In terms of pitchers who have been great since I was eight years old, Randy Johnson is one of the very best. His accomplishments speak for themselves, and the announcement of his retirement on Tuesday puts a life lived for baseball into perspective. There may never be another pitcher like The Big Unit, unless there is some mirror universe where Ben McDonald grew a mustache and stopped being horrible and disappointing for five seconds.

Who would vote against Randy Johnson for the Hall of Fame? I don't know, but somebody will. Today's Dugout presupposes, why?

The Dugout

	BigJohnson: man, retirement is great. I can finally devote more time to my true love, lipping wads of leaves from tall trees
	BigJohnson: so hey, what do you think about the Hall of Fame inductions? You happy Andre Dawson finally made it?
	TimTheEnchanter: pssh, keep up with me Randy, I tweeted about that yesterday afternoon, this is old news
	BigJohnson: oh, sorry /brings up Altavista search engine, searches "tweet"
	TimTheEnchanter: besides, I have no idea who that is
	BigJohnson: you're kidding! Andre Dawson! Won the MVP in 1987! We called him "The Hawk," like the guy from the Road Warriors!
	TimTheEnchanter: I have no idea who those people are
	BigJohnson: hawk, like the species of woodland bird
	TimTheEnchanter: I don't know what that is /awkwardly keeps in touch with family via touch screen online scrabble iPhone game
	BigJohnson: So uh... not to toot my own horn or anything, but what do you think about me? You think I'll get into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot? /adjusts jersey
	TimTheEnchanter: mmmmmmm ehhhhhhhhh I don't know man
	BigJohnson: seriously? I've done everything there is to do in baseball! I won the World Series! I have a THE SPORTING NEWS award!
	TimTheEnchanter: you don't understand how the modern world works, this is why you turned into Ape from the movie APE when they tried to interview you in New York
	TimTheEnchanter: it's not about what you did playing baseball, it's what random people think about what you do and don't deserve
	BigJohnson: what do you mean?
	TimTheEnchanter: okay, you know how you went to the All-Star game a lot
	BigJohnson: ten times
	TimTheEnchanter: yeah, but for teams that barely exist. The "Mariners," what is that and it says on your wiki that you played for a team called the Expos? That isn't even real
	BigJohnson: I pitched a perfect game!
	TimTheEnchanter: yeah but do you remember the time you killed a bird with a fastball
	BigJohnson: yeah?
	TimTheEnchanter: that's not going to sit well with animal rights activists, who believe that the bird should've been allowed an uniterrupted flight path and by killing it hilariously you impeded upon its civil rights
	TimTheEnchanter: that pushes you back to maybe second ballot
	BigJohnson: aw man
	TimTheEnchanter: do you remember when you appeared in the movie "Little Big League," starring Luke Edwards
	BigJohnson: the kid who played Lonnie on Roseanne, yeah I remember that, that was fun
	TimTheEnchanter: that is going to alienate supporters of "Rookie of the Year," the Deep Impact to Little Big League's Armageddon, and that's going to hurt your approval percentage
	TimTheEnchanter: also I don't know if you knew, but it turns out that I am actually Luke Edwards from that movie as a grown up
	BigJohnson: oh hey man what's up, how have you been
	TimTheEnchanter: pretty good
	BigJohnson: I was on The Simpsons once, that'll appeal to voters, won't it?
	TimTheEnchanter: old simpsons or current simpsons
	BigJohnson: current Simpsons
	TimTheEnchanter: nope, fifth ballot
	BigJohnson: d'ohhhhh
	TimTheEnchanter: that's not all, remember when you appeared in a commercial for Right Guard and threw dodgeballs at a man representing "odor"
	TimTheEnchanter: more than anything, that lack of civilization was a black eye for baseball
	BigJohnson: that wasn't so bad! It was Kyle, from The Real World Chicago!
	TimTheEnchanter: yeah well maybe if it'd been Tonya from the real world chicago we could've put you in
	BigJohnson: damn, what's a guy got to do to get into the Hall of Fame these days
	Online Host GoldBonds has entered the chatroom.
	GoldBonds: sorry barry bonds is late for giants chatroom, these hoverounds only move so swiftly
	BigJohnson: ha, well I can rest easy knowing I've got a better chance than THAT guy
	TimTheEnchanter: what are you, mentally joking
	TimTheEnchanter: barry bonds hit like 800 home runs, he could kill a man in cold blood on bud selig's doorstep and they would let him in the hall of fame
	GoldBonds: first ballot bitches
	BigJohnson: oh come on, how is that fair at all
	GoldBonds: kiss my asterisk
	GoldBonds: lol do you see what barry bonds did there
	TimTheEnchanter: no