The Dugout Spring Training event's trek through the AL Central is almost over, but not before we pay a visit to the frozen tundra of Minnesota, where the Twins have pulled the stiff, icy tarp off of Target Field. It's just like Progressive Field, only you freeze to death! There is a giant Budweiser sign, a lot of Target logos, and the outside makes it look like a futuristic bus station. It's certainly an improvement of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, though, which held the Twins down for years.Minnesota is a team to watch this season. They've got a new stadium, a new gameplan, our favorite player, and they play in the AL Central. As long as they can beat the Indians and the Royals, they should be okay.
Today's Dugout follows.
The Dugout
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LukeHughesTalking: /trudges up snowy hillside with tennis rackets tied to feed |
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BirthOfANathan: /tries to get telegram to rangers station, slips on ice, shatters elbow |
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DeWolfmansGotDenards: /runs into outfield to catch pop fly |
| **Online Host** The outfield ice sheet has cracked! |
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DeWolfmansGotDenards: /is devoured by killer whale |
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Kubone: hud-duh-duh-duh-duh hud-duh-duh-duh /face turns blue |
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WordUpThome: STAY WITH ME Q-BERT, WE ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE DAYS BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS |
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Kubone: wuh wuh wuh which season |
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WordUpThome: INFINITE WINTER |
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LukeHughesTalking: whew, I tried making it into the city but my feet started to turn black, I think I lost a couple of toes |
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LukeHughesTalking: Whose bright idea was it to build an outdoor stadium in the middle of Minnesota? |
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WordUpThome: I CAME HERE EXPECTING THE LAND O LAKES, BUT FOUND ONLY BUTTERBALL FARMS |
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Kubone: somebody help us SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US WE ARE GOING TO DIE |
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WordUpThome: STOP YELLING |
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WordUpThome: HEAR; ENSTRIPPEN DOWN TO YOUR BIRTHDAY'S SUIT AND CURL UP AMIDST MY BODY |
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Kubone: wuh wuh what the hell is that su-puh puh posed to do |
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WordUpThome: TRUST ME, I SAW IT ON AN EPISODE OF THE FRESH PRINCE, WHEN YOU ARE TRAPPED IN AN AVALANCHE OR BURIED BETWIXT SNOW AND DEATH IN A LOGGED CABIN YOU HAVE TO CUDDLE UP WITH YOUR BEST BUDS OR ELSE |
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WordUpThome: OUR BODY WARMTH WILL STAVE OFF THE REAPER, AND ALSO IT IS VERY HUMOROUS |
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LukeHughesTalking: oh god, I think my torso just turned to ice |
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BirthOfANathan: somebody uppercut him! See if it works like it does in video games I would do it, by my arm disconnected at the pit and rolled down the hill |
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LawnMauer: Stop complaining, you tranny messes, I'm perfectly cozy. |
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LukeHughesTalking: that's because you're sitting in a hot tub |
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LawnMauer: Oh, am I? Heh, I almost forgot! Still, you're all babies. |
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Kubone: hey, this is pretty warm but no wait a minute, how the hell did you get a hot tub? why don't the rest of us have hot tubs |
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Kubone: why aren't we playing baseball in a big plastic domed off hot tub |
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WordUpThome: BECAUSE WE DON'T PLAY FOR THE TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS |
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LawnMauer: step one, be born in the Twin Cities. Step two! Be the most valuable player in baseball. Step three! Be the most handsome Joe to ever crawl out of a mother's perfume-lined vaginal canal |
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WordUpThome: WAIT IS THAT HOW IT WORKS |
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LawnMauer: step four: make it worth your team's while to purchase you a jacuzzi with shopping cart wheels to make Minnesota springtime feel like Christmas in Ecuador |
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LawnMauer: oh by the way I have to play catcher in this, so if you could get the pitchers to just lob the balls into the water that would be a huge help |
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BirthOfANathan: Our pitchers have no problem lobbing the ball! |
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LawnMauer: Jim doesn't look cold either, just do whatever Jim is doing. |
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LukeHughesTalking: what are you doing? |
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WordUpThome: LIVING ANOTHER OF THE LORDS DAYS INSIDE OF MY SEA LION-LIKE EXTERIOR OF RUBBERY BLUBBERS |
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Kubone: cut him open! I'll DH from inside of him like a Tauntaun! |
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LukeHughesTalking: oh. So basically what you're saying is that the only way to be happy in life is to be handsome or fat |
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LawnMauer: cheer up, man. At least we get to see the sky now. Would you rather spend the rest of your career playing in a trash bag? |
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LukeHughesTalking: why, are you sending me to detroit |
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