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Former Rookie of the Year Geovany Soto and the Chicago Cubs dynasty are our next stop on the The Dugout Spring Training 2010 NL Central division tour. Soto and the Cubs are rested, in shape, and refocused on doing what they do best: making it to the first round of the playoffs, making people on the Internet predict them in some kind of farcical, hypothetical World Series against the Yankees, then lose like clockwork.This year, I'm making my World Series pick as random as possible. I'm going to put the Toronto Blue Jays in there against... let's say, the Astros. Blue Jays/Astros! Today's Dugout follows.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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ASotoFairytale: hey man, good to see you, everybody says hi, they miss you! |
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MiltonBradley: Wow, really? |
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ASotoFairytale: no |
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ASotoFairytale: How is Seattle treating you? |
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MiltonBradley: I haven't been here long enough to speak, be spoken to, play baseball, or have anyone look at or stand near me, so pretty good so far |
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MiltonBradley: but I'm pretty sure Ken Griffey Jr. is the only other black dude in this entire state |
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ASotoFairytale: I was gonna say, Washington State doesn't seem like a great place for you to live |
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MiltonBradley: what you was gonna say is racist |
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ASotoFairytale: What? Come on, this again? Already? I'm not even white |
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MiltonBradley: yeah you are, everybody from Chicago is white, and everybody white is a racist, basic logical problem |
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ASotoFairytale: I was born in San Juan Puerto Rico. and seriously, not everybody from Chicago is white. What about Lou Rawls? Walter Payton? Steve Urkel? |
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MiltonBradley: okay well I don't know about Steve Urkel but Carl Winslow was a straight up racist sucker was simple and plain |
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MiltonBradley: replacing dark ass original Harriette with that light ass new Harriette to make the white folks at CBS happy |
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MiltonBradley: motherf**k him and George Papadapolis |
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ASotoFairytale: How do you know I'm a racist? |
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MiltonBradley: what do you think about the reverend doctor martin luther king junior's birthday |
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ASotoFairytale: I think it is a holiday for an important, awesome guy who I have no personal emotional attachment to much in the same way I might not burst into tears and get all reverent on Guy Fawkes Day |
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MiltonBradley: see; racist |
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ASotoFairytale: argh |
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MiltonBradley: imma call you Carl Lewis, because you are the racist |
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ASotoFairytale: ew, no, I don't want to be Carl Lewis. Can I be Prefontaine? |
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MiltonBradley: /eyes bulge out of skull |
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ASotoFairytale: i'm kidding, i'm kidding |
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ASotoFairytale: sorry man I know I'm a racist, I'm sorry for arguing with you, I've just been under a lot of stress lately |
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ASotoFairytale: last year I gained 165 pounds over a weekend and got hurt, and my batting average dropped from "major league baseball rookie of the year" to "todd van poppel swinging for the fences in the minor leagues" |
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MiltonBradley: if you want to drop some weight real fast I've got a helpful tip for you |
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ASotoFairytale: is it snorting cocaine |
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MiltonBradley: okay I got a second helpful tip for you, it is the ABC's of baseball Always Be Creating stress for yourself |
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ASotoFairytale: What do you mean? |
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MiltonBradley: my pasty white caucasian brother I know what it is like to hit the big leagues and start getting those paychecks, you stop having any life problems, move into the mansion, start sticking it to Bridget Farquaad |
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MiltonBradley: but you need stress to accomplish something... playing a baby game for a living is not enough, you gotta pull a Billy Joel and start driving your car into sh** when it gets too good |
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ASotoFairytale: How do I do that? |
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MiltonBradley: first you gotta alienate everyone around you... it helps to imagine all coaches, employers, teammates and fans as something you hate |
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ASotoFairytale: Like you and racists! |
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MiltonBradley: or like you and young black men driving through a residential area |
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MiltonBradley: once you hate everybody, start pissing away your talents and making excuses you had one good season, so that will buy you five or six years of directionless team hopping |
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MiltonBradley: but if you get real good at it, like me, it will make you millions of dollars, you will be in the news all the time, and you will get to travel the country with your family for free |
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ASotoFairytale: hey, maybe I'll get good enough to come to Seattle! |
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MiltonBradley: oh man you'd love it here, although i'm pretty sure our mascot is black, so maybe you should shoot for anaheim |
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ASotoFairytale: thanks for your help... I'll start forcing myself into stressful situations as soon as I can find one |
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ASotoFairytale: hmmmm... where am I going to find a stressful situation? |
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: JESUS THE LORD GEOVANY WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, THE GOAT SHOWED UP AND ATE ANGEL GUZMAN'S SHOULDER |
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: TWENTY SECONDS INTO SPRING TRAINING AND WE'VE ALREADY LOST NOW YOU HAVE TO PITCH AND CATCH GOD DAMMIT |
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ASotoFairytale: /smiles |
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MiltonBradley: stop smilin at me you blue eyed devil |
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