played for.

12. On the other side of the ball, in the first half Tre' Newton is Texas's best offensive weapon.

He's former Cowboys' star Nate Newton's son. Ten years ago, if you wanted to give a Texas fan nightmares you would have said this, "You're going to be in the national championship game, but your entire offense is going to be predicated on getting a 355-pound offensive lineman's son into open space."

13. With seven minutes left in the first half and Alabama leading 14-6, immediately after the Javier Arenas interception, Brent Musburger calls the game. "Gilbert has no chance against this Saban defense," he says.

Does this remind anyone else of Billy Packer calling the North Carolina-Kansas basketball game a few years back with seven minutes also left in the half? At the time Kansas led 38-12.

That was the play call that led, in part, to Packer's removal from the Final Four.

I'm not saying Musburger's call was unjustified, just that it's pretty similar. And in a much closer game.

14. Mack Brown proves that he's an idiot by calling the shovel pass after taking a timeout with 15 seconds left in the first half.

I ripped Mack Brown after the way the Nebraska game ended and said his success was entirely the result of dumb luck.

Some Texas fans took offense. Others agreed.

Most Texas fans who were being honest weren't that excited about Brown matching wits with Saban.

But this call defies comprehension and effectively ended the game.

Let's think about how dumb this play call was.

A.) You just got a huge break when Nick Saban decided to take the easy three points and let you go in at halftime down only 17-6

B.) You get the ball to start the second half anyway

C.) You haven't completed a pass with your back-up quarterback all night

D.) Even if you complete the shovel pass, what's your reward?

You gain like 10 yards at best.

E.) Mack Brown actually said as he left the field, in an excellent question by Lisa Salters, that they were hoping to get to the 50 so they could throw it into the end zone.

Are you kidding me?

So if everything goes perfect on that play, you get the right to throw a Hail Mary into the end zone?

And he gets paid $5 million a year to analyze risk/reward on the sideline?

Mack Brown makes awful decisions in the heat of the moment.

Period.

What's worse than that? He made this decision out of a timeout.

15. Having said that, let's not take anything away from Marcell Dareus' interception return.

He looked better on his 28-yard interception return than any Texas running back did all night on any of their runs.

16. Pete Carroll has to be thinking over and over again: "How come Texas's starting quarterback got knocked out this year in the Rose Bowl instead of four years ago?"

Also, am I the only person who thinks that HD television makes people's hands look enormous?

There's something about the way the television captures things, the hands seems so much closer to the camera than the rest of the body.

If you haven't noticed this yet, start now, you won't be able to avoid noticing from this point forward.

It really makes you uncomfortable.

You're welcome.

17. When the quasi-streaker raced onto the field, did anyone else hope they would cut to Mack Brown?

I was convinced he'd be executing the Mack clap for the fellow.

"Good streakin', boy. Really good."

18. Just as the second half threatened to become a prolonged replay of the 1936 Rose Bowl, Jordan Shipley snagged a touchdown from 44 yards out to makes it 24-13.

Shortly thereafter, Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit proved that a white receiver can only be compared to another white receiver.

Both men said he would be another Wes Welker.

Really?

Or are both of you just being lazy and using race as a proxy for what kind of player a guy can be?

Welker is 5-foot-9 and weighs 185 pounds. Shipley is 6 feet and 195.

So Shipley is quite a bit bigger and has been infinitely more productive as a college receiver.

My point?

Even in 2010, making cross-racial comparisons is still like the Maginot Line for sportscasters; it's impossible to get them to cross over.

19. Here, Mack Brown makes a bold call, going for the onside kick.

And the onside kick slams into Alabama's front line at a speed roughly approaching the sound barrier.

Leaving me with this question, do you think the onside kick was intended to ricochet off the Alabama player?

If so, how amazing is that aim?

And how much does it suck to be the fat guy on the first line of defense who gets blamed for being hit by Nick Saban?

Saban: "Why didn't you expect that for the first time in the history of college football somebody might try and kick the ball off your fat ass!"

Bama player: Whimpers.

20. Vince Young and Colt McCoy are talking on the sideline.

Vince: I went for 467 yards and became a legend in this game.

Colt: My shoulder's sore.

21. Did Nick Saban reach a bit with the 52-yard field goal attempt?

I think so.

That was the first time where you got the feeling Saban looked up at the scoreboard and said, "Damn, this game is still in the third quarter?"

The miss gives Texas excellent field position.

22. At this point, the camera catches Mack Brown on the sideline struggling to untie his shoelace.

Has there ever been a better metaphor for a sideline coach?

In the heat of the battle, Brown can't even manage his own shoes.

23. Jordan Shipley, who is a white receiver and therefore must be compared to other white wide receivers lest the universe implode, looks just like Joe Jurevicius when he gets off the line, makes a double move, and snags a touchdown pass to suddenly make this a game.

After the two point conversion, it's 24-21 and all over the state of Alabama people are blaming the weatherman for this.

And, just like you, I'd give anything to know what Saban was truly thinking. Personally, I'm convinced he was formulating ways to blame Alabama fans for not cheering loudly enough.

24. I'll tell you what I was thinking: Is Saban getting Matt Mauck'd?

Back in the 2001 SEC championship game, Rohan Davey was knocked out of the game early and replaced by the unheralded Matt Mauck. A much more talented Tennessee team managed to lose to Saban and LSU despite having a double-digit lead at the time of Davey's injury.

After the Tide punted, it was looking possible.

That 24-6 lead had dwindled and the Texas crowd, quiet for much of the night, was roaring.

25. But then Herbstreit praised the Texas offensive line mere moments before Alabama decked Gilbert and caused a fumble which the Longhorns recovered at the Texas 3.

Mark Ingram scored three plays later and the game was over. Of course it was officially over when the Alabama football players gave Nick Saban a grade 3 concussion via Gatorade bath.

26. Later Bama added another touchdown to make it 37-21.

Saban's four million bucks a year has never seemed cheaper.

And as the clock ticks down the SEC remains undefeated, 6-0 in BCS title games. As if that wasn't enough, the league has now won four consecutive titles with three different teams.

Toss in Tennessee and fully one-third of the SEC teams have won titles in the 11-year BCS era. Then feel free to toss in an undefeated Auburn, who was robbed in 2004, and Georgia, who would have also beaten Ohio State in 2007 if LSU hadn't been selected, and half of all SEC teams have put themselves into position to win national titles in the past 11 years.

Half.

That's amazing.

And yet another sign, if you needed any, that the SEC owns college football like no conference has ever owned college football in the modern era.

Next year will another team unseat the league from the champion's throne?

Maybe.

But I wouldn't bet on it.

Because it's Manife-SEC-t Destiny.

Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now and makes a great stocking stuffer. You have a stocking for Martin Luther King Day, right?