Haterade Power Rankings: John Calipari Thinks You're a Jagoff

It's the Haterade Power Rankings. Drink up, suckers.

The response to last week's inaugural Haterade Power Rankings was, frankly, shocking. (SHOCKING, I SAY!) But that's mainly because everyone really seemed to enjoy them. Stupid everyone. Now we both have a weekly mess of critical angst on our hands.

Getting down to business: there's a lot of stuff to hate this week, per usual.

(Got anything you hate? Leave it in the comments or complain to management that we don't have an e-mail available because we don't like to be pestered by annoying Cowboys fans.)

Rank	Hated	Vice	Why
1	Tiger Woods Sex Rehab	Doin' it	I'm all for journalistic overkill -- hell, it's how I make my living. But, folks, IF Tiger is in rehab (and that doesn't seem like such a big if at this point), can't we just shut up about it and let him deal with his addiction to having sex with countless women from all walks of life (yep, that's a euphemism for "he'll bang anybody -- from porn star to Perkins' employee")? Sure, it seems like a silly problem, but that's only because most of us aren't capable of having it. Let him get clean and then let's discuss.
2	EXCLUSIVE!	Inexclusivity	All due respect to PR people (most of whom I think are pretty swell), but can we please, please PLEASE put an end to the practice of spamming your address book with "Exclusive Photos!" in the subject line, only to find out that these "exclusives" are actually photos from another web site? I know this because of the huge watermarks that tell me so. Other things I could do without: creating a story where there isn't one. Like, say, featuring a famous golfer's wife walking down the street and claiming that said wife is CLEARLY just leaving sex rehab. Because that's annoying at this point.
3	#FavreRulesForAll	Ignorance	Last night, the always brilliant Craig Calcaterra fired up a Twitter meme (#FavreRulesForAll ) that was hysterical. And Will Leitch took it to another level. But the amusing nature of mocking ESPN aside, the fact that someone tried to defend Favre's game-losing interception in regulation is, simply put, indefensible.
4	Pants on the Ground	Lack of Pants	We shouldn't hate General Larry Platt -- he has an awesome message running underneath his silly American Idol song that's currently sweeping the nation. In fact, if there's anyone to hate, it's Prince. Oh wait -- it's Prince's fault the Vikings are gone; the good General was trying to keep them around, and that's just unacceptable.
5	Mark Sanchez	Poise	People wonder how it's possible to dislike such a charming, handsome young man. And the truth is, if he played somewhere other than New York, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Here's the problem: Sanchez is in the NFL's biggest market and the media verbally fellates him like he's the second coming of Brett Favre. In reality, he's nothing more than JaMarcus Russell with a defense and a running game. And fewer Cosby sweaters.
6	People Who Complain About NFL Overtime	Lack of Creativity	In theory, comparing the NFL overtime to the BCS is fine if for no other reason than it's different than what 1,345,974 other sportswriters yell about every time an NFL game requires extra time. They just yak mindlessly about the fact that the NFL needs to change without any rationale for why. So, um, WHY?
7	All-White Basketball League	Racism	Much fun was had recently regarding some lunatic's decision to announce plans for an all-white basketball league. Here's the only problem: homeboy issued the press release on Martin Luther King Day. Which is kind of like pretending to put your kid in a tinfoil balloon, except actually putting him in there. And setting a course for the Sun.
8	The Pro Bowl	Excess	Did you know that this year the Pro Bowl is before the Super Bowl? Oh, you didn't. Yeah, that's probably because it doesn't matter. However, the normally meaningless game is made 100 time more irritating because apparently it's just like Little League: everybody gets to play. Pretty sure that wasn't the original intent of the "Pro" Bowl. Right, David Garrard?
9	IMG	Corruption	These clowns (image via their site as well) want to start sponsoring high school athletics. They are not a charity. They are not even a brand. They are a bunch of sports agents. You don't need me to explain why this is stupid, do you? (Oh you do? Well, that's because athletes aren't allowed to have professional representation while they negotiate their compensation with schools. Duh.)
10	Jagoffs	Crassness	As we learned Monday on SportsCenter, "jagoff" is a term that, linguistically, can be traced by to Western Pennsylvania (like most oddities, it seems). And it's kind of derogatory, frankly. But does that stop John Calipari from saying it live on ESPN, even when he's saying it to John Buccigross, another Western PA native (Moon Township, represent)? No, of course not. Guy's been skirting the rules for years. I just want to know when Hannah Storm can start dropping f-bombs.