On Tuesday, Tiger Woods announced his triumphant return to the sport he dominated for most of his 34 years on this planet. Come April 8, he'll tee it up at the Masters, a controlled environment that should minimize the heckling and allow Tiger to ease back inside the ropes.
That's the plan, anyway. Some of Woods' mistresses are trying to extend their 15 minutes indefinitely and Veronica Daniels (porn name: Joslyn James) is leading the charge. She and her publicist-lawyer Gloria Allred held a press conference immediately after Tiger's nationally televised emasculation last month.
Among the more ridiculous pronouncements to come out of that spectacle included Allred lamenting, "I just watched Tiger Woods' apology on television, and he said that many people believed in him. He also said he wanted to make amends. He did not apologize by name to my client, Veronica, and I ask, why no apology?" And then she hugged her client in what had to be the best acting performance of Daniels' career (and she was fully clothed!).
The two had previously convened the media to denounce Daniels' likeness on commemorative Tiger Woods golf balls because they promote violence. You can't make this up.
There's more, of course. Yesterday, Allred told the New York Daily News that Whatever happens in the Masters' Tournament will not change the fact that as far as Veronica is concerned, Tiger has proven himself to be the master of deception."
And the New York Post reports in Thursday's edition that Daniels is planning to release never-before-seen text messages from Tiger Woods ... on her her newly acquired web site ... at 11:00 AM ET.
Just in case you needed another reason to not do any work today.