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The Dugout: Texas Rangers Spring Training 2010

Mar 25, 2010 – 12:14 AM
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Brandon Stroud

Brandon Stroud %BloggerTitle%

The Dugout Spring Training 2010 event tackles the Texas Rangers today, and I have to start off this Dugout with a lengthy, verbose disclaimer. I've been to Arlington to see a game before. Rangers Ballpark in Arlington is a beautiful stadium full of inflatable childrens games and parts of the Globe Theater. The Rangers are a legitimate, contending ball club.

That being said, is EVERYBODY in Texas on drugs? It seems like the Rangers are a magnet for people who either used to be on drugs and are now bravely battling addiction or people with a guilty conscience who want to do drugs and then feel badly about it. According to Jose Canseco, every player in Rangers history bummed steroids off of him, including Tucker Ashford, who must have used them to fuel his car or something.

Anyway, today's Dugout follows. Winners don't do drugs!

The Dugout

Crackhead: /shuffles down Ballpark Way dragging Kroger bag full of wet underwear

ChuckingGreen: uh, excuse me /stares down at printed out Mapquest directions while approaching crackhead


Crackhead: help a homeless maaaaan
ChuckingGreen: actually I'm looking for the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, Nolan gave me directions and I THOUGHT it was here, but all I see are liquor stores and places to cash checks
Crackhead: ball park ball park hmmmm... /wipes hands on pants
Crackhead: ohhhh yall mean ameriquest field jack, yeahhhh nyah ha ha
ChuckingGreen: sure, whatever
Crackhead: aw to get to ameriquest field yall gotta go... hmmm /puts three fingers in nose at once
Crackhead: goan down that way take a left, look for the big crack den that looks like a train station
ChuckingGreen: okay, thanks

Crackhead: ay man before you go... /gets up real close

i got the good stuff right hereeee jack you wont some

ChuckingGreen: no, but I will give you free tickets to the Rangers home opener if you leave me alone

Crackhead: how about you pee in this cup
ChuckingGreen: what, you have money in there, it would get ruined and plus I am offering you baseball tickets
Crackhead: rather have the pee
**Online Host**
Welcome to the Texas Rangers 2010 Spring Training Chatroom!
ChuckingGreen: uh, can I come in /pushes open door with no knob
AllAboutTheHamiltons: /shoots enough heroin between toes that a giant medieval dragon tattoo on leg sounds like a great idea
ChuckingGreen: what is going on here, is this the Texas Rangers
AllAboutTheHamiltons: man if you aren't on our side, you are... whoa
BoomBoomWashington: what the man is SAYING is that if you don't got our BACKS, then you aren't REALLY a Texas Ranger
BoomBoomWashington: /snorts lines off of Pete Incaviglia's bat
ChuckingGreen: does Major League Baseball know about what you're doing here?
BoomBoomWashington: we're in the AL West, brother, nobody knows about what we're doing here
BoomBoomWashington: but yeah I told 'em, they don't care, baseball got different rules than real life
AllAboutTheHamiltons: it's like the Catholic Church, only the little boys we are molesting are ourselves
BoomBoomWashington: /dips menthol cigarette in honey, rolls it in cocaine, snorts entire cigarette
ChuckingGreen: but guys, we just bought the Rangers, we're going to turn you around! Put a retractable roof on your stadium! Give you black uniforms!
MadrigalMysteryTour: /bobs for apples in a tub full of GHB
ChuckingGreen: Nolan Ryan is helping! He's going to put Bud Selig in a side headlock and beat him to death!
o_captain_my_captain: /overdoses on horse tranquilizer
ChuckingGreen: what could I possibly tell you guys to get you on the straight and narrow again, this is the most important time in modern Rangers history
ChuckingGreen: We have pitchers this year! You have to be good now, because we have pitching!
BoomBoomWashington: lol now who is on drugs
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Filed under: Sports