Report: Ben Roethlisberger Hires Ray Lewis' Lawyer

Historically, March is a slow month for the Pittsburgh Steelers. They rarely pursue big-name free agents, instead choosing to build the roster through the draft. That hasn't changed. And yet the Steelers are in the news thanks to quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

Last summer, Roethlisberger was accused of rape by a Lake Tahoe hotel employee (that lawsuit is still pending), and after a weekend in Milledgeville, GA, he's now at the center of a sexual assault investigation.

Roethlisberger has been interviewed by local authorities and since returned to Pittsburgh, and no charges have been filed ... yet. Which is why, according to Pro Football Talk sources, Big Ben has retained legal counsel. But not your garden-variety celebrity attorney. Nope, Roethlisberger got Ed Garland, the guy who defended Ray Lewis during his murder trial back in 2000.

Even though no charges have been filed, there surely has been plenty of work to do for Garland and other lawyers who represent Roethlisberger. They have interviewed all of the key witnesses, and they most likely have been in close communication with authorities.

Their initial goal will be to persuade investigators that charges should not be filed. In matters of this nature, that's the best possible outcome that can be achieved.

So in case you were wondering how this could get more ridiculous, there's your answer: hire Ray-Ray's former lawyer. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Lewis showed up in court to represent Ben.

Other, less absurd options:

* Oswald Bates
* Ben Matlock
* Ricky Rietti
* Steve Young