Tiger's Week That Was: Thankfully Over

AUGUSTA, Ga. – The right man won. So did the wrong man, even if he didn't feel like it.

"I only enter events to win," Tiger Woods declared.

Sheesh, considering everything he should have felt like a winner. Think back to where we were just a week ago.

Nobody knew if there would be bimbo explosions, or if The Masters galleries would treat Woods with the same respect he treats his dates. After five months in tabloid solitary confinement, who knew if Tiger would even remember how to tee up a golf ball?

Instead he finished fourth, shot 11-under par, but he acted as if he'd just won a free subscription to the National Enquirer.

"That's not what I wanted," he said.

His post-round pout was essentially a declaration that the Old Tiger is back. That will be a good thing if he can limit his competitiveness to the golf course.

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It won't be so good if the insatiable drive to conquer everything still includes every skirt within 10 miles. I would have liked to have seen a little more world-weary perspective Sunday out of the fourth-place finisher.

He had just survived the most scrutinized, challenging, mine-field-riddled week any athlete has ever faced. He didn't deserve a green jacket, but a green sleeve would have been appropriate.

This pains me to say since I'm one of those moralists who can't separate Tiger the Golfer from Tiger the Cad. But it was good to see him back doing what he does best. It's safe to say nobody in golf history has shot 11-under in a major after the five months Woods has endured.

He wasn't really out of it until the 14th hole on Sunday, when he three-putted from five feet. Just to prove he's still Mr. Golf God, he came right back with an eagle.

It didn't matter. There was no way he was going to catch Phil Mickelson. God would not have allowed it, considering the challenges Lefty has had to face with his pretty blonde wife the past few months.

Speaking of which, I hope Elin isn't jealous. Tiger spent more time with K.J. Choi the past four days than he did with her the past four years.

In the spirit of Masters detente, I will try to make that my last gratuitous cheap shot at El Tigre. I can't respect the man, but you've got to respect his ability to hit the little white ball.
Tiger gave inquiring minds their money's worth the past few months. He gave golf fans their money's worth the past week. The only person he's really gypped lately is that Perkins waitress, who only got a chicken-wrap sandwich for all her troubles.
The whole week was a qualified success to Team Tiger. Woods successfully negotiated his first press conference without further damaging his image. The FAA grounded that plane carrying those snarky banners.

The world went into a tizzy over the first post-bimbo Nike ad featuring his dead father's voice. I think Earl Woods should hire Gloria Allred and get her to demand an apology from Nike and his son. But the whole point was to generate a buzz, and the ad certainly succeeded.

The new, more centered Woods is still a work in progress. He unleashed some old-school deity-centered profanity Saturday. After a bad tee shot on No. 3 Sunday, he yelled only, "God Ti-ger."

That's progress, I suppose.

The best part about the week is that it's over. The story can now move along to the next phase, which hopefully will have a lot more Steve Williams and a lot less Gloria Allred.

Geez, did I just wish for more Steve Williams? Call it Tiger Fatigue. We all just want to get on with our lives.

We'll never look at Tiger the same way. Unlike Mickelson, he'll never be able to hit a shot and yell "Go Honey" without everybody thinking about a completely different sport.

But the TMZ portion of our program is hopefully drawing to a close. Tiger gave inquiring minds their money's worth the past few months. He gave golf fans their money's worth the past week. The only person he's really gypped lately is that Perkins waitress, who only got a chicken-wrap sandwich for all her troubles.

God and RadarOnline.com willing, that's the last time I'll have to write "Tiger" and "waitress" in the same sentence. The Masters Week Unlike Any Other is finally over.

"I wanted to win this tournament," Woods said. "And as the week went along I kept hitting the ball worse. It was not very good."

He sounded a lot like the Old Tiger. Let's just hope that's where the similarities end.