According to reliable sources (a female politician), former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling is a fan of the New York Yankees. I have no other choice but to believe her. We already know he isn't a fan of the Orioles, Astros, Phillies, or Diamondbacks.

True or not (it is not, this entire thing is supposed to be facetious... Yankees fans have not read this far and will comment about it anyway), these are serious allegations to force upon one of baseball's most magical players. This guy has a dirty sock in the Hall of Fame, for God's sakes. But operating under the idea that it is true (again, she is an idiot, and it is not), we have to ask ourselves, "why?"

Today's Dugout chronicles a day in the life of Curt Schilling, the biggest New York Yankees fan in the whole world.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the New York Yankees Fandom Chatroom!
	CowboyCurtS: man... I really love the New York Yankees, but I'm not an actual member of the team. How am I supposed to spend my time?
	CowboyCurtS: wait, I know
	CowboyCurtS: /logs onto MLB Fanhouse, types "New York Yankees" into search bar
	CowboyCurtS: /skims list of articles /skips every positive article, because he already knows that the Yankees are the best thing since Sliced Christ
	CowboyCurtS: wait a minute, what do we have here... /finds article that mentions a Yankees player in a negative light, does not bother reading the rest to establish context
	CowboyCurtS: you sanctimonious son of a bitch, these celebrities are my friends and I would DIE FOR THEM /begins typing angrily in comments section, ignoring 10,000 word article
	CowboyCurtS: /typing you... sanc ti mo ni ous... son ... of ... a ... bithc backspace backspace ... bitch, period. /sends
	CowboyCurtS: there, now that guy will surely be fired and have to get a REAL job, heh heh. So, what do I do with the REST of my day?
	CowboyCurtS: /masturbates to Fathead of Paul O'Neill
	Online Host Later that day...
	CowboyCurtS: yeah hi, I'd like to buy these chips
	StoreClerk: okay, the price for these chips is one dollar and seventy-nine cents
	CowboyCurtS: it's not in my contract to pay for these chips, I just want to take them and have them and not give you any money
	StoreClerk: uh, well you have to give me money for these chips if you want them
	CowboyCurtS: ughhh hold on /disappears into back of store
	CowboyCurtS: /emerges moments later, limping /places jam-soaked leg on counter
	StoreClerk: oh my god, what happened to your leg
	CowboyCurtS: I was badly injured on my way to the store... can you believe how brave I am to still be buying these chips in the condition I am in
	StoreClerk: go ahead, take the chips for free, you are a national hero
	CowboyCurtS: thanks /leaves store
	CowboyCurtS: /eats five chips, throws the rest of the bag on the ground
	Online Host Later that day...
	CowboyCurtS: so what else do you know about me
	CoakHead: Curt Schilling thinks that Samuel Adams beer tastes like an ice cold diarrhea milkshake.
	CowboyCurtS: that's true
	CoakHead: He is such a hillbilly Republican I bet he wishes he could've dumped a shipload of sugar into the Boston Harbor and then drank it out of a mason jar
	CoakHead: Curt Schilling thinks that Paul Revere was a tattletale!
	CowboyCurtS: don't mind me, I'm just blogging, keep talking
	CoakHead: Curt Schilling once told me that Larry Bird was gay because of his mustache and the length of his shorts, and that he much prefered Magic Johnson and the Lakers
	CoakHead: He thinks that the Patriots lost Super Bowl XLII because of something THEY did wrong!
	CowboyCurtS: ohhhh hahahah that's a good one
	CoakHead: Curt Schilling openly hates the Irish people and thinks they "get what they deserve." He thinks Sheamus was too green to win the WWE championship and hates the films of Ed Burns!
	CowboyCurtS: well honestly those last two things sounded pretty reasonable, do you think you could make it a little crazier
	CoakHead: He thinks that "Boyzone" and "Westlife" are two of the worst musical acts of all time?
	CowboyCurtS: nnnnno, still not wrong
	CoakHead: once pissed on the grave of James Joyce and called Steve Allen a spudf**ker to his face
	CowboyCurtS: hahaha bloggggg
	Online Host Later that day...
	CowboyCurtS: so I hear you got engaged, is that true?
	JetersNeverProsper: Yep, it's true!
	CowboyCurtS: /tries to hang himself