As Championship Day Dawns, Alabamans in Nasty Weather Squabble

For those of you who are not aware, winter has arrived in the South. We're all freezing, and when Southerners get cold we lose our manners. Whenever it snows in the South it's like the apocalypse mixed with the rapture. Only this year, it's serious in the state of Alabama, because the winter weather is arriving on the same day as the BCS title game. And if you're in Alabama and have an IQ so low you probably aren't allowed to be executed per Supreme Court rulings, you're concerned that your ABC affiliate might interrupt some parts of the game to report on the frozen precipitation. Meaning, you guessed it, the weatherman at ABC in Birmingham, James Spann, is now getting hate mail from Alabama fans who are afraid he might cut into the game to report on the weather.

Spann took to his station's Web site to refute claims that he would pull irate Crimson clad faithful from their 1964 La-Z-Boys. "There will be no maps, crawls, or cut-ins during the game. All our coverage will be handled via our digital channels and the web. Hold the hate mail, please, and save your energy for something more constructive."

As one who occasionally receives death threats from grammatically challenged Alabama fans, I'm sympathetic.

After all, why would the weatherman even be getting hate mail several days in advance of the title game? Spann blames Alabama's own P.T. Barnum, sports radio host Paul Finebaum for beginning the onslaught by calling him a "fraud."



While Finebaum is far from a shrinking violet, Spann himself is not without controversy. In 2007, he disputed the existence of global warming and called it "a big cash grab."

Now, Spann is fighting back at the allegations that he's a fraud.

"I don't know why [Finebaum] gets so worked up over weather coverage on a sports show, but that is his business. I didn't hear his program today, but I understand I was called a "fraud" and a "liar." The best way to determine one's character is to ask those around them; I welcome Paul to come along on school visits, ministry trips, or spend some time here at work. That way he can ask those around me if they agree with his assessment. And, I challenge Paul to take the CBM exam and see how he scores. Now that would be fun. I hope Paul has a safe trip back and maybe we can talk about it later this year. He clearly doesn't understand who I am or what I do."

That's a stirring conclusion. Although I'm going to have to side with Finebaum on this one. The job title of "weatherman" doesn't leave a lot to the imagination when it comes to understanding what Spann does.

Spann went on to tell the Birmingham News that this weather disruption didn't warrant extreme attention. "This is not the type of storm that would warrant long-form weather coverage. ... A tornado outbreak would be a real problem."

If there is any justice in the world, internet geniuses will tap into Spann's computer terminal and make him believe tornadoes are storming across the great state of Alabama just as the fourth quarter of the game begins.

Spann can probably ignore the tornadoes though. After all, no one lives in trailers in Alabama anyway, they'll all be fine.


Clay Travis is the author of three books. His latest, "On Rocky Top: A Front Row Seat to The End of an Era" chronicles the 2008 Tennessee football season and is on sale now and makes a great stocking stuffer. You have a stocking for Martin Luther King Day, right?