The Cleveland Indians are one of the "winners" this off-season. I know this because 80% of sports journalism right now is people informing me who won and lost during this offseason. The remaining 20% is important information about how the Florida Marlins non-roster invitees might impact my fantasy team.

To bolster their already surging lineup, the Tribe acquired some powerful bats (not true), an ace pitcher (also not true), and the only manager from last season who did a worse job than Eric Wedge. What, are you waiting for parenthesis on that one? Today's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Table in the Middle of Local Heroes Chatroom! Online Host Wait, sorry, welcome to the Cleveland Indians 2010 War Room Chatroom!
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /nervously rolls straws wrapper into tiny balls How many days do we have before pitchers and catchers report?
	ActaFool: /leans over to another table to ask guy in Indians gear This guy says they report for us on the 22nd, which gives us six days.
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Six days. Six days. Do we have any pitchers or catchers?
	ActaFool: we got a guy named "Jeanmar" but I haven't talked to him, because I don't know if you pronounce his name like "more jeans" or like Myanmar
	ActaFool: to my knowledge we have no catchers, no
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Yeah we do, I signed Mike Redmond to a 1-year contract! That will be great for us, because the current calendar year is 2006
	ActaFool: I guess... we gotta get some pitchers and catchers like, right now if we want them to have time to write a report
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: and after that the position players have to report... ugh this is costing me so much money, do you think Bud Selig would let me play without a few positions?
	ActaFool: I thought you were already doing that
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: nothing to worry about I guess, I handed out reports to the position players already... I asked Jhonny Peralta to give me 500 words about As I Lay Dying but I'm pretty sure he can't read
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: and when I tossed him the book it went between his legs and Matt LaPorta had to read it
	ActaFool: oh hey here's our food
	Online Host The waitress has entered the chatroom.
	Waitress: mmmokay, who had the Hawaiian pizza folded up and pinned around a mushroom and swiss bison burger, smothered in coleslaw and wasabi butter?
	ActaFool: /stares
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /stares
	ActaFool: /stares
	Waitress: anybody
	ActaFool: Oh, that's me! I asked them to wad up some key lime pie and cram it in there too, did they remember to do that
	Waitress: I... can ask them? /uses forklift to serve Manny Acta's lunch And who had the... what is this, a piece of tortilla folded in half?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: uh yes, that's the Loaded Quesadilla
	Waitress: It is?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: uh, yes? No cheese, hold the chicken, extra easy on the peppers onions corn tomatoes and black beans, extra bread in place of the sour cream
	Waitress: Why would you want to eat it like this?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: well I asked our server if the ingredients listed on the menu were all included in the price of the entree, and she said they were, but I just felt more comfortable ordering it without them
	Waitress: without ingredients? I don't think they gave you your extra bread
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: okay whew, that's perfect, I ordered it and started freaking out about it as the server was walking away
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: No, that's perfect, thank you.
	Online Host The waitress has left the chatroom.
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /knocks nine dollar piece of tortilla into floor
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Man, I don't know how you can eat all that and stay so trim.
	ActaFool: everything I eat goes to the bottom half of my face, so I've got a toned body and just this f**ken baby torso from the neck up
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: I like it, it makes you look like Ozzie Guillen.
	ActaFool: so, after we're done eating, you wanna walk over to the ballpark and start doing some things to get ready for the season?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: I've been sitting right here since June of last year, I don't know what you're talking about
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: five second rule /crams entire tortilla into hairless gullet
	ActaFool: I think that was down there for longer than five seconds...
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: now that I've eaten ground-food with 4,000 Cleveland footprints on it, I'm in the correct state of consciousness to make the Indians a better team /struggles to avoid hippie freakout
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: we need to stock up for the future, so let's sign players of the future! RUBEN SIERRA! SIGN RUBEN SIERRA!
	ActaFool: How about Austin Kearns? As a guy who hasn't followed baseball seriously in a few years, I think signing Austin Kearns is a great idea
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: god what a rush
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Do you think we've got the green to bring Russell Branyan to Cleveland?
	ActaFool: I don't know, I could try offering him the rest of my ultimate sandwich
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: don't do that, you spend your entire 2010 salary on that thing
	ActaFool: whoa, you're giving me enough money to pay for the WHOLE sandwich? This is truly the life
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Ooh, why don't we try to get Kevin MIllar? OOH WHY DON'T WE TRY TO GET AUBREY HUFF
	ActaFool: oh goddd hold on... /desperately tries to shorthand on back of napkin in finger grease

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