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MELBOURNE, Australia -- Seventy million dollars doesn't buy what it used to. Maria Sharapova, in an embarrassing-looking green dress/thing, played embarrassing tennis by making 72 embarrassing unforced errors.Seventy-two.
And just five days after signing the richest endorsement contract ever for a female athlete, Sharapova lost in the first round of the Australian Open Monday, falling 7-6 (7-4), 3-6, 6-4 to Maria Kirilenko.
"I could be disappointed, or I could just take it as it is and just go back on the court and keep working,'' Sharapova said. "I choose option two.''
Let's get right to it: What is Sharapova, anyway? Because she didn't get an eight-year, $70 million deal from Nike based on the way she's playing. At this point, she isn't a threat to top players.
Her role is to be Anna Kournikova, only with results. She is a tough Barbie doll who wins Wimbledon. So that's the balancing act, and it's worth $70 million.
But if she's going to dress up in a girl scout uniform from the 1970s with lingerie over the top, or mosquito netting, or whatever that was, and then go out and be afraid to hit a second serve, well, that's just embarrassing.
To her. To women in general.
"I don't think that was the reason I lost the match today,'' she said.
"I served big when I had to. I served big second serves.''
Eleven double faults. That's what she had. She had 42 second serves, and missed 11 of them.
She is fully recovered from the shoulder surgery she had in 2008. She's in shape and rested. She has been back long enough to have shaken the rust. And she just lost in the first round of a major for the first time since she was 16.
There is no excuse for this.
I was thrilled when Sharapova came back last year. She fights to death and doesn't choke, the way so many of the other women on tour do. The game needs Maria Sharapova.
That said, women's tennis walks a tightrope right along with her, between whether it's selling sport or sex appeal. It's fine to sell both, with the message being that women can be strong, fit, athletic and attractive all in one.
But it's important that the only women's sport accepted into the mainstream doesn't drop the "sport'' side of the equation. You can't be legitimate, and base your appeal entirely on guys just wanting to watch beautiful, tan blondes in short skirts, sweating.
It was part of Tiger Woods' and Michael Jordan's marketing appeal, too.
But they wouldn't have sold without athletic success. And Sharapova is supposed to be more than just looks, yet she has gotten past the third round of a major just twice in the past two years.
She makes statements not only with her grit, but also her outfits. They work together, and it's as if she plays the match on the red carpet.
So it's particularly embarrassing when she dresses up in such a goofy outfit, and then stinks up the place.
Let's draw a parallel to boxers. Sharapova's clothes are a boxer's pre-fight talking. So a boxer talks big, talks about pain and second-round knockouts, stuff like that, and then goes out and gets pummeled.
Here's some more truth about Sharapova. Serena Williams fans can't stand her. There is something galling to them that Sharapova gets more worldwide attention, more endorsements.
She is the white ideal, tall, blonde and thin. And that's in contrast to Williams.
Yes, that's oversimplifying it. But Sharapova has won three majors, and the more money she gets, the more she needs to win.
She has never been fast, never been good at the net. She wins by blasting with big power from the baseline, and doing it over and over.
After the surgery, she changed to an abbreviated serving motion, hoping to take the pressure off her shoulder. The motion is a fad now, and also a fraud. And after Sharapova double-faulted her way out the U.S. Open in a loss to Melanie Oudin, she went back to the more traditional motion.
Now she can't figure that one out, either. Her shoulder injury has traveled up to her head.
It's not easy to get your intimidation back, but she has time. She's just 22.
"You know, just a bad day,'' she said. "A bad day's not going to stop me from doing what I love. I'm still going to go back on the court and work hard and perform.
"I'll be back here on a Saturday of the second week, so you'll watch.''
Yes, people will watch. That's for sure.
Email me at gregcouch09@aol.com.
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