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The Dugout Spring Training 2010 event continues with the NL Central's Milwaukee Brewers, famous for Robin Yount and for the Robin Yount-looking mascot with the playground slide. The Brewers recently fell victim to a premeditated attack based on the antiquated tough guy back-and-forth of golden age baseball, where everything was good and right and players played for the love of the game and discriminated against black people and cheated on their wives and gambled on baseball.Hopefully next year's Spring Training will start with Prince Fielder slowly stepping up to the plate, then charging Barry Zito for no reason and beating the crap out of him. Tonight's Dugout follows.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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TheFreshPrince: /steps up to plate with game on the line |
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MerkinMyTerritory: /throws terrible pitch, because Coach put in Merkin Valdez |
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TheFreshPrince: /destroys ball |
| **Online Host** The Brewers have won the game! |
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TheFreshPrince: WOOOO YEAH WOOOOOO /lumbers around bases going nutso |
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TheFreshPrince: /untucks shirt, unties shoes, turns hat around backwards |
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AdditionalBrewers: /gather around home plate in that way where you know they're planning to do something stupid |
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TheFreshPrince: /runs, jumps |
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AdditionalBrewers: /collapse to the ground like bowling pins, and like the fat guy is the bowling ball |
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AdditionalBrewers: YAY WOOOOO /head to the clubhouse |
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Reporter: So, Barry Zito, you're still here for some reason. What are your thoughts on what just happened? |
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BakedZito: /glares |
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BakedZito: I think that if he had thrown his helmet, flailed his arms around as he ran the bases, and jumped up and down at home plate for a while he would've been fine |
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BakedZito: however, he did a pantomime I wasn't expecting and that leaves me shaken and embarrassed |
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BakedZito: it's like me pumping my fist if i struck somebody out |
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Reporter: When was the last time that happened |
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BakedZito: /shifty eyes |
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Reporter: I'm sorry, I know everybody is supposed to leave feeling like a winner. Here is a Minute Maid |
| **Online Host** Six months later, in the Milwaukee Brewers 2010 Spring Training Chatroom! |
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TheFreshPrince: /steps up to plate with not even the goodness of his afternoon on the line |
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BakedZito: now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this 72 miles per hour fastball |
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TheFreshPrince: /is beaned by terrible fastball |
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BakedZito: HAHAHAHAHA |
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TheFreshPrince: /goes to first base without incident like grown-up |
| **Online Host** Six months later, in the Milwaukee Brewers 2010 Playoff Race Chatroom |
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TheFreshPrince: /steps up to plate with game on the line |
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NothingElseMedders: /throws terrible pitch, because we're just going to lose this division to the Dodgers again anyway |
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TheFreshPrince: /destroys ball; wins game |
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TheFreshPrince: WOOOOOOOO AWRIGHT YEAH WOOOOOO /pumps fist like Kirk Gibson |
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BakedZito: HEY WAIT THIS SHOULDN'T COUNT NOW, SOMEBODY GET OUT THERE AND STOP HIM |
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BakedZito: i mean... i don't care i can't even see what is happening from where i'm sitting |
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TheFreshPrince: /kicks off shoes, removes pants /lets manhood swing freely from fist-sized opening in front of boxers |
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AdditionalBrewers: /gather around home plate to go over script notes and timing cues |
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TheFreshPrince: /runs, jumps |
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AdditionalBrewers: /fall to the ground in unison as if having been blown up by powerful explosion |
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TheFreshPrince: /moonwalks back to third base, runs again, jumps again |
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AdditionalBrewers: /recreate what it would look like if a group of tourists simultaneously fell from the top of Corcovado mountain |
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TheFreshPrince: NOW LET'S DO THAT SCENE FROM SPIDER-MAN 2 |
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AdditionalBrewers: REARGHHHH /carry Fielder away on shoulders |
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Reporter: Mr. Zito, given what has just happened, what are your plans for retaliation? |
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BakedZito: You'll see what I have planned the next time the Giants and I win a game decisively. |
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Reporter: I don't think I'm planning to live that long. |
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BakedZito: ... just you wait and see ... |
| **Online Host** Fifty years later in the Old Folks Home Chatroom! |
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HelpfulNurse: all right Mr. Fielder, it's time for your medication. |
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TheFreshPrince: thank you nurse, I... ARGHHH /is struck by baseball |
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TheFreshPrince: seriously man |
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BakedZito: What, I didn't do anything. I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS |
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