I swear I don't have a Google Alert or anything, but it turns out that free agent slugger and The Dugout favorite Jim Thome could be picked up by the Minnesota Twins, putting him back in the American League and AL Central where he belongs. Thome made his home in Cleveland from 1991-2002 and in Chicago from 2006-2009 before spending the end of last season as a big fat Juan Pierre in Los Angeles. Thome only needs 36 home runs to reach the 600 home run milestone, and if he has to inadvertently bench a couple of outfielders and strike out 400 times to do it, so be it. Good to (hopefully) have you back, Jim. Today's Dugout is be
below.
The Dugout
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WordUpThome: SO WHAT IS THE MASCOT SITUATION LIKE IN MINNESOTA |
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WordUpThome: BECAUSE IN LOS ANGELES THE ONLY THING WE HAD WAS KIM KARDASHIAN AND I'M NOT COMFORTABLE HAVING A MASCOT WITH A TUCKUS BIGGER THAN THE PHILLIE PHANATICS |
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RonGarde: it's actually pretty good, we've got T.C. Bear |
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TCBWhy: /waves, covers face with hands |
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WordUpThome: WHAT DOES HE DO |
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RonGarde: What DOESN'T he do? T.C. Bear makes your charitable event fun! |
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WordUpThome: O RLY T.C. BEAR, MAKE THE SITUATION IN HAITI FUN FOR ME |
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TCBWhy: .... |
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WordUpThome: COME ON DO IT FOR ME, GO AHEAD AND HAVE THIS HAPPEN |
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TCBWhy: /considers pantomiming Jeff Buckley version of "Hallelujah" |
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WordUpThome: /glares |
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WordUpThome: I DON'T KNOW RON IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE TCB IS REALLY "TAKIN BEAR OF BUSINESS" |
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WordUpThome: WILL I BE REQUIRED TO PLAY INSIDE OF THE TRASH BAGS OR SIMPLY AMONGST THEM |
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RonGarde: you won't have to do that at all, next season is the debut of our new outdoor stadium, Target Field. It cost us $390 mililon! |
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WordUpThome: WHY SO MUCH |
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RonGarde: because it had to cost 20% more to build than Best Buy Field |
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RonGarde: now instead of looking at walls of trash bags in the outfield, you'll be looking at thousands of unbought neon-ass bed sheets |
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WordUpThome: DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE COMFORTABLE PLAYING THERE |
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RonGarde: yeah sure, after you've run them through the dryer like 1500 times |
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RonGarde: Target Field is going to be exactly like Progressive Field, except you'll have a chance to die of frostbite in the middle of July |
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WordUpThome: I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING BACK TO CLEVELAND, BUT ASSUMED I WOULD DIE FROM THIRST TRYING TO QUENCH MYSELF WITH A 2 OZ. SOUVENIR SODA |
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WordUpThome: SO WHAT IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT MINNESOTA BEING THE LAND OF LAKES, IS IT LIKE THE BUTTER |
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RonGarde: That's right. Just like butter, Minneosta can't stay solid for very long. |
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WordUpThome: IS THERE ANYONE ON THE TEAM I WOULD GET A LONG WITH |
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RonGarde: Yeah, sure. Denard Span, Francisco Liriano... if you like guys with incomplete names, we have Loek Van Mil |
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WordUpThome: I SAY THAT EVERY TIME I DRIVE BY THAT MILL THAT MAKES VANS |
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WordUpThome: I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN ERASIST, BUT I HEARD A RUMOR ABOUT HOW THE ONLY WHITE PEOPLE IN MINNESOTA WERE PRINCE AND KENT HRBEK |
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RonGarde: Don't worry, our team is very diverse. Last time I checked, we had eight different breeds of white guy. |
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RonGarde: And a Young brother! |
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DudeYerGettinADelmon: /whips bat at moose |
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WordUpThome: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO DETROIT. I HEAR THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY IN DETROIT THESE DAYS |
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RonGarde: I just assumed you'd love the stuffed manbear, I didn't even think that you'd need- |
| **Online Host** NietoMosquito has entered the chatroom. |
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NietoMosquito: Ron! I need yer help! Spikes tried t'make wandrin' into a jet turbine FUN! Now there's t-shirt an' head pieces all over Rochester! |
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RonGarde: hold on a second Tom, I'm trying to sign a free agent here |
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WordUpThome: NO, IT'S OKAY |
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WordUpThome: HOW FARES THE WIDOW MITTSY |
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NietoMosquito: She's awful shaken up, I tried t'console her with a plate a'flapjacks, but then i recalled she weren't the same bird from McDonaldsland, an' then I dropped th' flapjacks on the |
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NietoMosquito: Wull hold on, how'd you know 'bout Mittsy? |
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WordUpThome: DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW, IS SHE EATING |
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NietoMosquito: /lowers head in shame ...off a th'floor, but yes... |
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WordUpThome: RON, SIGN ME TO A CONTRACT, THIS IS GOING TO TAKE ALL NIGHT |
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