Youthology: When Parents Turn to 'Teen Whisperers'

(March 2) -- As Will Smith once rapped: Parents just don't understand.

But 24-year-old "youthologist" and "teen whisperer" Vanessa Van Petten might.

Moms and dads tap Van Petten to help them tackle one of parenthood's dirtiest jobs -- communicating with troubled teenagers in all of their text-messaging, door-slamming, curfew-breaking glory. For $150 an hour, Van Petten and her self-trained associate youthologists make house calls, bringing a hip "peer coaching" method to families in need.

"I go into their houses and sit on their floors and go through their backpacks with them," Van Petten told AOL News. "Parents realize it's the one thing they have not tried -- reaching teens on their level."

Van Petten -- who, after getting grounded at age 17, authored a parenting book called "You're Grounded!" -- even turns to kids, of all people, for their parenting advice. The slogan at her blog, RadicalParenting.com, is "parenting from the kid's perspective" -- and she makes good on it, featuring posts by 80 writers who all happen to be under the age of 18.

Perhaps shockingly, they don't suggest new cars for every teenager or the obliteration of curfews everywhere. One of Van Petten's teen bloggers, 17-year-old Becca, said she urges parents and teenagers to talk to each other as peers.

"The discussions between teens and parents are polarized because each party is set in their way. ... Youthology can help bridge the gap between the two worlds," Becca told AOL News in an e-mail. "If kids were in a situation where their parents were more helpful and understanding and less judgmental and condescending, they'd be more apt to be open with them."

Van Petten recently raised her profile with an appearance on the Bravo reality show "The Real Housewives of Orange County." The cameras rolled as she counseled the wayward teen daughters of hands-off parents Lynne and Frank Curtin, who complained that their daughter, Alexa, 17, was disappearing for hours and failing to communicate with them.

"Alexa, you need to come home," Curtin pleaded with her MIA daughter in a cell phone call, before relinquishing the phone to Van Petten. "And here's Vanessa."

"I promise I won't make it terrible," Van Petten said. She later gave Alexa "time and space" to collect herself before discussing why she ignores her parents' attempts at discipline. (Turns out, Alexa thought they weren't spending enough quality time with her.)

In another session, Frank Curtin told his daughters Van Petten was "coming by to talk to us about maybe improving our relationships." Eye rolls abounded. In the words of 19-year-old Raquel: "I thought it was super random and super weird that my dad was like, 'This author is coming to talk to you.' "

But Van Petten broke through to Raquel, a party girl in search of inspiration.

"Vanessa definitely gave me that, like, extra push that I needed to start doing my artwork," Raquel said in a scene from "Real Housewives."

Van Petten is not a parent herself, and at 24 she is much closer in age to the adolescents she counsels than to their parents. She doesn't have a psychology degree or any other formal credentials -- just a personally designed coaching process called "parentology" that aims to "inspire" teens as they deal with "self-esteem, study skills, room organization, friends and getting along with parents."

So what exactly qualifies this 2007 Emory University graduate to dispense parenting advice?

"I actually love that question. I say, 'Let me talk to your kids,' " Van Petten said, adding that her age is an advantage in relating to teens. Unlike some of their parents, she knows what a Facebook wall is and what it means to be "de-friended" by a crush.

"I listen to the music they listen to. We go to concerts together," Van Petten said. "I know their lingo because it's my lingo, too."

But according to psychiatrist Dr. Charles Sophy, author of "Side By Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication," youthologists are quick fixes for desperate parents who don't know how else to handle their teens. He suggests parents turn to experienced mental-health professionals.

"[Youthologists] may give parents the tools to deal with today and help them survive until the next fight, but they're not qualified to get to the root of the problem," Sophy told AOL News. "It's really a Band-Aid."

Van Petten said she will turn serious cases over to psychologists or other experts, citing an example in which she learned a mother was breastfeeding her teenage son.

She dismissed the notion that parents leave their toughest work to her, or that she gives moms and dads a pass to check out of the often-difficult teen years.

"Sometimes parents just need to outsource an hour or so per week or per month," Van Petten said. "We shake things up a little bit. We are a reset button. Sometimes it's amazing the effect an outsider can have."

For Sophy, therein lies the problem.

"Parents have too many options to disengage from parenting. It's a tough thing to do, but you've got to find a way to do it," he said. "At the end of the day, kids want parents. They want to be loved and feel safe. If you disengage from your kids and make them feel abandoned, that's the biggest wound you can cause them."